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Tag: Phoenix Coyotes

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

BizNasty on Twitter withdrawal, raising money for the homeless, and his Speedo.

Phoenix Coyote, Paul Bissonnette was quickly becoming the most popular and enjoyable NHL player on Twitter. He had his followers hooked and evidently dependent on his huge personality and completely uncensored wit. But then tragedy struck, and @PaulBizNasty vanished under the gavel of political correctness. The fans were devastated to say the least, but perhaps not more than Mr. BizNasty himself. Recently, and by that I mean, just now, Paul explained to Psycho Lady Hockey how he’s been coping with the loss of Twitter, starting up a new charity in Phoenix, and plotting to make his glorious return to the realm of 140 characters. So, read on and get your @PaulBizNasty fix here! Enjoy!

Psycho Lady Hockey: Before we get into this whole Twitter thing, what have you been up to over the off season? Anything scandalous?

Paul “BizNasty” Bissonnette:
The off season has been good. The way most guys do it is when the season ends they take about 4 to 5 weeks off. No training, no working out, just relaxing. I also take that approach, maybe to a different level. I went to Vegas with four teammates a week after our season had ended, and had a blast. I wore a Speedo at all the pool parties. That started a rumor on the net – not true. After Vegas I came back to Phoenix for another 3 weeks and partied and golfed. When it was time to go, I packed my truck and drove back to Canada with Taylor Pyatt. All the ladies reading this probably just got wet [Psycho Lady: I actually did!]. Then when I got home I started training Monday through Friday. On the weekends is when I have my fun in the off season. I go to Toronto, I went back to Vegas *laughs,* London, Ontario, and Muskoka. As for the rest of summer, August is quiet. I’ll skate 3 times a week and train. I go back to Phoenix in late August.

Psycho: Aww you just made me homesick! So what happened with your Twitter account exactly? Are you planning a comeback?

BizNasty: The reason I had to delete my account was because my agent was worried about the Kovi comment. I understand where he’s comin’ from. I had a lot of fans laughing, and it was all in good fun, but some people take things to heart – whatever. I’m gonna lay off Twitter, but plan on coming back early in the season with an account. The fans need it.

Psycho: That’s great! But will you have to make changes to the way you tweet to ensure that your new account is more permanent?

BizNasty: As far as toning down my tweets, I’ll say, “Yeah,” but probably not.

Psycho: Hahaha excellent! OK, can you talk a little bit about your new #freebiznasty campaign for the homeless?

BizNasty: The #freebiznasty campaign is a “charity” that I’m starting, very small, for the homeless. If you followed me on Twitter, you would know how much I love the homeless. I buy them food when I see them. Usually try not to give them money ‘cause homeless people tend to hit the booze. Basically, I do it because they live a hard life on the street. We don’t know their story and their struggles. So, help them out, baby!

Psycho: Wow that’s awesome. The shirts are great, by the way. So, why do you think @PaulBizNasty was so popular with the hockey community on Twitter?

BizNasty: Why do I think mine was popular? Because I put myself out there. I know if I was a fan, I’d wanna see the cool stuff that athletes do with their leisure time. I have fun with showing the crazy shit that I do.

Psycho: Very true. I’m sure most fans get bored reading about the morning skate every day. Well, we all know that your fans are suffering from @PaulBizNasty withdrawal, but how are you coping with the lack of Twitter? Are there any particular accounts that you miss following?

BizNasty: It blows. I’ve had so much funny stuff that has happened since. I still take pictures just in case, but it’s not the same without it. It’s like I lost my first child *laughs.* I didn’t really have a favourite Twitter to follow. I didn’t find anyone’s entertaining enough. I found it way better having fans tweet me directly telling me to check out cool websites like dontevenreply.com. I love that site now. The fans would tell me to check stuff out all the time. It was a two way street.

Psycho: Since you won’t be back on Twitter for another month or so, can I get a @PaulBizNasty style tweet for your fans and followers who are still having the shakes over the loss?

BizNasty:

Thanks to Mr. BizNasty for sharing his sparkling personality with me. Fans who are still trembling on the bathroom floor because Paul is not on Twitter, can dust off the old Facebook machine and connect with him that way. Click here to add him as a friend on the Face. Also, make sure you check out saucehockey.com to order your BizNasty T-shirts in support of the #freebiznasty campaign. I want one. Does anyone know if they will ship to Korea?!

Top Photo: When I think Paul Bissonnette, I think black water manties. You’re welcome, ladies!

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Monday, May 24th, 2010

Farewell Tour (Day 10): CODE RED! CODE RED! Plus, the AHL makes me sad.

San Antonio, TX The minor leagues are a place that not many a pro sport fan dare to tread. To a realist, the minor leagues do not glimmer with potential, but, rather, reek of failure and a desperate need to cling to an unrealized dream. The fans are different from those at the top. Many of them do not support their teams in the traditional sense, but rather view their local rink as an attraction, like a museum or circus, or a place to take the kids on Sunday afternoon. When the game is over, and the kids are all tuckered out, many of these fans go home, not to check on the scores in the big leagues because, frankly, they don’t care. Many of them will even utter the dreaded words that so many of us in NHL land would start a war trying to deny, “I’m not really a hockey fan.” Now, I know as well as you do that these aren’t all minor league fans, but this was the setting of the last hockey game in the ground portion of my NHL Farewell Tour at the AT&T Center in San Antonio, Texas.

Long ago, and perhaps in a place that only existed in the context of time and history, the American Hockey League was the best show in town. It was also the ONLY show in town. During the NHL Lock Out of 2004-05, the American league was a great place to be a fan. It was almost like watching the big show. The league was littered with displaced NHL talent, and the riffraff were banished to the lowly depths of the double and single ‘A’ pools. That was how the AHL first grabbed me. Coming into the NHL Lock Out, I had hit the age where, as a female, the OHL just seemed inappropriate. The age thing doesn’t matter now, but back then it did. When you’re 19, the last thing you want is some 17 y/o, injured boy hobbling after you on the concourse and telling you that his “ex girlfriend was your age” in a vain attempt to get your phone number. It just was too awkward being in a place like that, and so I went elsewhere.

I took my first AHL trip to Milwaukee, Wisconsin for no other reason than the fact that the Admirals were the defending champions that year. It was the one AHL fact I knew at that time. My first game at the Bradley Center featured the Admirals playing host to the San Antonio Rampage. It would be my first hockey road trip of many, and so it’s very interesting that San Antonio would be the first and the last team that I would see play in this era of my Psycho road adventures.

I was just going with the flow during my Farewell Tour. I knew for sure that I would be seeing games in DC and Dallas, but where things went from there, I had no idea. The initial idea was that I would give the Arizona Prophecy one last shot. Who knew, maybe something would have jumped out at me while I was back in the desert. Truthfully, I wanted to go to the Sedona vortexes more so than Phoenix, so I guess that will have to wait until another adventure when I am back on your side of the world. By the time I reached the Dallas portion of my journey, I was pretty worn out. If I was to make it all the way to Phoenix for the Oilers game, I would have had to leave right from the American Airlines Center to make it for puck drop the following day, WHICH would also mean that I had to give up the male dancers of La Bare – no thank you!

It really came down to the fact that I lost the will to go to Phoenix. My time in North America was running out, so what good would it have done me to find the guy I was allegedly supposed to find? After all, the Arizona Prophecy could be anything or anyone, and could manifest in a way I can’t possibly foresee. I did mention last season that the prophecy could be something that makes me change my path or habits, and that certainly seems to be the case if you ask me. Perhaps the prophecy is really something I’m supposed to find here in South Korea because of all the bad things that happened in my life because of Arizona. Who knows? I can tell you, though, that I am on the other side of the world now because of the Arizona Prophecy; there is no question about that.

The funny thing was that last season, at my final NHL game of the year in Phoenix, I had set an ultimatum for myself. I was already getting tired of the whole AZ thing. It was stressful, and I didn’t like it. I just wanted things to be back to normal. I had decided that if things went really badly in Arizona, I’d give up on the whole thing and never look back. Unfortunately, the opposite happened, which forced me back on the quest for another tumultuous hockey season. A Coyotes fan had asked me that night if I would be back to Phoenix again. Since nothing bad had happened, I told him I would, but as the words came out of my mouth, deep down I knew I’d never go there again.

It was about a four-ish hour drive from Dallas to San Antonio. I arrived at the AT&T Center about two hours early, and attempted to kill time by stealing the wireless signal coming out of a neighbouring Travelodge – the usual routine. The AT&T Center is in the middle of nowhere, so it was already kind of depressing. It felt worse than going to a game in Kanata, although, at least in Kanata, you are in store for an NHL game and some delicious poutine. You see, I’ve realized that, much like the AHL players, I experience the same feelings of disgrace that the boys do when I’m watching them from the stands. Sure, there are some hockey players that are counting their lucky stars that they have made it to the A, but there are also those whose two way contracts are painful reminders of their inadequacy (especially in the case of the Rampage), and you can feel it on every level. The Rampage are the affiliate of the Phoenix Coyotes. So, after all the moves the Yotes made at the trade deadline last season, a handful of full time Coyotes players found themselves demoted to the minors almost permanently. That would suck, eh? Some say it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. I wonder if that translates to the hockey player that gets but a single NHL season under his belt.

As I mentioned earlier, many of the fans at the AT&T Center that night claimed to be Rampage fans and not hockey fans. Many of them didn’t follow the NHL, or any hockey other than the local Rampage games. For those that did like the NHL, only a small percentage were supporters of the Phoenix Coyotes (I know, shock of the century). Many preferred the Stars, and in one special circumstance, the Sens for no other reason than multi-sport bunny, Carrie Underwood. It was really just a depressing environment. As a hockey fan, I felt pretty isolated there, but maybe that’s just San Antonio. I don’t remember feeling that way at any of the other AHL rinks I’ve visited in my rich career of hockey adventures.

The highlights of my night were the discovery of the San Antonio cheesesteak (essentially a Philly cheesesteak but with jalapenos), and the revelation of sexual misconduct puck bunny style. RED ALERT! There is nothing worse than bragging about getting with an AHL player. For one, AHL players are really insecure, which makes them really desperate, and really easy. Sure, they may have been the shit in junior, but now they are much harder pressed to find women who are impressed by their “hockey skills.” When you play major junior hockey, you’re the best of the best, but when you play in the AHL, you’re far from it. For the hardcore puck bunny, bragging about an AHL player just won’t do, so many try to skew the details of their minor league encounters and refer to their kills as NHL talent. Anyway, I knew a girl who would go on and on about this “NHL player” she nailed, it was like the biggest moment in her life or something. So, I was more than greatly amused when he skated passed me that night. Major BURN!

Anyway, after the game, I jumped in the car, tuned into the Coyotes game that I was missing in Phoenix, and attempted to haul ass to the Canadian border – 24 style! Truthfully, I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Roll the credits…

Most memorable road track: Arizona Prophecy 2008-09!

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Sunday, March 28th, 2010

Farewell Tour (Day 3): Love or something is in the air.

New York, NY Yesterday it was my sister’s ACTUAL 18th birthday, so I figured what better way to celebrate it than to attempt to step her up with a boy! I’m a nice person – HA! For a couple months now, Nick and I had been talking about setting her up with his cousin, and surprisingly they both agreed to a Dave & Buster’s excursion. It was cute and they even went off and played nice together while the grownups talked politics. Their first dance will go down in history as a random track from the Dance Dance Revolution machine LOL! This was actually my first real time in a Dave & Buster’s. I had been to one in San Diego last season after the Coyotes/Ducks game, but the game room was closed for whatever reason, and some unpleasantness ensued which we shall not discuss here.

Alas, young love wasn’t the only thing budding that night, the Arizona Prophecy decided to come out in full force. Sure, I had been noticing the odd thing since I announced the move to Korea, but it was coming at me from all angles again with Scottsdale and again with the whole love thing. Like I’ve mentioned to death, the AZ Prophecy was about the guy I was allegedly supposed to be with, but, like I also mentioned, I was open to interpretation. However, that morning, I woke up to my mom giving my sister and I birthday bracelets. Apparently, she decided to celebrate my birthday as well seeing as I will be in the Far East when my birthday finally rolls around (Stanley Cup Finals). Mine was a love bracelet, apparently, which I’m all for if it helps me trap the previously described Irish-Australian (Day 1). This bracelet, however, set the tone for the whole day, and now I’m more curious than ever to venture back into the desert.

However, and this is a big however, my friend feels that these “signs” are more like tests; temptations trying to keep me from a new path in life. I’m not really sure if that’s relevant in this situation because no matter what happens, I still plan on going off to Asia in a matter of weeks. While I did say that perhaps something massive would happen to make me stay, I only said that in the spirit that nothing is impossible. But, really, I can’t fathom anything so extreme to bring about this outcome. Truthfully, curiosity is the biggest factor pulling me to Arizona right now. In terms of the Prophecy, it seems kind of pointless for the reasons I just mention. Let’s say the guy is there, well, what can I do about that? Spend a few hours with a total stranger and decide to change my entire life? Not likely even for someone as crazy as I am.

Last season, when the Arizona Prophecy came true, the drama was already hitting catastrophic levels by the…umm…second game (Buffalo). This game was on March 6th, 2009 and the whole thing started on the 4th – that should put things in perspective in terms of how quickly everything intensified. At that point I was already making alternative theories. Maybe this “guy I’m supposed to be with” (by the way I feel all chick flicky when I talk about this, and I’m really not; I’m just the adventurous type) isn’t actually in or connected to Arizona, but perhaps I find him as the result of Phoenix turning me off of the hockey lifestyle that was keeping him away all these years. Yes, even then I was considering that my switch to the Phoenix Coyotes was going to turn sour, and drive me away to the comforting arms of *crosses fingers* an Irish-Australian. Last year, after a particularly intense game in Anaheim, another friend told me that if this was really fate then I can’t change it and I can’t ruin it no matter how hard I try. If you had told me last year that I would be moving to Asia in a matter of months, I probably wouldn’t have believed you. I probably wouldn’t have been able to comprehend a life away from the NHL let alone a new life attempting to escape from it. I guess, really, I just could not have imagined that the matters of Arizona would have gotten this bad so quickly.

Roll the credits…

Most memorable road track: Milwaukee (Admirals) 2005-06!

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Thursday, January 28th, 2010

Coyotes@Red Wings 24 Style – Bambi Does MotorCity.

Since January 26th was the first birthday of Psycho Lady Hockey, it seemed only fitting that I celebrate the occasion with a hockey game. (Did you know that it was Wayne Gretzky’s birthday that day, too? I feel special!) I wasn’t feeling too adventurous, so I figured a game close to home would be the best. I’ve been to Detroit several times for games, including Phoenix games. It’s a usual haunt for me. So, anyone who may have “questioned” why I would have gone there would clearly have just been looking for a pointless excuse to open communication with me – I figure.

Anyway, a few days before the game, Bambi begged and pleaded with me to let her go to the game in my stead. I was pretty leery about this given Bambi has a terrible track record at hockey arenas. And I’m not talking in the sense that she is bad luck for one team or the other, but rather, sometimes, she takes the puck bunny behaviour a little too far. The last time Bambi was at a game, she was so taken with the fact that one of the players kept smiling at her (and I have to admit, he was a total babe), that, upon him scoring in the remaining five minutes of the game, she ripped her top off and started waving it around her head like a lasso. I should also point out that she neglected to wear a bra to this event. And I should also-also point out that this was a minor league game! It has been years since I have let her go to another game with good reason.

For those of you who don’t know Bambi, she is a raging puck bunny who embraces the term and the lifestyle. But don’t be fooled by that fact, she still knows a shitload about hockey. She is a bleach blonde, fake tanned, wannabe Barbie doll stripper, and that’s why we love her. She can be a bit self-centred, bitchy, and in many ways evil, but I think that’s all part of her appeal. To get to know Bambi, make sure you click here to follow her on Twitter. Don’t forget to follow Carmen as well, so the poor girl doesn’t get a complex that nobody likes a daywalker… I mean…red head.

Take it away, Bambi.

OK, so I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say here. I was told to take pictures of myself every hour, and that’s it. Whatever. I left the T-dot extra early. I had to sneak away while Carm was in the shower, so she wouldn’t cramp my style. Hello, sometimes hot guys try to pick you up on the highway, and I really don’t need a head full of ginger cock blocking me, thanks. I didn’t see too many prospects, though, there were these two guys working at the Esso when I stopped for gas that just WOULD NOT STOP STARING. Take a picture, right?

The border guard was hot, but a total douche bag. He thought I looked dangerous or some shit. He asked me if I had ever been arrested. Umm for what, buddy? All the illegal porn you’re currently fantasizing about me doing in your head right at this moment? Please, let me through already, so you can take a Jergens break. It was kind of funny that while I was crossing the border to come back to Canada, they asked me similar questions. Did I have pepper spray on me? I can see how that would be a legitimate concern. They obviously thought I needed to know how to defend myself against an onslaught of negative male attention. Little did they know that negative male attention is my favourite!

The game was wicked awesome! Psycho and Carm were texting me saying how jealous they were that I was at the Joe and they weren’t. I’d like to point out that I’m pretty sure the Coyotes won because of me. The entire friggin’ team was staring down my shirt all night! And let me tell you, what I’ve got going on down there inspires great things. You’re welcome, Phoenix.

That’s all I really have to say, I’m supposed to pick a song now for the “credits” or something lame like that…

10 AM Stole the keys from Carm and heading off to D-Rock. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, they are real.

11 AM Stopped at the ‘Rents to drop off some ish. No one was home, so I left them a friendly note on the fridge.

12 PM Attempting to take a picture of myself in the mirror. FAIL.

1 PM I don’t know why people always think I’m up to no good…

2 PM Great Success!

3 PM Psycho told me to be cautious if I felt like I was receiving some type of sign. Between 3 and 4 PM I started randomly taking pictures of the radio. I came out with three pictures: Trouble, Phoenix, Warning. How interesting.

4 PM Stopped for some Lupper just before the bridge. It’s like no matter where I go, Carmen is always right there with me!

5 PM Sitting in front of the Joe. I got bored, so I decided to send some assholish text messages to Grand Rapids with hilarious results.

6 PM Me and my Jungle Juice!

7 PMOne of the few moments this kid wasn’t all over my stuff. It was like he knew me or something. Probably in his dreams LOL!

8 PM My homeboy,Todd Bertuzzi!

9 PM Random view from my seat! HOTT!

10 PMHome again. More of me, me, me, me!

11 PM Stupid biatch working the McDonald’s behind PUCK MASTERS screwed up my order. I was too hungry and cold to go in and complain, though. Anyway, sorry people, but I lost interest in the whole “24″ project at this point. Going on road trips by yourself is HARD. I don’t know how Psycho Lady does it…seriously!

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Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Chicago (Day 3): Snowstorms and lacy things.

I rolled out of bed pretty late on that Monday. I was feeling kind of lazy and lost the will to do anything crazy in my usual form. I had been toying with the idea of either continuing on to Minnesota, or heading south to Dallas. I think I crave the adventure maybe more than I crave the actual hockey. Unfortunately, I was ill equipped to embark upon another “mystical six game road trip” like I had spontaneously mounted last season at the beginning of March. So, I decided that a trip to Victoria’s Secret was all the excitement I was going to have that day.

I ended up checking out of the hotel way later than I had expected. I was watching HBO or something while I was packing, and He’s Just Not that Into You came on. I was very against the whole idea of that movie when I first heard about it. I really hate all that self-help dating stuff, especially considering it’s usually based on the experience of the individual, and centres around women having to modify their behaviour to be even remotely worthy of any man. I won’t go off on one of THOSE tangents, though. And, like I said, I don’t read those books and haven’t read this particular book either. All I know is that my friends that do subscribe to this brand of garbage, basically turn into walking doormats the moment a penis enters the vicinity. Whatever works, right? I’m personally not a doormat, nor do I find doormats attractive. So, I would definitely rather be without someone who wants that type of person *ahem* stereotypical hockey wife.

Anyway, when the movie was about to come on, I reached for the remote to flick it off, but had a curious change of heart. I thought that I’d see how this movie handled all the grade A advice staining the pages of the book. I was only going to watch it for twenty minutes or so while I finished getting my stuff together, but I have to admit that it was surprisingly good. Long after I had packed and put my coat on to leave, I could not pull myself away from it. I had to see how it ended. I was literally perched on the end of the bed in my winter coat, boots, and with car keys in hand for a solid hour at least! What I found interesting about the movie was that all the main characters ended up being “exceptions.” I kind of like that big F you the writers appear to have sent to the author of the book by doing that. After all, what good can the theories and “rules” be if they can’t even hold up?

At 1PM, I finally left my hotel and was bound for the big Victoria’s Secret on Michigan Ave. Surprise! They just happened to be having their Semi Annual Sale. I knew this was going to be more than a quick run in to pick up a new bra. I spent two whole hours in that place, and came away with some gems like the top photo suggests. Mine’s black, though, and it looks better on her, I’m pretty sure. It was great for me to actually have something to declare when the border guard asked me how much I spent on goods. They usually find it suspicious that I never go shopping when I’m away on my trips. Sorry, I just really HATE that activity. This time around, my border guard was a femme, and we had a nice little chat about the sale.

At three, I was back on the road and headed directly into the same hideous weather I hit on my initial journey to the Windy City. Luckily, I stumbled upon Easy Street somewhere in the-middle-of-nowhere, Michigan. Literally. I stopped for gas in some no name spot, which happened to be off a meaningless road with Easy St. labeled on the street sign. So, that’s where it is! Unfortunately, the streets weren’t easy for very long. I still had the 402 to conquer, and, of course, it did not falter in providing me with another one of its usual winter whiteout challenges.

What I love about driving, even in terrible snowstorms, is that the road gives me a place to think. Naturally, finding an NHL team to call my own was a major topic of internal debate during this trip. In my head there were really only three candidates, the Ducks, the Leafs, and the Coyotes. The Ducks have a lot of things that I like, but this trip made me feel like the team and I don’t have enough history to keep a long distance bond like ours alive for long. The Leafs and I go way back. They are the team I grew up with, and we’ve been through a lot. I was there when the team was hot, just like I was there when they were not. And the support was mutual. The Leafs were there for me when I had no one. I sometimes wonder what I would have done without my Saturday night Leafs game at certain points in my life. However, the home games are ridiculously overpriced and tickets are hard to come by. Granted, I’d spend more money paying for a flight, accommodations, and a hockey ticket in the Pacific Division, but the Leafs don’t satisfy the adventurer in me seeing as it only takes me ten minutes to get to the rink. Then there’s Phoenix. I don’t have much to say in their favour at this point, but something someone told me a month and a half ago has played over and over again in my mind.

A woman felt that she needed to weigh in on that whole Arizona Prophecy thing. She told me she lost me at the point that I decided to ditch the Coyotes. Basically, she felt that everything seemed to say that Arizona was where I needed to be, so, no matter what, I shouldn’t have pulled myself away. Maybe that’s true, and maybe it’s not. It’s hard to know what events to pay attention to and what to filter out. She makes some sense, but I don’t know if I can really go back at this point. Going to see a team play, just so you can cheer against them, is not all that enjoyable. Trust me.

By the time I pulled into the drive way at my parents’ house, I made no decision about my new NHL allegiance. Instead, I began to get some crazy ideas in my head that I might branch out altogether. I was thinking that maybe it was time to take a little vacation from the NHL, and switch leagues for a month or so – for my sanity. Luckily, the Olympic break is right around the corner, so the timing couldn’t be more perfect. Stay tuned for details.

Roll the credits…

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Saturday, November 28th, 2009

I found more hockey shit than I bargained for on my old PC.

In 2001, I bought a fancy brand new computer. It had one of those p-i-m-p liquid gel flat screens – totally ballin’ for the times. The hope was that this little baby would last me through the rest of high school and my university career. But, as you all know, I was irresponsible in university. I chose to travel all over North America (and Europe) stalking hockey rinks, instead of going to class. Eventually, my precious PC couldn’t take it anymore, and started to break down BIG TIME. At first, I reduced my use of it. I switched over to a lap top, and only logged into the old broad if I needed to print something. Finally, one fateful day, she wouldn’t even turn on anymore. Apparently, the Apocalypse was fast approaching.

Tonight, after all this time, I was able to extract most of the files and documents from the wasteland that was my old PC. I flew into a mild rage because most of my pictures didn’t make it. I was actually hoping to see some old snap shots from back in the old days of my early hockey road trips. Oh well! I guess we’ll never know what really happened! Anyway, I was browsing through some of the files, and there were a few gems hidden away in my “My Received Files” folder. Apart from some excellent jams that I hadn’t heard in years, I also came across a couple pictures of some current NHL players like you’ve never seen them before. Don’t get excited! These aren’t scandalous pictures by any means, they are just pictures you wouldn’t find doing a routine Google Images search.

Most people’s high school yearbook pictures come back to haunt them, but I think you’d have to agree that Nashville Predators D-man, Kevin Klein, looked a lot better in twelfth grade…when he had hair. Yes, kids, this photo was straight from the pages of the 2001-2002 St. Michael’s College School yearbook. That’s an ALL BOYS school in case you were looking to get hot ‘n’ bothered tonight, and yes, they had to wear THAT uniform. P.S. I used to bust that tie out for the “jocks and school girls” parties on campus. (Un)fortunately, photos from said parties were not saved.

During the 2004-2005 NHL Lock Out, the players had a lot of time on their hands. Many opted to make use of this time by experimenting with blond hair dye. Nashville Predators forward, Jordin Tootoo, my buddy, Corey, and Phoenix Coyotes winger, Scottie Upshall. I actually remember these pictures! Unfortunately, this is the only one that made it.

My friend and I at the 2004 OHL Championship game at the Hershey Centre in Mississauga. We actually witnessed the J. Ross Robertson Cup being hoisted that night. I have yet to see another holy grail of hockey being awarded live again. Also, apparently blond highlights were all the rage, eh? I’m rocking them, too.

Of course, the hockey content I retrieved wasn’t JUST pictures. My hockey related writings all made it over as well. Not only is the original manuscript of Down the Rabbit Hole: A Guide to Puck Bunnies safe and sound, but so are the several chapters of the sequel! I had attempted to do a spinoff of Down the Rabbit Hole, and tell a fictitious story about the life of a puck bunny. I wrote several chapters, but stopped because the content was actually beginning to terrify me. Don’t believe that it scared the crap out of me? Here’s a sample from Chapter Eight (2004),

My quest for victims was successful beyond my wildest dreams. I began to refer to Ryan as my first kill. He paved the way for other members of the Heathburg Coyotes. I devoured their team like a lethal swarm of locusts. I branded many of them as I did Ryan – like pigs being marked for slaughter.

Wow. By the way, how fucking insane/creepy is it that I named my fictitious team the Coyotes back in 2004? I actually just really freaked myself out. SERIOUSLY! I just about died when I read that. Apparently, I was also quite fond of the term, “pig” even back then! HAHA. Anyway, I also came across a poem that made it into an anthology at the University of Toronto. We had to submit Canadian content, so naturally I chose hockey. Again, this poem is from around the same time period, a time when I was reluctant to sugar coat the hockey world the way that I do on Psycho Lady Hockey, and, therefore, it is equally fucked up. I turned bright red when I read it again for the first time in five years tonight, but whatever. Feel free to try to analyze it, though, keep in mind that I was a teenager when I wrote it, so it might not be as complex as you make it out to be. Enjoy!

Blueliner (2004)

On the blueline
dies the man,
borne again patriot
whose jagged blades and crooked spears
defend glory, land and leaf.
This knight’s armor
hides his truth,
twilight’s loveless passion,
illegitimate peewees, and
an amber addiction.

On the blueline
glides the beast,
an angel fallen for
two minute sins: pride, lust, and greed;
a national idol.
This wolf has eyes –
predacious,
on a ruthless hunt with
cannibalistic hungers for
blood and sweat, flesh and skin.

On the blueline
stands a boy
who grew too fast,
and carried the weight of
his father’s unfound fantasies
upon padded shoulders.
On the blueline
lives his dream
of victory,
and the quest for precious medal
to adorn his frozen
heart.

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Thursday, November 26th, 2009

The Coyotes Sand Storm Sale: Another nail in the Glendale coffin.

Just a quick one today to talk about the Coyotes latest ticket sales stunt. I mentioned in the offseason that, as someone with previous experience in ticket sales and marketing strategies for a hockey team, I would be beside myself if I were in charge of fixing the Coyotes attendance situation. In previous seasons, the Coyotes organization has tried almost everything. In 2003, they built a beautiful new facility hoping that the Jobing.com Arena wow-factor would be the major draw that it should have been. Instead, local “fans” felt inconvenienced by the 15 minute commute along the 101 Loop. Does this relocation justify abandoning your team? The Senators don’t play in Ottawa, instead they face off in the pain-in-the-ass-to-get-to no frills Scotiabank Place in Kanata, Ontario. Perhaps, you’ve never been to Kanata, and therefore, have never seen the bitch mother traffic on the 417. Let’s just say leaving your downtown hotel at 5PM will often make you late for a 7PM puck drop. Yet, the Sens fans are packing the barn night after night.

Sorry, that turned into a little rant unintentionally. I just can’t believe that a facility as nice as Jobing.com Arena is being under appreciated. Mind you, I wouldn’t want to go there now, what with the whorey Swine Flu making a nightly appearance. Anyway, it should be said, before I keep going, that no one thinks Coyotes fans aren’t real fans. The people being targeted are the non-fans; people who can’t be bothered to check out the team in the first place. We all know you exist; unfortunately there aren’t enough of you. (But that’s another very long headache of an argument.) As you will learn, this sale isn’t going to help you in that department.

Anyway, back to previously failed sales attempts. In the 2007-2008 season, the Coyotes decided to go overboard with the giveaways approach – the old, “Let’s try to get people in the doors by giving them shiny collectibles.” That season, the Coyotes hit their peak deficit and found themselves $117M in the red for that year alone. Last season, the Coyotes appeared to try the opposite approach. I was at their fan appreciation night, and let me tell you, they chose to “appreciate” their fans by giving them nothing at all – not a puck, not a towel, nada. They even allegedly had a free booze night! What is left for them to do? How about give away all their tickets?

This week, the Coyotes announced their Sand Storm Sale. Essentially on Black Friday until “Cyber Monday” (whatever that is), hockey starved fans can purchase lower bowl tickets for all remaining home games for only $25! Sounds good, right? Fans will start flocking to Jobing.com Arena, and all will be right with the world, yes? Wrong. No, you’re not crazy; this is the same sales trick the ‘Yotes tried for their home opener this season, except they did that one the right way. They positioned their “Welcome Back White Out Sale” as a way to welcome the fans back, after a very long and trying offseason, by giving them a break on ticket price for the home opener. Of course, it’s not hard to see that they were trying to draw in new blood, and wine ‘n’ dine prospective new season ticket holders. However, FAIL, after the home opener, attendance dropped drastically to average major junior hockey club numbers.

You see, cheapening the product, which is what giving away tickets, or a drastic drop in ticket price will do to both the value of the product and the value of the team and the players, is what, those in the business would call, “a last resort.” Sure, there may be asses in the seats for the remaining home games this season, but at what cost? Here are a few:

• Most current season ticket holders will become enraged by the major discount “non-fans” are receiving. And season seat holders are the most valuable fans to any sports team, and they know that they deserve to appreciated as such.

• The sales team has valued the Coyotes on par with the San Antonio Rampage, and most other AHL teams (some teams charge a lot more than this), by reducing prices this drastically.

• Prospective new customers/fans will regard the value of NHL/Coyotes hockey as $25, and will not be so quick to start paying full pop once the sale is over. Basically, they are targeting the “cheap entertainment” crowd, and NHL hockey is a luxury for everyone. We already saw proof of this after the White Out.

Anyway, although I don’t agree with this sales approach, that’s not to say that I wouldn’t take advantage of it. My lower bowl ticket for the Coyotes game last season was $180, but it also included free food, free booze, and Vince Vaughn. So, I could get seven games in for the price of one with this promotion. Of course, I’m avoiding Arizona like the disgusting diseased pig that resides there, but that’s not to say that you shouldn’t jump all over this tomorrow. Unfortunately, the only people who will benefit from this are the players. I’m sure it will be a lot easier to play in front of a full house.

Should the Coyotes lower their ticket prices? Absolutely. Five hours along the I-10 in Anaheim, I could go and sit, and have sat, in the same seats for exactly half the price, and that’s the same price range for most hockey teams around the league. I’m not really sure what they are doing down there in the Coyotes sales department, but to be fair, they did try to give away free tickets on certain nights that the Coyotes won at home. Unfortunately, they forgot the major part of the equation – the Coyotes had to actually win. So, if you want to plan a golf trip to Pigland, I mean Scottsdale, then check out http://Coyotes.NHL.com for details.

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Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

Top 10 Tuesday: Replay Edition.

I heard about this reality show called, Replay, which brings together the members of former sports teams to play a rematch of the pinnacle games of their careers. It’s a really cool idea for a show! I have often thought about the defining moments in my career as a hockey addict, and I can’t help but wonder what my life might have been like had certain things not happened, or had I not gone to certain games. So, for this week’s edition of Top 10 Tuesday, we look at the games/moments that eventually led to the birth of Psycho Lady Hockey, and my hockey adventures around the world. Whether you are thankful things happened the way they did, or you’re a hater, and wish I had stayed home on these days is up to you. Get ready! You are about to embark upon a lengthy walk down memory lane. Enjoy! Top Photo: My first REAL Coyotes game. Look you can see my shirt! Haha!

10. Team Canada vs. Team Finland (December 31, 2002)

ACK! What I wouldn’t have given to have had actual plans on New Year’s Eve that year. For the first and only time in my life, I was experiencing constant peer-pressure. Let’s not discuss what it was pressure over, but the IIHF World Junior Championship games turned out to be the only rare occasions that my, then, friends would let up on trying to get me hooked on their ideas of who I should become entangled with. Some of them had a crush on the captain of Team Canada. I was so overwhelmed at the time that I didn’t notice him, but my most vivid memory of that time period was of his picture being on TV, and my friends letting up on me for a few brief moments just so they could gush over him. I guess the picture was ingrained on my mind as a type of safe haven, even though I had no idea who this player was (apart from his name), or where he played during the regular season. For years, I never actively thought of him again, but, like I said, his image would be the first memory that would come to me the moment I thought of this traumatic experience. I never knew or cared about what became of this guy, but sure enough, our paths would cross again and again and again in my hockey history. Anyway, I watched that game twice that night, nervous as Hell, and not absorbing a thing apart from one commentator’s strange remark, “Ruutu hammers Tootoo; two to Ruutu!” Try saying that five times fast! Replay: If I had plans on this NYE, had I been out of town, or far, far away from where I was; things would be different. I wouldn’t have learned the cold hard truth about puck bunnies, and the value of friendships when hockey players are involved. As a result, I never would have written Down the Rabbit Hole, and I likely would not be as involved with studying the culture of the game as I am today.

9. Kitchener Rangers vs. Guelph Storm (March 28, 2002 – Game 4)

The funny thing was the Kitchener Rangers were swept in the first four games of the 2002 OHL Playoffs, but ended up taking the Memorial Cup in 2003. Earlier that season, I was introduced to OHL hockey, and started introducing my friends to it as well. By this final game of the 2001-2002 season, one of my friends decided to meet up with a girl she knew from one of her extra-curricular activities (and I mean that in the non-dirty sense). This girl, and her friends, went to high school with the team, and they were full blown pucks. One girl had a webpage, you remember those homestead accounts people used to have, on which she posted a picture of every player she had relations with and what she did with them. Unlike the rumours people started about my site, this chick actually posted this stuff (and only this stuff) on hers. Anyway, these girls were in the habit of waiting for the players after the games, and they introduced my friends to this ritual. I remember how awkward I felt standing there. I never understood what they were after. They didn’t want autographs. They didn’t want pictures. They just wanted to be seen. I stood there pressed up against the concrete wall, looking down at my running shoes, and praying that the next thing out of someone’s mouth was, “OK! Let’s get out of here.” That offseason, I moved to Toronto to finish high school, and left my former hockey buddies behind to mingle with the likes of the locker room lurkers. On the weekends, when I started coming home again, I was horrified to learn that my friends had grown closer with the type of girls discussed above, and that they were now in the habit of waiting after every game. I remember fiddling with my keys, trying not to make eye contact, yet somehow some of these guys ended up with my phone number and email address. Replay: Had we decided not to go to this 2002 playoff game, my friends would have likely lost interest in the Rangers after my relocation to Majors territory. But since this didn’t happen, this behaviour eventually led to my very traumatic, and life defining experience during the 2003 WJC tourney the following season.

8. St. Michael’s Majors vs. Kitchener Rangers (February 10, 2002)

Of course, I already knew all about the Ontario Hockey League when I was a kid. I even sang the national anthem with my choir at one of the games back in grade school. However, it was my uncle who took me to my first REAL junior hockey game. I was really obsessed with the Leafs and never missed a game. This was before the horrid LeafsTV era. My uncle decided to introduce me to the O because he thought I would probably love it just as much. I did love it. I loved sitting so close to the ice and being able to get a sense of the size of the players and the quickness of the game. I never sat closer than the second last row of the upper bowl at the Air Canada Centre or Maple Leaf Gardens. Replay: Sometimes I wonder had the Rangers not been the team visiting St. Michael’s College School Arena, if I would have sought out the team when I was back home in Kitchener with my fellow Catholic school girl friends.

7. Employment with Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment Ltd. (2005-2006 Season)

Leafs fans have been put through a lot like, a repeating history of horribleness, and a total scarcity of game tickets. That being said, they are loyal as Hell. The Leafs were my homeboys. They could do no wrong in my eyes, until the fateful day I accepted employment in an MLSE front office. After my dream job turned into a nightmare, I couldn’t stand the sight of the Leafs or any MLSE team. Thank goodness, the Rock and the Jays are independent of MLSE! Replay: Had I not gotten the job with MLSE, I know things would be different. To this day, I would still be a die-hard Leafs fan, albeit a sad one. I would have likely never began my NHL road adventures, and I’m sure I would have been more than content being a hometown, blue jersey wearing, Labatt drinking hockey fan. I would have never seen the things that I’ve seen, met the people I’ve met, or had the adventures I’ve had. Had I not taken this job, maybe I’d have all the things that a life on the road has prevented me from having. Maybe I’d have a boyfriend. Maybe I’d be married…with kids? Eek. This one really makes me wonder about how normal my life could have been.

6. Grand Rapids Griffins vs. Milwaukee Admirals (January 29, 2005)

The NHL Lock Out was a difficult time for all hockey fans. I decided to seek out the AHL as a substitute for my beloved Leafs. One night, my friend and I discussed wanting to go on a road trip. Neither of us cared where we went, so I nominated an AHL city because, being a Leafs fan, supporting the Hamilton Bulldogs seemed wrong. I nominated the Milwaukee Admirals on the grounds that they were the defending champs. I didn’t know much else about the team at the time, but after my first game at the Bradley Center on January 20th, 2005, I was hooked. We saw two games in Milwaukee, but on the way back to Toronto, fate intervened. Not paying attention to the road, we found ourselves on the I-96 headed toward Grand Rapids. It was at that moment that we realized how close some of the other AHL teams were to Toronto, and decided to see the Ads play there the following weekend. Replay: Had I not been so into the music, and noticed the off ramp in the left lane, I doubt I would have gone to another Milwaukee game every again. This would have stopped the wanderlust, which eventually turned into Psycho Lady Hockey, from developing.

5. Colorado Avalanche vs. Phoenix Coyotes (November 4, 2009)

This was the game that killed my feelings for the Phoenix Coyotes for good. When I visited the Pepsi Center for the first time, I realized that I couldn’t go home again. The Coyotes were all I knew. As much as I was starting to despise them, they were comfortable. After this game, I was very disillusioned about the Arizona Prophecy and fate in general. I guess, in time, I’ll learn about what the point of this Coyotes misadventure was, but for now it’s a mystery. Replay: What would have happened if I didn’t book this doomed vacation? Would I still be a Phoenix fan? Or was it only a matter of time before everything fell apart at the seams?

4. Buffalo Sabres vs. Philadelphia Flyers (February 20, 2007)

After my employment with MLSE, I was at a loss for a team for a couple of months. I had an idea to check out a game in Buffalo, as that was the closest NHL team to Toronto, so it made the most sense for me. They were going to be playing the Philadelphia Flyers on the night in question. I kept asking my friends if they wanted to go, but I was getting denied at every turn. Finally, I had given up on the idea, and just decided to be content with my hockey-less life. One day, the day my scouted Sabres tickets were set to expire on ebay, my, soon to be, hockey partner in crime sought me out. That night we won the tickets, and as it would turn out, they were a couple rows behind the Flyers bench. Instead of becoming a Sabres fan, my friend and I became fast Flyers fans, and scheduled our first trip to Philadelphia for less than two weeks later. Replay: Had my now friend (we had only met twice before that) not contacted me for that game, I never would have become a Flyers fans. I never would have had some of the best, and my most cherished, hockey years of my life with some of the craziest fans in the league. I also wonder if the Arizona Prophecy would have found me if I wasn’t wearing a sparkly black and orange target on my chest.

3. Toronto Maple Leafs vs. Hartford Whalers (1994ish)

My uncle decided I was old enough for my first NHL game at the Gardens. I was too lazy to look up the actual date of this game – sorry. At that time, my game experience was limited to Jays games at the SkyDome. I’d only ever see the one game at Maple Leaf Gardens, but the experience had a lasting effect on me and was, obviously, a defining moment in my hockey history. Replay: Had my uncle decided to take his friend to this game instead, I wonder if hockey would have been the thing I turned to in my teen years to keep me sane and stave off adolescent anxiety. I think it’s likely that I would have never found hockey on my own, if it wasn’t for my uncle’s influence in the sports department. It really makes me wonder what kind of life I could have had if I was completely untouched by the fastest sport on ice.

2. Boston Bruins vs. Philadelphia Flyers (March 3, 2009)

I wasn’t supposed to go to this game in Boston. Early on in the second half of the season, I had limited myself to only going to the Flyers game in Boston on February 7th. However, the trip went amiss, and I decided to give Boston another go. For some reason, Boston had always seemed very significant to me in terms of the Prophecy. Replay: Of course, I was thrust into my unexpected mystical six game road trip the day after this game. I wonder if I hadn’t been in Boston at the time, if I would have bothered to follow the predictions and switch teams to Phoenix as thoughtlessly as I had. I think it is more likely that I would have finished off the season with Philadelphia, and may or may not have reassessed things over the offseason.

1. Boston Bruins vs. Phoenix Coyotes (March 5, 2009)

Seeing that I was still in Boston on March 4th, I felt the call to the Arizona Prophecy after I received word that one of the predictions had fallen into place. I was supposed to be getting on a plane to Buffalo, and heading back home to Toronto. I was at a literal crossroads and I didn’t like the sane option. If Phoenix was the path I was supposed to go on, then I wanted to be able to either confirm or rule the Prophecy out by my own efforts – see (or not see) with my own eyes. It was the most romantic thing I ever did, the only strange thing about it was that I didn’t know who the guy was that I was running to. Replay: The safe bet would have been to get on that plane, but instead I ended up running out of Logan International and back downtown Boston. If I hadn’t received that text message, and got on that plane as scheduled, MAYBE I would have gone to the Coyotes game in Buffalo on the 6th, but I think it was likelier that I would have talked myself out of believing the psychics and searching for the possible man of my dreams. Maybe I would have been responsible and gone to class, instead of embarking upon a “money is no object” trip to find my destiny. I don’t know if there is something to the Arizona Prophecy, as far as I know I found nothing in the desert but heartache. Who knows what the point of all of this was, all I can say is that if I was a little more sane and a little less impulsive, I would have been a lot happier for the last nine months of my life. Oh well, at least I have the story to tell.

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Friday, November 20th, 2009

Ducks@Red Wings 24 Style

Finally! After this post I will be all caught up with my previous game entries. Last Saturday, my friend and I decided to embark upon a last minute trip to Detroit to see my potential new-boyfriend team, the Ducks, take on the Red Wings. The Ducks and I aren’t official yet. We’re just seeing each other. I’m not sure if they are the team that I can take home to meet my parents. You see, there are too many “fans” on the Ducks team. I know it’s great for my material, but I can’t help but think that they are going to turn into another obsessive headache like Phoenix became. OK, I don’t normally bring this stuff up, but I have to this time just because. During the game one of the “fans” skated over and licked his lips at me. YES…LICKED!! Really? In front of everyone? I would have loved to see my face when he did this, but something tells me I wasn’t as horrified as I normally would have been on account of winter being around the corner, so you know…

Anyway, we used to do Michigan trips in a 24 style photo album. And by “used to” I mean we did it once. Essentially, we take a picture every hour that we are on the road and let that tell the story of the trip. Of course, we weren’t gone for exactly 24 hours, so you won’t get a full day’s worth, but you’ll get the idea of what we were up to. So before I turn it over to my terrible photography skills, there are a couple strange things I want to mention about the trip.

I woke up in the morning on game day, and I felt a strange connection to the heinous beasts, the Coyotes. Did I miss them? What was happening? This connection carried on throughout the day, and some “Phoenix” signs started to reappear. The biggest sign, which may or may not have stopped my heart for a moment, was the return of that evil Scottsdale sign. You remember back during my mystical six-game road trip last season, I wandered into the restroom at Nassau Coliseum on Long Island, and an ad for immigration to Scottsdale stopped me in my tracks, and caused me to book my trip to Scottsdale/Phoenix/Glendale in April. Well, I have been to several games since then. I have even been to two games at Joe Louis Arena, and I never saw this sign again…until Saturday night. I had been in and out of that washroom several times, and I never noticed any advertisements.

For some reason, as I was walking out of the little girls’ room before the third period, I saw it in the corner of my eye. Again, I stopped in my tracks, but this time I wasn’t awestruck, I was mad. “Oh no!” I thought, “I’m not playing this game.” As much as I would have loved to stick around Phoenix for the sake of the Arizona Prophecy, that path is far too difficult now. It would literally take a miracle or something drastic or dramatic to get me back now. I think the most likely thing is that I am being universally fucked with. Seriously, it’s not funny. I can’t go back to the Coyotes, so stop trying to convince me that I should. From now on I’m going to be highly suspicious or any and all possible “signs.”

Roll the credits then enjoy my 24 style photos…

10 AMish

“Sorry I’m late! I missed the exit for your house and it may or may not have had something to do with Savage Garden being on the radio.” What was more embarrassing was that the song was Truly, Madly, Deeply.

11 AMish

Dear Rockstar Energy Drink people,
I give you far too much publicity on my site. It’s time to sponsor me!
Yours truly,
Unemployed University Grad.
(Taken after I failed at yet another attempt to teach Amanda how to pump gas.)

12 PMish

In a moment the passenger in this car will get out of his seat, turn around, and sign us his phone number with his hands. We texted him. He was from Sudbury. The interesting thing was that this wasn’t the last time this would happen on the way to Detroit.

1 PMish

Pit stop at Timmy Ho’s! This was probably the most Canadianized Tim Horton’s I’ve ever seen. Directly to the right of it was a cow farm, and directly to the left was a hockey rink.

2 PMish

Finally approaching the Ambassador Bridge in Windsor, ON. Our border guard was…interesting. She knew her girl stuff! Hahaha

3 PMish

The strange limo that interrupted our lunch at the Hockeytown Café.

4 PMish

We contemplated ditching the Red Wings and going to this concert instead, but the ticket agent was going to charge us extra to sit in the no spray zone.

5 PMish

Stealing wireless and doing some work in the car before the gates opened. I still feel so satisfied when I come across an unsecured wireless network!

6 PMish

St. Jude decided to come out of my cleve for awhile and pose in front of the ice.

7 PMish

Random Ducks/Wings shot #1

8 PMish


  • The view of the Ducks bench from our seats.

    9 PMish

    The Red Wings celebrating their 4th of 7 goals in their 7-4 victory over Anaheim.

    10 PMish

    Waiting in a massive line to cross back into the homeland. Damn American underage kids going to drink and gamble the weekend away! LOL

    11 PMish

    Amanda falls asleep again. This is actually the fake picture. She discovered I took the picture and deleted it when I wasn’t looking. This is her pretending to sleep.

    12 AMish

    Yesssss! I won a McDonald’s Monopoly muffin! Too bad it expires MONDAY!

    1 AMish

    At one point Lynxie became possessed and started flashing potential weather conditions at me on the dashboard. He’s never done that before. He kept saying, “Ice Possible!” I tried to get a picture of it, but my cam takes too long to go off…piece of trash!

    2 AMish

    Descending upon the Greater Toronto Area….look what came on the radio again….

    3 AMish

    The package has been delivered.

    The end.

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    Thursday, November 19th, 2009

    Anaheim (Day 5): Game Day #3 Coyotes@Bronze Adoni – My belt is the one that says, “Bad Mother Fucker.”

    The dreaded Coyotes game finally arrived Saturday. I was up early that morning so I could be ready to meet up with the KingsCast boys in Los Angeles at noon. I was late. This was the first instance that I have experienced a GPS system taking me to the wrong destination even after I specifically crunched in the address. Kind of annoying, especially when you consider that I actually vaguely knew how to get to Staples Center, but decided to use the GPS so I wouldn’t get lost. Oh, did I mention that I was driving a MINI VAN! Yeah, when I got to LAX on the Wednesday, my car wasn’t there, so I was stuck with the hockey mom mobile. At least it was black, and I did make some sweet risky moves with it. I figured everyone would assume I had kids in the car, and would back off and let me be an asshole. My most overused phrase of the trip was, “There are kids in the car, bitch, yeah, that’s right!”

    I had a blast with the guys from KingsCast despite looking like ass for that episode of Overtime. It was revealed later that my Team Canada shirt was the problem. You aren’t supposed to wear red on camera because it negatively distorts your appearance! Oh well, now I know better. Anyway, those guys are hilarious! If you don’t watch the KingsCast webcast, you should. I’m always dying of laughter whenever I tune in!

    After we wrapped up in LA, I headed straight to IN-N-OUT for round two, then met up with Lauren to go for a cruise down PCH (Pacific Coast Highway). There was really not enough time to go to the beach before the dreaded main event at the Honda Center that night. I got to The Pond at 6PM, but not before stopping at IN-N-OUT a third time to get a Neapolitan shake – secret menu HAZZAH! I opted to avoid the Coyotes and take in the warm up on the Ducks end. My seats were behind the Ducks bench, but Honda Center is one of those rare arenas that don’t have gaps between the benches, so I was practically behind the Coyotes bench as well.

    That game was something special. The source of my TV material was out in full force with his obsessive behaviour. I really hope the appropriate people were watching this game of his, because I know that people all the way up in the 400s were greatly entertained by it for the entirety of the game. Trying to fit those last longing gazes in, eh? Or maybe he misinterpreted my death stare as unbridled desire – FAIL! Do all guys act without thinking? I’d really love to know. I had some great lines, too. “Put your eyes on me again, and I will come after you in the night, and not in the way that you’d like me to!” Anyway, I really enjoyed cheering the Ducks on during this game. Kind of funny how the most entertaining Coyotes game I’ve ever seen was a game that I was cheering against them!

    I like the Ducks. There are many “sources of material” on that team. Not to mention that a few of my old crushes are on that team now. Steve Eminger was one of my Kitchener Rangers crushes back in high school, and Sheldon Brookbank was a Milwaukee Admirals crush. It’s funny how my taste in men has changed with age! Mind you, as I mentioned in Day 3, I do appreciate the golden tans that all the Ducks seem to have. Typically, I don’t like tans on men in general, but the Ducks have “the perfect tan” if you will. Not like the smelly Coyotes with their sunburns and leathery faces. At most games I want to fling a bottle of aloe vera based moisturizer at them. Can someone please get them some sunscreen! Actually, don’t. Let them all get skin cancer (and die?). Well, not ALL of them, and especially not you, Taylor Pyatt! I want to see SPF-75 on you at all times.

    Anyway, enough Coyotes ranting. I made sure I was wearing my BMF belt so everyone knew I meant business at that game. Seriously, you don’t mess with this belt! It’s studded! I was sitting next to Chris for the game; she’s a great hockey buddy! I love the fans in the southern markets. Maybe there isn’t A LOT of them, but they remind me of junior/amateur fans. They really get behind their players in semi-parental roles. I love it! There is a lot of name screaming going on!

    The Ducks won 4-3 – a satisfying victory for me. After the game, Lauren and I went out for some intense mac ‘n’ cheese! There was chicken and bacon in it, and you know how I feel about bacon and cheese! Later that night, I retired back to my quarters to pack up my stuff. I was heading back to LAX at 4AM to catch my flight back to the motherland. This time around, I cannot express how happy I was for this trip to finally be over. I felt so relieved to be back, that, if the Toronto streets weren’t so dirty and urine soaked, I may have actually knelt down and kissed them.

    Roll the credits…


    (hahaha!)

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