Hi there. I’d like to cycle back, if you will, to my favourite topic of all time – puck bunnies. As you know I’m the Devil’s advocate of puck bunny culture, and some would argue that I am the epitome of all things puck slut. I’m probably the only female hockey fan in the universe that doesn’t get offended by being labelled as such because I’ve spent a large portion of my life writings books, lengthy papers, and blog posts trying to get people to see that puck bunnies are not a threat to the well-being of non-puck bunnies. Anyway, as of late, I have been stalked by a rather loud puck bunny in denial, and I feel sad for her. She’s very angry if anything with a vagina “gets to” anything with a hockey stick or playoff beard. But in my sadness, I also find copious amounts of laughter. So, for this week’s Top 10 Tuesday, we look at the logic of the fiercest puck bunny in denial that I have come across in years. What do you expect? It’s the offseason in Toronto, and this is better than Jersey Shore! Enjoy! (Come at me, bro…)
10. In your quest to become the next “freelance scout” in the long family lineage, you have found that the most pertinent scouting facts are acquired from gossip boards and Facebook. Not from actually attending games or anything (re: #8).
9. You miraculously learned to play hockey when you were a tiny one year old, and decided that you didn’t require any further knowledge on the sport since your introduction to the game. Some people were just LEGIT born with it. Hockey “g-e-n-i-o-u-s.”
8. Your philosophy is that women don’t pay money for hockey unless they are puck bunnies. Equally, women don’t get paid to work in hockey unless they are trying to screw the entire team. So, then, one may wonder why a female with this mantra would want to go to “hockey school” in the first place…hmm….
7. You believe that all hits are created equal, and should be judged as such when delivering suspensions. Either everyone gets suspended or no one does, bro!
6. The only time you see hockey players in action is when you are stalking their latest Tweet feeds, which, consequently, enrages you when they do not respond to your shameless public attempt at flirtation.
5. Your prediction for the Stanley Cup Final is Los Angeles Kings vs. Vancouver Canucks.
4. After you realized that two teams in the same conference cannot meet in the Final, you decide to argue that Detroit and Washington can’t hypothetically meet in the Final for the exact same reason.
3. You can’t keep up with what teams are in what conference because they change so much! Plus the NHL is boring anyway, but so is junior hockey.
2. The last time you discovered that your favourite player, Sidney Crosby no less, had a “girlfriend,” you threatened to burn all his memorabilia that you have plastered all over your bedroom wall like some sort of satanic shrine. That’s so not something a puck bunny would do.
1. You believe marital status negatively effects hockey stats. Any player with a WAG (that isn’t you) should be handed a letter, and that letter is ‘D’ for dick and/or douche.
Top Photo: He’s not a puck bunny. He’s a legit model.
