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Thursday, November 19th, 2009

Anaheim (Day 5): Game Day #3 Coyotes@Bronze Adoni – My belt is the one that says, “Bad Mother Fucker.”

The dreaded Coyotes game finally arrived Saturday. I was up early that morning so I could be ready to meet up with the KingsCast boys in Los Angeles at noon. I was late. This was the first instance that I have experienced a GPS system taking me to the wrong destination even after I specifically crunched in the address. Kind of annoying, especially when you consider that I actually vaguely knew how to get to Staples Center, but decided to use the GPS so I wouldn’t get lost. Oh, did I mention that I was driving a MINI VAN! Yeah, when I got to LAX on the Wednesday, my car wasn’t there, so I was stuck with the hockey mom mobile. At least it was black, and I did make some sweet risky moves with it. I figured everyone would assume I had kids in the car, and would back off and let me be an asshole. My most overused phrase of the trip was, “There are kids in the car, bitch, yeah, that’s right!”

I had a blast with the guys from KingsCast despite looking like ass for that episode of Overtime. It was revealed later that my Team Canada shirt was the problem. You aren’t supposed to wear red on camera because it negatively distorts your appearance! Oh well, now I know better. Anyway, those guys are hilarious! If you don’t watch the KingsCast webcast, you should. I’m always dying of laughter whenever I tune in!

After we wrapped up in LA, I headed straight to IN-N-OUT for round two, then met up with Lauren to go for a cruise down PCH (Pacific Coast Highway). There was really not enough time to go to the beach before the dreaded main event at the Honda Center that night. I got to The Pond at 6PM, but not before stopping at IN-N-OUT a third time to get a Neapolitan shake – secret menu HAZZAH! I opted to avoid the Coyotes and take in the warm up on the Ducks end. My seats were behind the Ducks bench, but Honda Center is one of those rare arenas that don’t have gaps between the benches, so I was practically behind the Coyotes bench as well.

That game was something special. The source of my TV material was out in full force with his obsessive behaviour. I really hope the appropriate people were watching this game of his, because I know that people all the way up in the 400s were greatly entertained by it for the entirety of the game. Trying to fit those last longing gazes in, eh? Or maybe he misinterpreted my death stare as unbridled desire – FAIL! Do all guys act without thinking? I’d really love to know. I had some great lines, too. “Put your eyes on me again, and I will come after you in the night, and not in the way that you’d like me to!” Anyway, I really enjoyed cheering the Ducks on during this game. Kind of funny how the most entertaining Coyotes game I’ve ever seen was a game that I was cheering against them!

I like the Ducks. There are many “sources of material” on that team. Not to mention that a few of my old crushes are on that team now. Steve Eminger was one of my Kitchener Rangers crushes back in high school, and Sheldon Brookbank was a Milwaukee Admirals crush. It’s funny how my taste in men has changed with age! Mind you, as I mentioned in Day 3, I do appreciate the golden tans that all the Ducks seem to have. Typically, I don’t like tans on men in general, but the Ducks have “the perfect tan” if you will. Not like the smelly Coyotes with their sunburns and leathery faces. At most games I want to fling a bottle of aloe vera based moisturizer at them. Can someone please get them some sunscreen! Actually, don’t. Let them all get skin cancer (and die?). Well, not ALL of them, and especially not you, Taylor Pyatt! I want to see SPF-75 on you at all times.

Anyway, enough Coyotes ranting. I made sure I was wearing my BMF belt so everyone knew I meant business at that game. Seriously, you don’t mess with this belt! It’s studded! I was sitting next to Chris for the game; she’s a great hockey buddy! I love the fans in the southern markets. Maybe there isn’t A LOT of them, but they remind me of junior/amateur fans. They really get behind their players in semi-parental roles. I love it! There is a lot of name screaming going on!

The Ducks won 4-3 – a satisfying victory for me. After the game, Lauren and I went out for some intense mac ‘n’ cheese! There was chicken and bacon in it, and you know how I feel about bacon and cheese! Later that night, I retired back to my quarters to pack up my stuff. I was heading back to LAX at 4AM to catch my flight back to the motherland. This time around, I cannot express how happy I was for this trip to finally be over. I felt so relieved to be back, that, if the Toronto streets weren’t so dirty and urine soaked, I may have actually knelt down and kissed them.

Roll the credits…

(hahaha!)

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Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Anaheim (Day 4): My desperately needed off day at Disneyland.

I met a guy at the Denver airport who claimed that Denver was ranked the #1 most stressed out city in America. Maybe it was the altitude, but I was definitely feeling stressed the whole time I was there. I wasn’t in a conscious state of being stressed out, and by that I mean there was nothing to really trigger the stress in the first place. I always felt like I was running late for everything. I was more sluggish than usual, and found myself having to haul ass to get to my various destinations on time. From the moment I got to Colorado, I couldn’t wait to board my next flight and finally get settled in Orange County.

Of course, a large part of the reason I was eagerly anticipating my Anaheim leg of the road trip was because my friend, George, hooked me up with a free pass to Disneyland and California Adventure. For the first time in a long time, I was excited about something that wasn’t hockey related. I had never been to Disneyland! Growing up in the East, I was a DisneyWorld kid! Not to mention the fact that I haven’t been to Disney since 1999, which means I haven’t seen all the cool stuff they’ve changed in some of the classic rides. They updated the Pirates of the Caribbean ride to include the movie characters, and they completely gut the Haunted Mansion in the fall and transformed it into The Nightmare Before Christmas – eeeeee! Oh, the things you miss when you “grow up.”

Anyway, my off day started with my first trip to IN-N-OUT Burger. I actually was not in the mood to stray into the realm of the secret menu on this outing, so I stuck to my usual two burgers and a chocolate shake. YUM! I was supposed to be going to Disneyland with Lauren, but she didn’t get off work until 5PM, so after I was signed into the park around 12PM, I decided to wander around for a bit before heading back to my hotel. I was mildly concerned that I would come across as some sort of pedophile or child abductor if I was hanging around Disneyland all by lonesome, but apparently, “people do it all the time.”

I finally talked myself into going on a ride by myself. I go to hockey games by myself all the time, but something just seems weird about going to an amusement park alone. Anyway, I figured the Haunted Mansion was a good ride to choose because the cars are pretty private to begin with. At the top of the line, I met another lonely rider. Was it destiny? It was her birthday, so she came to the park to take advantage of the free admission. She was a local, so she knew all the ins and outs of the park, and taught me how to use to Fast Pass thingie.

We hung out at California Adventure mostly. I nearly died of laughter on the Tower of Terror. At the first drop, my instinct was to grab onto the random guy sitting next to me, which then caused my purse to go flying five feet in the air. Sorry, to the guy I kept grabbing at in the dark. I couldn’t help it! There was no lap bar! Another awesome feature about the California Adventure park was that they actually served alcohol. I didn’t really think too much of this until my path crossed with a margarita stand. Birthday margs all around!

After a brief pit stop back at my hotel (I figured I was going to need a sweater since the park is open until midnight), Lauren and I were back in the gates around 6 PM. I was really excited about ingesting large amounts of amusement park food, and the feeding frenzy began at a corn dog stand. I was very conscious of having to say, “corn dog,” but in a hazy bliss of corn doggie delight, I let my guard down and the P word slipped out of my mouth. Everyone around me was suddenly quite alarmed by my use of this Canadianism. Yes, all you Yanks out there, in Canada we call them, “Pogos!” I know, it’s an ugly word.

Anyway, it was a great night at the park. I don’t think we stood in line for anything longer than twenty minutes. I also put my newfound knowledge of the Fast Pass thing to good use. Disneyland made me feel like a kid again, but even as I was literally twirling around in the line for Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, I couldn’t help but stress about the Ducks game the next day. The Coyotes were in town, and ever since that game at the Pepsi Center, I was dreading it. The clock was winding down, and the eve of the game was finally upon me. Of course, the details of that game shall be revealed in my Day 5 post.

Roll the credits…

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Monday, November 16th, 2009

Anaheim (Day 3): Game Day #2 Preds@Bronze Adoni – A prophetic twist.

Warning: Another LONG and crazy entry ahead!

Is Adoni a word? My spellchecker and my brain say it isn’t. I was trying to invent a plural form for Adonis, you know, the Greek guy. The point is the Anaheim Ducks have this delightful glow about them, and they reminded me of a group of Bronze Adoniseseseseses. I have been referring to them as such since my first game back at the Honda Center this season. But let’s not talk about the game. There are far more interesting things to discuss like the death of the Coyotes, and what is to become of me, my love, and the Arizona Prophecy.

I have to admit that I was beside myself over ditching the Coyotes if not for any other reason but the Arizona Prophecy. I had obviously invested a great deal in this gamble of faith. I dropped everything and went chasing a speedy white rabbit down various bunny holes across the league. If I was so sure about the prophecy enough to put my life on hold the way that I did last March, and nearly screwed myself over in most facets of my life in the process, then how could I just turn away now? It was kind of like that really bad movie that you just can’t walk out on because a small part of you is hoping that there will be a surprise twist at the end, and the film will somehow be worth that $9.95 you paid for the ticket. However, then the screen goes black and you’re left with nothing more than a hole in your pocket where your ten bucks and your dignity used to be.

When I decided to believe the school of psychics and my own intuition and go off on a quest in search of this mystery man, I had to leave the realm of the logical, the plausible, and the realistic behind. I’ve been living in a kind of fantasy world where meaning was drawn from every seemingly mundane dream or happening. While some things seemed clearer than others, I really started to go crazy (particularly this season) with having to sift between the “Divine” and the unimportant. I always tried to keep an open mind. If the prophecy was right, then it may manifest in some strange unforeseeable way. Perhaps the point of all this was not to find my “true love” after all. Perhaps it had to do with this website, the TV show, a job – who knows?

I know this can be both hard to read and believe, especially for those who do not have experience with this type of thing, but I always thought it was an interesting story, especially when you consider that as a hockey addict, my supposed “destiny” would be linked to the game I love. Of course, you skeptics may be right, and maybe this is leading me to nothing more than a very stressful adventure, but I guess we’ll see one way or another. Anyway, that’s why I opted to write about it in the first place because it IS connected to my hockey adventures, at least, right now.

There were various reasons for why I started to grow apart from Phoenix, and so, I decided to try and find a new team, and I came up with the Show Me A Sign campaign in hopes that fans across the league could show me where to go next. Within a couple days, there were whispers coming from Southern California that the Ducks fans wanted to get in on the campaign with a sign of their own. When I heard this everything clicked, and I remembered part of the prophecy that I had forgotten months ago. For over a year, psychic after psychic was telling me about the Arizona boy, but then, just a matter of days before the trade deadline, something change. Now there were two guys, and I had the choice between the two of them. On the one hand, there was the Arizona guy, but on the other hand was a guy linked to SoCal. I had never been to Arizona OR California, so this was strange to me. Anyway, when the switch to Phoenix finally happened, I decided to make a very last minute trip to Anaheim (I booked the flight like twelve hours before takeoff) just in case there was another guy there.

I had determined that the other team was Anaheim because the psychics had mentioned birds and I interpreted that as “ducks,” but, at this point, I’m more than willing to give the Kings a shot as well. Anyway, on that trip last season, strange things kept happening. My flight on Expedia wouldn’t book. Not even the travel agents could get it to work. The problem was being reported as my flight out of Buffalo, so we kept changing the departure (eight or nine times), hoping one of them would book, but to no avail. Finally, the travel agent gave up and told me that I could keep trying on my own, but she was doubtful that it would work. I decided to give it one last try, and of course it didn’t work, but this time something popped up on the screen. “Are your dates flexible? Fly back a day later.” I didn’t think this would matter considering that it was my departure that was the problem, but I decided to give it one last shot, and, of course, it booked. At the time I remember thinking that this was very meaningful. It was almost like I was meant to stay in Cali longer than I wanted to. Normally, on my hockey adventures, I want to get the fuck out of town as soon as the game is over, but in Cali I really enjoyed just hanging out. While my plane was hovering over LAX, this time around, I looked out the window, and I felt like I had finally returned home. Weird.

My flight wasn’t the only strange thing that wouldn’t book last season. I had problems with my hotel and game tickets too. The tickets in my usual sections would vanish before I could buy them. Once again, agents on Ticketmaster, StubHub, and TicketExchange could do nothing to help me. Finally, I was forced to settle for tickets in a crappy section. The weird thing was the SECOND I purchased the tickets, the ones I had previously scouted MAGICALLY reappeared. Again, was I meant to sit in those seats? As a result of me sitting there, the Coyotes ended up driving their first of many very large nails into their coffin of my hate. It was by far the worst game of my life, and I was forced to cope with it by making a horrible life choice after the game…four times…accidentally.

I was feeling the Ducks/Coyotes stress even last season. I was so confused; I didn’t know what to do with myself. While going through my mail one day, I came across a bumpy letter from some food company. When I opened it there were two Stanley Cup pins inside. I was kind of horrified. I couldn’t help but feel a little paranoid that some company I had never heard of knew the way to my heart. I casually brought this up to one of the psychics I know, and she revealed that she had the pins sent because there was a voucher for it in her box of popcorn, and it made her think of me. She told me she thought I would get some “sign” when the pins showed up, and immediately asked me if Phoenix was the one that I got. “Umm NO Phoenix has never made it passed the first round in the playoffs. They’ve never won a cup!” was my response. The teams I did get – Colorado and Anaheim.

Like I mentioned in Day 2, my trip to Avs country was planned in August. My original plan was to head to Phoenix after the game, but the fear of contracting the SWINE FLU was too great, so I decided to trash that idea like the trash that resides there. When I heard about the Ducks fans and their awesome game sign, I thought it would be in my best interest to return to Honda Center since I was already going to be in that “general” vicinity for the Coyotes game at Pepsi Center. The fact that the total additional cost for travel was only $5 sealed the deal. Of course, when I looked at the Ducks schedule, who should be playing in town but the Preds and the Coyotes! The Preds are another semi-ex boyfriend team, and I’m not going to lie, I did cast the odd glare down the ice from time to time. Luckily, I stayed safely nestled and well hidden next to the Ducks bench.

Of course, seeing that Phoenix was one of the teams in town during my visit to Cali, I figured that may be a sign that I wasn’t actually supposed to switch teams. However, the game in Colorado quickly soured any remaining feelings I had for the team. It would take a lot for the Coyotes to get me back, and the graveling would probably have to begin with a written apology addressed to my appropriate station as Ice Goddess. Anyway, I will have more to say about this; particularly, when I talk about the Ducks game in Detroit. I know, I know! I’m so behind on the road blogs right now. It feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day for all the crap I need to do. As it is I haven’t slept more than three hours in the last three days! And on that note *yawn,* I’m going to hit the sheets.

Roll the credits…

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Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

Colorado (Day 2): Game Day #1 Road Kill@Avs – The secret of my little black book.

Dear Baby,
Welcome to Dumpsville!
Population:
You.

So, before I get into my venomous rant about the Coyotes, my now OFFICIAL ex-boyfriend team, I figure you might be curious about some of the strange things that happened during my second visit at the Stanley Hotel. The drive back to Estes Park was more enjoyable this time around because I FINALLY discovered a decent radio station. The DJs sold me on it when they made a South Park reference after playing The Cure’s Love Song. At least the music was good. I’m pretty sure there was air in the brake line of my rental car. Fabulous.

I was warned not to “freak out” my guide the night before, so I kept my mouth shut until the end of the tour. A few strange things happened. For example, we were on what was known to be a children’s floor, and we were told to hold out our hands while we sang a children’s song. The guide said that the children were known to be attracted to individuals who work with children or have children around them, and sometimes touch them when he performs this experiment. Well no one spoke up about anything happening to them afterwards, so I decided not to say anything as well. There were a lot of skeptics in the room anyway. But, sure enough, while we were singing, something grabbed onto my thumb so tight that it actually started to hurt. For the record, I do have a history working with children. I spent some time in university as my cousins’ nanny.

The story I’m sure that you’re all waiting to hear is the story about the painting that kept trying to grab my attention the first night. On that first night, there was another encounter that didn’t seem so exciting at the time so I didn’t bother to mention it on the blog. While we were standing on the landing of a double staircase, I kept getting drawn to one specific side. I mentioned this to the guy who was showing me around, and I have to commend him for keeping his mouth shut after I made this apparently quite massive revelation. All he responded with was, “If you ask me, I’m sure there is something going on here.”

This time around I learned the story of the painting. The man in the painting was Lord Dunraven, a notorious womanizer and scumbag extraordinaire. He had a thing for kleptomania, and also ran a brothel in town. He was apparently always on the lookout for new talent. When the guide took us to the landing he warned the group about going up one side of the double staircase. Yes, the same side of the stairs that I was drawn to the night before. Apparently, people have reported being kicked in the leg while going up the stairs, while others have seen the guilty apparition with their own eyes. And who do you think that guilty party was? None other than Lord Dunraven. After the tour, my new guide and I theorized that Lord Dunraven must have had a bit of a thing for me (or thought I’d be a good “employee”), so he decided to follow me around the night before. Freaky, no?

Now back to the Pepsi Center. I had planned my trip to see the Coyotes play in Denver in August, which is my own fault for disregarding my own personal limitations that I laid out over the summer. I planned to take this season game by game with the Coyotes. I figured they were only going to get more annoying as the 09-10 season dragged on, so I wanted to have the freedom to turn away at any given time. Of course, when the schedule was released, I was so excited that I started planning out a bunch of games, and locked myself in for more mindless bullshit than I could handle.

You see, the reason I hate the Coyotes is because they’re a bunch of little bitches. They remind me of that scrawny little asshole on the playground at school that would rather go run and tell the teacher on recess duty that the big kids didn’t want to play with him, than try to speak up and make a case for himself. That’s the Coyotes. They cause unwarranted drama wherever they go because they don’t like not getting what they want. They lose the girl, they cry, they have to lie and spin it around so it looks like the girl lost them. A bunch of talentless, gutless children.

Wow…they’re winning now. Does anyone care? The Coyotes kill the atmosphere in every rink they go to including their own. We all know that Phoenix fans are few and far between, turning up at Jobing.com Arena in numbers rivaling that of an AVERAGE Ontario Hockey League match up, but when rabid hockey fans in places like Boston, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, and everywhere else can’t be bothered to support their team on nights that the desert dogs come to town, then that should be something that actually merits a “flag” from the NHL. All I can say is that I’ve never been happier that Jim Balsillie lost the Coyotes as much as I am right now. I might have actually died of boredom if the team was nestled 35 minutes from my house.

Where does my little black book fit in? Well, a year and a half ago I met a producer who was interested in working with me on a show loosely based on Down the Rabbit Hole. The show was put on the back burner because he had his hands full with a current show that has now been signed on to multiple seasons. The show was basically going to be written by me, so he told me to conduct some form of research while I went on my hockey adventures. Enter the little black book.

Like any good writer, I began with character development. I had written up the blueprints for six prominent female characters, and five prominent males. Of course, I needed inspiration for some of these characters, and there was only one hockey player that came to mind as the leading man in my television universe. For five years, my friends and I have been greatly entertained by the obsessive behavior of one specific mediocre NHL player. I’m not trying to “flatter” myself, but hockey players are easily distracted. All you have to do is exist and they peacock around you like their salaries depend on it.

Anyway, this particular player was far worse than the others. He has been doing some of the craziest, unprofessional, on-ice stunts that I have ever seen. Anyone who came to a game with me was so entertained by him that by the time the buzzer sounded to end the third, they were already browsing Ticketmaster to see when they could go to a game with me again. While the constant gazing, stick tapping, business time eyebrow raising, etc had its amusing moments, it was also quite infuriating. For starters, I could never understand why the guy bothered to try so hard in the first place…and for five years. What was the motive? Did he think that if he skated over to me before a face off, that I’d jump the glass and rip his clothes off? What was the point of making sure I acknowledged his goal? Yes, unlike you, I’m actually watching the game. I can see that you scored. Maybe he thought that warranted some type of physical reward. I could go on and on with better and more outrageous examples, but the most irritating thing of all was having to waste large portions of every game trying to convince spectators sitting around me that this guy was not married to me. This hockey player was cock blocking me from the ice!

Since the start of the 08-09 season until now, I was carefully jotting down amusing fan and player behavior, but with the greatest focus going to the mating strategies of the aforementioned player. Yes, I have pages and pages of the most hilarious shit. HA! HAHAHAHAHA! Bet you didn’t realize that’s what I was writing down all this time. Not to mention the years of vivid memories prior to the last fourteen months of hockey.

So, what’s the point of this big secret? Well, a few months ago my producer friend was reading my blog, and said it was in good shape to make adapting a TV series quite simple. So, I’m going to make it even easier, and I have decided to go forward and write out my vision for season one and test drive it on Psycho Lady Hockey. Don’t expect it anytime soon; probably early 2010 is more realistic, as I will have to write out every episode first. That way, if we do go forward with the TV show it will be based solely on the blog! Anyway, since Psycho Lady Hockey will be moving in this direction, I have decided to introduce a new feature to all my road entries. I have this natural habit of associating music with my stories. I did this a little bit in the 2008-2009 Yearbook, so I’m going to do that again and “roll the credits” at the end of every entry. This means that this would be the song that ran while the credits played out if every post was an individual episode. So, for the first time ever…

Roll the credits…

(I’m aware the song cuts out, it was the best I could do! You get the point.)

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Monday, November 9th, 2009

Appearance on KingsCast!

Yeah, yeah, I’m behind on the road blog. There is a reason, trust! I’m writing up Day 2 right now so expect that scandal to drop before I hit the sheets tonight. Anyway, while I was in sunny California, I met up with the boys from KingsCast.net in downtown Los Angeles for a brief appearance on their latest episode of Overtime –The Good and the Bad prior to the Kings/Preds game. OK, so I look like SHIIIIIIT! There is no getting around it. I don’t know what happened! Apparently, straight hair is not a good look for me, or that whole “not photogenic” thing applies to video as well. Oh well *sigh.* Click here to watch Episode 26! P.S. I think I have a crush on the Fan of the Game!

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    • NHL Rinks Stalked

      [47] Air Canada Centre
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      [06] First Niagara Center
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      [05] Joe Louis Arena
      [04] Prudential Center
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      [01] American Airlines Center
      [02] Mellon Arena*
      [01] Maple Leaf Gardens*
      *Indicates Inactive Facility

    • OHL Rinks Stalked

      [28] Kitchener Auditorium
      [10] Hershey Centre
      [09] Gatorade Complex
      [08] Sleeman Centre
      [03] John Labatt Centre
      [02] Powerade Centre
      [02] GM Centre
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      [01] WFCU Centre
      [01] RBC Centre
      [01] K-Rock Centre
      [01] J. Benson Cartage Centre
      [01] Bayshore Arena
      [01] Barrie Molson Centre
      [41] St. Michael's Arena*
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    • AHL Rinks Stalked

      [64] Ricoh Coliseum
      [08] Van Andel Arena
      [08] Copps Coliseum
      [05] Bradley Center
      [04] Quicken Loans Arena
      [02] Scope Arena
      [01] AT&T Center
      [01] Allstate Arena
      [01] Cincinnati Gardens*
      *Indicates Inactive Facility

    • Other Rinks Stalked

      [03] Yokohama Skate Center
      [02] Arena Zurich-Kloten
      [01] U of T Varisty Arena
      [01] Nikko Kirifuri Ice Arena
      [01] Anyang Sports Complex

    • Game Stats (League)

      [320] Total Games
      [109] NHL
      [109] OHL
      [094] AHL
      [005] ALIH
      [002] IIHF
      [001] OUA

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      [320] Total Games
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