Careful what you wish, you may regret it. Careful what you wish, you just might get it…
Somewhere on the Eastern shore of Japan Most hockey players out there are quick to tell you that they tend to avoid locking down a female hockey fan for a variety of reasons. Here are a couple of my favourites:
#1 “She doesn’t even know what hockey is, so I can trust that she’s not after my money.” Riiigghhhttt… Because gold-diggers need to be educated in the sport that made you your millions in order to want said millions.
#2 “I don’t want a girl that would be on my case after a game.” Translation: I’m insecure about how much I suck, so I want an airhead who will just think I’m a god no matter what I do. I also likely have NO dick.
To a hopeful she-fan or puck bunny, dating a hockey player probably seems like the bee’s knees (whatever that means). Sure, there are some definite perks, namely in the realm of free tickets, which is a great thing in itself, and often made so much sweeter when whatever girls, that happen to be lurking around the will call when you pick them up, decide to give you the deadliest, “Die, bitch!” stares you’ve ever seen. Plus, let’s not forget about team gossip. Who’s wife is getting passed around. Who’s in hot water with the bench boss. What the boys really think of Coach Babcock… Whoops! That’s OK! He’s not with the team now, so I feel that I can say that. Shhhhh. And let’s not forget about access to Cup rings and Mini Stanleys!
Unfortunately, there is definitely a price to be paid for all those perks when the relationship/fling/affair/thing/whatever inevitably comes to an end. I don’t know about you, but I tend to get bored of things and people very quickly. So maybe if you are the type they can take home to mother, and want to be taken home, then perhaps you can avoid these inevitable nasty situations, but if not, then you may want to rethink getting involved with these boys.
The thing is breaking up with a hockey player is all the more devastating for a true hockey fan than it is for some run of the mill model and/or gold-digger. Think about what happens in a regular break up. Emotions are running high, heartbreak, awkwardness, the need to avoid certain places and people. Now, try adding the fact that you will pretty much have to give up your favourite hobby along with all that other crap. You know, hockey, the one thing that probably would have helped you through the hard times.
OK, so you’re probably thinking right now, “Hold up, Psycho! Why would I need to give up hockey?” Well, you don’t need to give up hockey per se, but you will probably WANT to give up following his team once you go to your first post break up game. See, the problem is, if your ex hockey boyfriend was playing for your absolute favourite team, then it definitely sucks to be you because you’re going to need to buy a new sweater to put on your back. And since most people are not traveling fans like I am, then it’s probably a 99% chance that your boy DID play for your team. Hell, that’s probably how you met the guy!
The sad double standard is that no matter how many decades you may have been supporting that team before you met him, as soon as you two call it quits, you suddenly become the psycho ex that won’t go away just because you want to keep supporting the team you have always supported. To make matters worse you’ll be quite aware of being cast in this light on every level. They won’t ignore you. They never IGNORE you. They care too much to ignore you. In my 10 years worth of soured hockey player relationships/flings/affairs/things/whatevers I have never seen one of them ignore me if I decided to take in a game no matter how many years apart from the last time. Depending on his mood he’ll fire the puck at you, or toss the puck to you. He’ll smile at you, or glare at you. He’ll brag about you, or trash you (notice how he’s always talking, though). Kinda makes you wonder who in their right minds would pay these guys so much money when they are so easily distracted. Oh, the things I have seen.
Sorry, I went on a bit of a tangent there. I didn’t mean to glorify the effects a woman can have on a former player of hers. Although it can be super amusing at times, it can also be really uncomfortable, and you will definitely start to feel like the aforementioned psycho ex, even though you were there first!
I don’t really know where I’m going with this, or why I’m even writing about this now, but I suppose I’ll close this post with sharing what I consider to be my two worst post hockey player severances. The first was fairly recent, and not too devastating in the grand scheme of things, but at the time it was challenging. This player also part-owned a resto-bar. It’s even where we had our first date *hand flip.* The thing was this place had really great food, and after I (inevitably) couldn’t stand him anymore, etiquette dictates that I had to say adios to his chef as well. I’ve often thought about sneaking in there with dark sunglasses on, but I don’t think it would be proper. WAA!
The last story is practically an ancient tale now, and this is likely the one all you hockey wife hopefuls should take note of. Many, many, many years ago I got involved with my hands down FAVOURITE hockey player. He was my favourite for years before I had even met him. Dream come true, right? WRONG. Eventually things dissolved (obviously) and I pretty much hated the guy, but it didn’t change the fact that I absolutely loved him on the ice. Such a great skater *bites lip.* Talk about a mind fuck. Well… I definitely learned quickly that I would need to stop being his fan as well. Every game became so awkward and uncomfortable. I started getting really paranoid about things, “Why is he staring at me? Oh God. He probably thinks I’m crazy or that I still want him. Don’t. Make. Eye. Contact.” Since then I haven’t had a favourite hockey player, and when hockey fans ask me who my go-to player is, I tend to just stare at them in confused horror.