I never thought any professional hockey players would bother to read my site, but I’m often surprised to hear stories about how my modest little website has made its way around the game. So, this week’s Top 10 Tuesday is for the players. Hockey players, as well as any individual in a prominent position in society, have the “problem” of being wanted solely for superficial and materialistic reasons. Of course, not everyone thinks this is a problem. There are a lot of insecure players out there that think if they walk around with a Louis Vuitton porn doll on their arm that people will know how well they must be doing even if it’s not showing on the ice. Unfortunately, the only people that envy the trophy pig factor are other douche bags, but luckily, the world is not in short supply of those. Anyway, for the players’ that want something more for their lives, but feel that they need help in spotting the tell tale pig signs in their current “girlfriends,” this list is for them! Enjoy!
10. She decided it would be cool to talk like you and your hockey buddies, “Sick dangle. I knew you’d snipe tonight. You’re a WHEEL!” She also calls you by your hockey nickname instead of your real name.
9. She has a long history of trying to get “famous” or “trap a celebrity” with various schemes like, “modeling,” dating other athletes and leaking sex tapes with them, and even working on TV and/or in sports. Big surprise, as soon as you came sniffing around, she was no longer all that interested in her “career.”
8. She’s opportunistic, and makes sure she has to be by your side at all key moments like holidays, injuries, and trades – just like a real wife (or mommy) would do.
7. She doesn’t trust you because she sees you as a golden ticket that she absolutely cannot lose. That’s why she conveniently decides to book a trip to see you play on the road in the city closest to where you (and your women) live in the offseason.
6. Behind your back, she brags about how your “famous” hockey friends are her friends. Sometimes she even tries to make it sound like she was invited to their weddings personally (even though she has never met them), and not simply listed on your invitation as a “plus one.”
5. She’s more concerned with tweeting (bragging) about your relationship than she is about you. For example, you’re injured and in the hospital, so naturally she needs to tweet about how she has rushed to your side. You’d think someone who was sincerely distressed would be too overcome with the situation to have the thought or the time to tweet about it…hmm?
4. She does embarrassing things at MANDATORY charity events like hogging the camera so she doesn’t have to actually help out, while gushing about how all the less fortunate kids are just so excited and impressed with the fact that she is your girlfriend. Umm, no; they were excited because they were getting toys delivered by the charity, but thanks for coming out.
3. Ever since day one she has tried really hard to look like she is on the same level as you are financially. She drives the same make of car, and you never see her with the same designer shoes or bags twice. You won’t think she’s after your money if you think she already has it. Fake it ‘til you make it!
2. She single handedly destroys your fan base because she uses her “girlfriend status” to rub your money/lifestyle in their faces. As a result, you’ve begun to hear multiple people refer to you as a joke simply because you’re dating her. There goes your hopes of being the next fan favourite!
1. She’s American. She didn’t know who you were, and only cared once you told her you played pro hockey. If you had given your NHL ID to your childhood friend or your brother, it’d be their boys she’d be s*cking. The end.