As you know there always seems to be some type of drama surrounding Psycho Lady Hockey, and usually I choose not to do the culprits the honour of acknowledging it. However, we can’t have a Puck Bunny Month without discussing the rumour forums used by so many pucks of all varieties to dig up a little dirt on their favourite players. These rumour message boards are pretty much the only weapon or, in some cases, tool that the bunnies use to navigate themselves around the rabbit hole. And wouldn’t you know it, the “most controversial hockey writer” has made it onto these pages.

This morning I had not one but seven Facebook messages sent to my P-Lady account alerting me that some heinous bimbo had possibly posted my personal information in, what a shock, a certain player’s rumour forum. Apparently, he and I have been doing nasty things together and I apparently can’t get over it now that he’s tossed me aside. Hmm, couldn’t you have started a better rumour like I’m bitter because he was really bad at it? Or he had a creepy shoe fetish or something? Not the same old song and dance, please, this is Psycho Lady Hockey, we think outside the box here.

We have all had moments when we’ve used these sites. Remember back to the Voy forum days? I have a very distinct memory of sitting in the library at school while my friend posted the lyrics to Missy Elliot’s One Minute Man (it was a hit at the time) on my behalf. But that is neither here nor there. The truth of the matter is that I’ve always found those sites to be kind of nightmareish war zones, so I tend to stay away from them. Of course, they provide hours of entertainment for the masses, and there was a time when they fulfilled that want in me too. I really couldn’t tell you what was said about me before, or since I took a glance at it this morning, so I’m not going to bother commenting on any of it really. But I have apparently been accused of not only starting the rumour, but responsible for every single post on the subject. I must have been sleep walking. Unfortunately, I don’t need some hockey player’s rumour site as an outlet to talk about myself, I have my own website for that, as you can plainly see.

I was under the impression that when these rumours start, they are pretty much immediately diffused. Yet, apparently, this has been going on for “some time.” I was noticing that my site was getting strange Google hits from people looking for “Certain Player Psycho Hockey Lady.” First of all, it’s Psycho LADY Hockey; learn to read? I guess it’s my bad for not investigating this sooner, but I’m not really in the habit of personally typing in the thousands of Google hits I get a week to see what comes up. As you can see in my Teammates section, Talk-Sports and I actually have a mutual endorsement, so I’m pretty surprised that Randy didn’t personally alert me of this sooner, but maybe no one is really paying attention to this particular player’s forum other than those obsessed with him or those obsessed with me.

I have to assume people come to my site to see what they already think is here. They made up their minds about something they read, and now they need the proof to substantiate the claims; reading between the lines, putting words on the page that aren’t there, etc. You know, like the she-swine that started the rumours that I’m nailing all the players every time I go on the road. The funny thing is that they’ve taken a certain event and linked it to an individual. Anyway, some of my posts have been listed in the other forums on Talk-Sports, I haven’t bothered to check which, but that’s just proof positive that people have been looking for things on a variety of individuals. “Psycho Lady Hockey said this, she MUST be talking about [player name]’s girlfriend,” when I have no idea who this girl actually is.

Truthfully, I really don’t care what you post about me anywhere, but since people have been addressing me personally on this site, I thought I’d go on the record and say that you are just talking to yourself because I’m not there to read it. I’m not going to do these Hell-hounds the honour of posting this on the site directly either, but I’m sure one of you super sleuths will post it on my behalf.

As for the rumour itself, it’s really getting old. At one point, I only had to deal with it at hockey games. Some spectator would catch on to some on-ice shenanigans, which would immediately prompt the, “Is that your husband?” question.

“Uh, no.”

Then it seemed a certain ego was perpetuating this “she’s in love with me” rumour himself. Because I can’t actually tell when he’s talking about me… No, not at all. But, anyway, I’m sure that it’s only a coincidence that this kind of childishness has shown up online. Didn’t I ask you to stop this…umm last week? Didn’t I say that it was f***ing with both of our careers? My bigger feeling is that the aforementioned obsessive she-swine are actually to blame. They appear to be looking for any and all outlets to promote my website because they still seem to believe that attracting attention to me is going to somehow decrease my traffic. Good luck with that.

It’s easy to see why puck bunnies are so aggressive on these sites. They put players on a pedestal that no woman can ever live up to, including the girlfriends. It’s like I must have been swirling raunchy and adulterous rumours about myself because hockey players are the best and would never want me in real life. It’s like you really believe that I have no personal life. Like I don’t date guys who might actually be prone to looking at these websites and finding out about how I’m allegedly screwing this guy or that. No, no, the hockey player is always the hero, even if he was cheating. That’s OK, he’s entitled, he’s a god, right? It takes two to tango, and as my mother once told me, “It’s NEVER the other woman’s fault.” Go listen to that Shakira and Beyonce song already, and get with the program.

Anyway, I’m surprised I’ve talked about this so much, my only actual concern was this allegation that my personal information was illegally posted online. If this is true, then only one of two halves of the disturbingly insecure couple in question could have posted my phone number. I didn’t see it, so I don’t know if it was actually my number, but I haven’t received any strange phone calls, so there you go. If however, I do discover that my information has once again been posted online, or I do receive even one phone call, or see even one fragment of an email as a result of this desperate attempt to prove a point, I will take legal action. I know you think you can hide behind your computer, but computers have little things called IP addresses, which allow you to be traced. You see, every time you visit my site, you leave a trail. This trail tells me all kinds of information about you. It allows me to identify your future visits, or notice if you’re traveling and, I don’t know, checking in on me the night before a road game, or after your pregame nap. So, just so the two of you know that I’m not blowing smoke, I will right now divulge your service providers (that’s not illegal, by the way, seeing as millions of people use the same one). I’m going to list by country not city in the spirit of the privacy that you have seemingly begrudged me. In the US you use Cox, and in Canada you are with Shaw. Of course, you haven’t been obsessively reading this site since the offseason or anything. I must have made that up…

So, there you have it. I’ve said my piece, and this is the only piece you’ll get. Do what you want with it, and keep talking, if you still feel like it.