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Tag: puck bunnies

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

Why I hate the Olympics and other things that make me a psycho.

Warning: There really isn’t a point to this blog post other than to rant about various things.

First of all, I need to say that for my next couple of posts, you really need to make sure that you actually read every word that I am typing, so you don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. Not that it really matters; when have you known me to shy away from expressing the unpopular perspective? But if you knew the kind of comments that I get from some of the Anti-Fan Club members, you’d realize that basic literacy skills are apparently not possessed by everyone. Second of all, I should also mention that I’m writing this as I’m watching the Canada/Russia quarter final game.

I’ve never liked the Olympics. I don’t hide this fact, but I don’t tend to elaborate on my distaste for it either. I’m not an extremist or anything. I’m not going to protest whenever someone switches it on. Instead, I’ll sit and watch quietly, and, hey, the snowboarding is pretty cool to watch, I’ll admit. As for the hockey, I tend to watch it out of habit. The NHL is on hiatus, so I do what I have to do to feed the addiction. However, it’s not must-see TV in my eyes. If someone were to call me up right now, and ask me to go out for ice cream or coffee, I’d be out of here. Actually, that’s a lie. I’m still in my pajamas – I’ve been watching Supernatural all day *blushes.*

Anyway, I know this probably seems odd to you. How could someone like me, who is so involved in professional hockey, not give a rat’s ass about the Olympic Games? Professional leagues like the NHL, NFL, NBA, etc, etc, etc are businesses! There are some fans out there that don’t understand that. They don’t understand that the bottom line comes well before the best interest of the fans. Like this whole Phoenix situation in the summer. Granted, Balsillie getting the team THAT way would have devastated the world of sport as we know it, but Bettman put on his game face and acted as though he was a champion for hockey fans in the desert, and some of them seemed dumb enough to actually buy it. What do you think will happen when the Ice Edge deal falls through? Sure, the Coyotes are bound for the playoffs, but that bandwagon still hasn’t pulled up to Jobing.com Arena. Must be stuck in traffic on that horrible twenty minute commute, or maybe the roads are icy. When potential buyers get put off by the fact that no one is showing up to the rink, well, they aren’t going to put up the cash to save the team, just to watch their millions go down the toilet. The League, being a business, will NOT keep the team (or any team) in a barren market that isn’t attractive to buyers. So much for the fans, eh? I know I’m personally pretty amped to see how Bettman handles the media when they announce that they can’t keep the team in Glendale. My prediction is that the NHL will beg Jim Balsillie to buy the Coyotes to shift the hate from the League to the “greater of two evils.” Whoops, I’m horrible with Phoenix related tangents, aren’t I?

As a hockey fan, understanding the business side of the sport is essential to enjoying the sport. If you just don’t understand that there is a bottom line, then I can’t even imagine the bitterness you might feel with your team or with the NHL. I hear it all the time from fans complaining about how the owners of their teams don’t care about the fans. Well…it happens. I’m not saying it’s right. The fans are the reason the League is as successful as it is, and they do very little in terms of giving thanks. However, it’s that business side of the game that I love. I love to see how these major league organizations are dealing with attendance issues, on ice problems, and even scandal. And I guess that’s one of the things that make the Olympics so unattractive to me. You don’t see much of that business side other than when they make their roster selection over the months leading up to the tournament. But, of course, it’s not just the Olympics that make me sad…All Star Games and things too!

I wish I could end the blog post here, but, unfortunately, there is another aspect of the Olympics that makes me want to rip my eyes out. Talking to my American friend during yet another several hour long phone conversation, he told me that he’s noticed that Canadian hockey fans seem to be giving off this patriotic vibe of entitlement. Basically, because these people are Canadian they are somehow better fans than those in the States, like it’s our birthright, like we were born better. I had told him before that the reason I want to write my new book about Canadian versus American fans is for that very fact. Not because I think Canadian fans are better, in fact, I somewhat theorize that the authentic American fans are the “better” fans. American fans will never understand the culture of the game that we have had shoved down our throat since infancy. I will talk about this more tomorrow when I discuss American puck bunnies. While we may have grown up with hockey, our fellow fans down south have had to seek it out on their own. So, who is the bigger fan? The one who can’t escape hockey, or the one who has to put forth an effort just to keep an eye on what’s going on?

As I said to my friend that night, I hate the Olympics for just that reason. Not so much in hockey but in the sudden interest that the average non-sports fan shows in our athletes. Sometimes I see CTV pan to shots of random people at bars getting excited over some figure skating performance, and the looks on their faces make me want to stab myself in the eyes. It’s so fake. You can see the fake enthusiasm in the very way that they cheer. I’m starting to sound like Holden Caulfield, but fake people are not my cup of tea if you haven’t noticed. Fakeness kind of disgusts me. Don’t worry, I’m not about to go out and shoot John Lennon or anything.

You see, I don’t really see the point. Yeah, I get that the Olympics are a key factor in peace keeping; it’s pretty much the only thing the world does together that isn’t war, but as for the outcome, it doesn’t really matter. Canada won’t have more floor time in next UN meeting because they procured more Olympic medals than another country. A gold medal isn’t going to protect against threats to homeland security. And yet, Olympic super fans act like these athletes are heroes. They treat them like they are the men and women risking their lives and even dying just to keep their country safe. They aren’t. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad thing to acknowledge the achievements of the athletes, but let’s put things in perspective, shall we.

I guess it’s kind of a sore spot for me. I know you were wondering where Puck Bunny Month was going to tie in, so here it is. The interest I took in puck bunny culture came on the heels of my discovery that Canadian society treated hockey players like Gods. Again, for the most part, Americans cannot understand this culture, so all I can do is say what I have to say, and hope that you can make sense of it. I lost a bit of faith in humanity at this time in my life. I couldn’t understand how hockey players could be so glorified when most of them were these monsters that drank too much, smoked too much, and treated women like (swamp) donkeys and (war) pigs. I became very passionate about finding out everything there was to know about this subculture, and I suppose, after all these years, what I really wanted to find was that one hockey player who could validate the glory; the one who was “different” and actually deserved to be up on that pedestal. Instead, I’ve only found more of the same from the players – womanizing alcoholics with excessive lifestyles. And the fans, mostly puck bunnies in denial, continue to disappoint me with their misguided belief system that the hockey player can do no wrong.

Anyway, like I said at the beginning, there wasn’t much point to this blog post other than to rant about various things. Don’t worry, I don’t judge you if you like the Olympics. All I’m saying is that I don’t. I have to say, though, that this Canada/Russia game is pretty crazy. Coming into the tournament, I had Russia winning the gold this year…guess I was wrong. Enjoy the Games everyone, the NHL will be back soon.

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Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

Otters@67’s: The designer handbag theory.

Exactly one week after my trek beyond the outer limits of the 401 East, and by that I mean, Montreal, I found myself retracing my steps and bound for our nation’s capital. Of course, Scotiabank Place is quiet these days with the NHL on hiatus for the Olympics and all, so this time around I was headed to the previously unexplored Urbandale Centre, home of the Ottawa 67’s of the Ontario Hockey League. Fun times.

Back in the day, I had this notion that there was a heavy puck bunny scene down in Ottawa, and the locals, who were around during this reign of terror, confirmed that I wasn’t off in my assumptions. Back then I had based this idea on those puck bunny rumour sites that I mentioned a few weeks ago. Not only was there a lot of activity coming directly from the puck bunny sites dedicated to the 67’s, but there was a lot of inquiries made about gals spotted rink side on the players’ moderated sites as well. If players from around the O were so intrigued by the puck bunny caliber in Ottawa that they had to find out who these girls were at all costs, then obviously these O-Town bunnies were, at one time, a force to be reckoned with. This high puck quality suggests a higher puck quantity as well…you know…seeing as most hockey players will attempt to nail practically anything that moves. Anyway…

However, the old days appeared to be long gone (once again) as I walked into yet another OHL rink with a virtually extinct puck bunny population. Aside from the odd cluster here and there, and rumours that some of the ice girls were partial to hanging around the locker rooms a little longer than they should, there was almost no sign that these girls ever existed. Since the game against the Erie Otters and the trip itself were so uneventful (the highlights being running into the team bus after I finished pumping gas in Brockville, and discovering that the Urbandale Centre had its very own BeaverTails stand), I had more than enough time to reexamine some of my going theories about the disappearance of the puck bunny.

To begin the brainstorming process, I had to take a trip back in time to my teen years, and start identifying some of the things that have changed socially since this golden era when the puck bunny reigned supreme from their junior hockey rink thrones across the country. The easiest thing to identify was the physical change; teen girls today look a lot different from the teens roaming this side of the planet less than ten years ago. Girls are aging (aesthetically) at a faster pace, for starters. You can blame the trendsetters in Hollywood for trying to convince the world that we’re unhealthy if we don’t have skin damage from the sun. And let’s not forget that fake is in: fake tans, fake boobs, fake nails, fake hair, fake personality; women today are starting to look like a page aggressively ripped from the binding of the latest Us Weekly – the SAME page no less.

Naturally, this started to make me question to state of desire, and what was now considered desirable to the young, contemporary female who subscribed to these ideals. My major jumping off point was the designer handbag, sunglasses, and pretty much everything uprising. See, about fifteen years ago (I’d say), lower end designers came on in full force with that whole “brand name” rage that swept the impressionable youth of its day. You remember when brands like Calvin Klein, Tommy Hilfiger, etc started becoming the it-designers for the middle class for the simple reason that they started splashing their name across the chest of every shirt they shipped to the department store nearest you. This began the designer obsession on the sole basis that now other people would be able to know how much you could afford to spend on material things, and how well you dressed just by simply reading the logo stamped in bold on the clothing item itself. Now, I’m not saying people never cared about fashion before that, but labels had never really been seen on the outside of a dress or a shirt, or, or, or before. Let’s just say keeping up appearances suddenly got a whole lot easier.

It took the upscale designers a surprisingly long time to get on board with this concept. Well, I shouldn’t say “surprisingly,” I’m sure the upper crust was not about to start begging for mass consumption as the likes of Tommy and Calvin were so eager to do. So, it wasn’t until I was in university, and long estranged from the junior hockey realm that the designer handbag fever swept the western world. What a brilliant idea. High end designers like Gucci, Prada, Louis Vuitton, and Chanel, all began producing purses in mass with their logo as the very pattern of the fabric. Without lowering the cost of the product, the designer handbag brigade began making purses that could be identified visually as being an icon of the upper class. Sure, before this era began, you COULD have spent all your hard earned money on a black Chanel purse that no one would know was Chanel except for the fashion obsessed (and even still, they’d probably just assume it was fake), but I think you can all see how much more appealing it would be to acquire this status item, if most people could identify it as such, and, therefore, you can also see how people would be all the more willing to throw down a cool grand if they can fake having this lifestyle for whatever reason or whatever pleasure they derive from doing so.

At first I complicated my theory unnecessarily. I started looking at the bigger picture of what such consumerism and such materialism was doing to the motivation of a young and impressionable society. Perhaps, this new age suggested that more and more women were signing up for the life of a gold-digger, and, perhaps, junior hockey players were small fish to fry in the grander scheme of NHL players and investment bankers. I decided, however, that, if there was something to this designer handbag theory, the cause could be found in the simplistic. These young pucks, running around with their Coach bags and Armani sunglasses, are, quite simply, TOO BROKE to afford hockey tickets. Sure, OHL games are cheap, but if you’re in high school, and either have no job or, if you do, you work at McDonald’s, you likely can’t afford to have your cake and eat it too. Especially when you consider that the designer purses, shoes, jeans also have to be constantly maintained with hair dye and trips to the tanning salon. And let me tell you, it used to cost me $250 a month just to maintain blonde hair – that’s a car payment for some people! Anyway, in the bigger picture, most puck bunnies realize that hockey players are hard birds to cage, and, therefore, attempting to impress the rest of the world becomes a much more lucrative investment.

Of course, not ALL puck bunnies play their games while rink side. Many junior level puck bunnies use the high school campus as a much more accessible hunting ground. However, that’s another story for another day. Stay tuned for more of my crazy theories, as Puck Bunny Month draws to a close.

Taken before I made an A&W pit stop. With attractions like these, are you surprised that this is the home town of Avril Lavigne?

Roll the credits…


(I like this video because Avril_Bambi and Avril_Carmen are in it.)

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Sunday, February 14th, 2010

Some call it stalking, I call it love.

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day and Puck Bunny Month, I thought I’d do a short write up about the newest internet stunt…I mean….website made by yet another desperate puck bunny wannabe and my number one “fan.” I have nothing better to do anyway other than sit on the couch and watch Supernatural with a tub of ice cream and a pitcher (or two) of Corona and orange juice. I love Singles Awareness Day! Plus, I love a good stalker. I’m talking, of course, about The Psycho Hockey Lady Haters Club blog.

OK, first of all, do I need to change my domain name to PsychoHockeyLady.com? Can no one get this right? And second of all, I really hope this site is a joke because it’s kind of sad if it isn’t – albeit hilarious in its sadness. The “AntiPuckWhore” as she calls herself on Twitter (15 followers…impressive…) has created a blog devoted entirely to criticizing my every breath as a writer and hockey fan. I don’t know if I should be disturbed or flattered, but I kind of feel like I have my own personal paparazzi, and part of me kind of likes it.

I saw the site for the first time a week or so ago, and I’m actually mildly impressed that the creator of this blog hasn’t given up on her quest yet. I know I shouldn’t draw attention to it, but I genuinely find the site hysterical. I think I’ll even post the link in my Teammates section so everyone can get the condensed, angry, and hilarious versions of my future hockey adventures. Unfortunately, I’m sure the free publicity won’t last. Eventually, she’ll realize that the buzz she’s creating over me is harmful to her cause. Mind you, I’ve been waiting for these girls to move on for the last six months, so… Anyway, click here to read it while you still can! Happy Valentine’s Day, hockey fans!

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Saturday, February 13th, 2010

Montreal…

The ellipsis really needs to be stressed in that title. Montreal causes me nothing but drama. On my first visit my credit card information as stolen by someone working at the front desk of the hotel I was staying at. A few months after that, my aunt and uncle had their car stolen during their weekend excursion. Montreal was also the site of my first ever black out moment induced by alcohol the night before a Flyers game last season. And by black out moment, I mean that I had forgotten a couple things that had happened. A bank visit, actually. I didn’t pass out or anything. Anyway, if these things weren’t bad enough, I always get lost on my drive in. I should have let Carmen drive because this trip was no exception! Although, both Bambi and Carmen came on this trip, neither of them got very much “ice time.” But that’s another story.

Montreal is best known for its nightlife, strippers, and a legal drinking age of a mere eighteen years young. Oh, and a little hockey team known to NHL fans as Les Habs! In simple and sweeping terms, Montreal is the Las Vegas of Canada. This is the town that party animals from all over the country flock to for a little nighttime scandal and daytime shopping. Whatever happens in Montreal, stays in Montreal. And that sentiment DEFINITELY applies to this blog post. Sorry! My lips are sealed. However, I will say that I had a delicious crepe for brunch, and man handled some of the game used equipment at the “sale” the Habs were throwing at the Bell Centre. $300 for a helmet? No thanks.

Roll the credits…

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Friday, February 12th, 2010

Generals@Ice Dogs: I was promised puck bunnies!

Beautiful St. Catharines, Ontario, former home of…Paul Bernardo…and current home of the Niagara Ice Dogs of the Ontario Hockey League. My trip to St. Kitts started off easily enough. Sure, I hit the disgusting traffic exiting the GTA during rush hour, but I still made it to my destination in an hour. Unfortunately, it was the WRONG destination. The Ice Dogs head office is NOT located at the arena, and I just happened to be sitting in front of the office building by the time I stopped the car. Luckily, the arena was not far off, but it only took me another hour to figure that out!

I was warned that the Jack Gatecliff Arena was really run down (it’s the oldest arena in the league), so I was pleasantly surprised to discover that it wasn’t nearly as bad as they were making it out to be. I’ve definitely seen worse in my day! I got there an hour before the gates opened, so I got a special VIP tour of the facility and all the young men doing their pregame workouts, etc. It’s funny how, “They’re only 17!” can change to, “Well…they COULD be 19!” with but a few sweaty laps around the track.

Before the game started, I had scouted out the usual locations the puck bunnies were said to frequent at this arena. But they didn’t show up. Not even the girlfriends seemed to be in attendance that night. Was the fact that it was a school night a factor in this absence? Have I just lost touch with what modern day, authentic puck bunnies actually look like? Or is there another reason for the scarcity of puck bunnies at the three OHL rinks I have visited this season? These are the questions and topics I will be addressing as Puck Bunny Month continues. I want answers!

There was actually one question that I posed in an earlier post about the effect the lack of puck bunnies would have on this new wave of junior hockey players. Junior hockey clubs like to celebrate scholastic excellence in their players. Last night, they honoured Freddie Hamilton, one of two Hamilton brothers on the Ice Dogs team for his overall, COMBINED average for his most recent term in high school. The kid’s effing average was ninety-eight percent, putting his brother’s ninety-seven to shame! HOLY FUCK! I think we just discovered one of the MANY byproducts of puck bunny scarcity. Nothing to screw? Let’s do homework instead!

The game itself was full of drama. Exactly twenty seconds into the first period, a hard check into the boards caused a panel of Plexiglas to come loose. Twenty minutes later it was finally fixed. And that wasn’t the only mishap of the game. With 13:06 left in the third, the power completely went out. It was actually pretty amusing to see how quickly people whipped out their cell phones and started waving them around like they were at a rock show. Eventually, the fans hurled their Great Wolf Lodge squishy pucks onto the ice in protest. I was OUTRAGED. Back when I worked for MLSE, we has a few of those squishy stress pucks floating around the office, and we used to fight over them These people clearly did not understand the value of the squish.

The Dogs were only up 2-0 at the time of the outage, so with over thirteen minutes to go, it wasn’t fair to the Gens to call it because ANYTHING can happen in that kind of time. Not to mention the fact that the OHL playoffs begin in a few short weeks, and both teams are battling for a spot. The commissioner said if the lights weren’t back on at 10:30 PM the game was going to be called. At 10:29 PM on the nose, God said, “Let there be light!” And the game was to resume. However, the power had been out for almost an hour at this point, and all but maybe a hundred people had bothered to stick it out.

With the excess removed from the stands, it was easy to see the handful of puck bunnies that had been camouflaged before the blackout. But still, the girls had no game. One group was complaining because the players had been sent back to the locker rooms, and they felt that during this time of uncertainty the players should have either just been skating laps around the rink looking for them pressed up against the glass, or actually walking around on foot (making them easy targets). Another group had baked cookies, but got so excited about the fact that they could sit ANYWHERE now that everyone had left, that they started to cry. Sitting RIGHT beside the bench was too much for them to handle, and they vacated immediately. I just sat their shaking my head, “No game; no game at all!”

This power outage was the best thing that could have happened to a puck bunny. Not only could you sit wherever you wanted when the game resumed, but the players were given another warm up! Two warm ups in ONE game, that’s puck bunny heaven if I ever heard of one. But these young pucks just didn’t know how to properly utilize the situation. Granted the Ice Dogs have only been calling the Niagara region home since 2007, but come on! Am I just the most lethal puck bunny that ever lived? Not in the sense that I am one, but in the sense that after years of studying the most extreme cases, have I managed to put together the most deadly game plan around? And why have I never used it? Perhaps, my next book should be a self-help book for aspiring bunnies.

Maybe you are thinking that I’ve lost my touch. Maybe these girls I identified as puck bunnies, aren’t actually puck bunnies. Shall I now direct your attention back to the top photo. The sign says, “I want a Gen in my underwear.” Wow. I didn’t make that sign. A threesome of pucks were holding it up all game. They had made the trek to St. Kitts from Oshawa, and let me tell you, that’s quite the hike for a bunch of young drivers. When the game ended, they discarded the sign, which gave me the opportunity to steal it, and take a picture with it. No…we didn’t fish it out of the garbage or anything… Oh, the things I’ll do for a laugh.

Roll the credits…

(Alexisonfire another product from St. Catharines, Ontario)

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    • Next Game

      Currently on assignment in Japan until the 2012-13 hockey season.

    • NHL Rinks Stalked

      [47] Air Canada Centre
      [08] Wells Fargo Center
      [06] First Niagara Center
      [05] Scotiabank Place
      [05] Joe Louis Arena
      [04] Prudential Center
      [03] TD Banknorth Garden
      [03] Honda Center
      [02] Xcel Energy Center
      [02] Tampa Bay Times Forum
      [02] Pepsi Center
      [02] Nassau Coliseum
      [02] Bell Centre
      [01] Verizon Center
      [01] United Center
      [01] Staples Center
      [01] Scottrade Center
      [01] PNC Arena
      [01] Nationwide Arena
      [01] Madison Square Garden
      [01] Jobing.com Arena
      [01] HP Pavilion
      [01] CONSOL Energy Center
      [01] Bridgestone Arena
      [01] BankAtlantic Center
      [01] American Airlines Center
      [02] Mellon Arena*
      [01] Maple Leaf Gardens*
      *Indicates Inactive Facility

    • OHL Rinks Stalked

      [28] Kitchener Auditorium
      [10] Hershey Centre
      [09] Gatorade Complex
      [08] Sleeman Centre
      [03] John Labatt Centre
      [02] Powerade Centre
      [02] GM Centre
      [01] Yardmen Arena
      [01] WFCU Centre
      [01] RBC Centre
      [01] K-Rock Centre
      [01] J. Benson Cartage Centre
      [01] Bayshore Arena
      [01] Barrie Molson Centre
      [41] St. Michael's Arena*
      [01] London Ice House*
      *Indicates Inactive Facility

    • AHL Rinks Stalked

      [64] Ricoh Coliseum
      [08] Van Andel Arena
      [08] Copps Coliseum
      [05] Bradley Center
      [04] Quicken Loans Arena
      [02] Scope Arena
      [01] AT&T Center
      [01] Allstate Arena
      [01] Cincinnati Gardens*
      *Indicates Inactive Facility

    • Other Rinks Stalked

      [03] Yokohama Skate Center
      [02] Arena Zurich-Kloten
      [01] U of T Varisty Arena
      [01] Nikko Kirifuri Ice Arena
      [01] Anyang Sports Complex

    • Game Stats (League)

      [320] Total Games
      [109] NHL
      [109] OHL
      [094] AHL
      [005] ALIH
      [002] IIHF
      [001] OUA

    • Game Stats (Country)

      [320] Total Games
      [239] Canada
      [074] United States
      [004] Japan
      [002] Switzerland
      [001] South Korea

    • Game Log
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