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Tag: guelph storm

Thursday, December 31st, 2009

Knights@Storm: Another holiday season junior hockey extravaganza!


A lot has changed at the old Guelph Sports & Entertainment Centre, like its name, for starters. The shady looking arena has changed sponsorship and has, thus, been renamed the Sleeman Centre. As I noticed at the Kitchener Aud for the Rangers/Storm game on the 18th, their uniforms have changed too! Instead of black, maroon, and grey, the Guelph players were beginning to resemble the Phoenix Coyotes from a distance! Also, parking wasn’t free anymore – $2 my ass! But maybe the biggest change of all was the change in ticket availability!

By some miracle I remembered my way back to the rink. I haven’t been there since the end of 2004. Instead of Google Mapping the directions, I thought it would be more fun to see if I could get us there by memory. I’m telling you, I was 80% positive that we weren’t going to be seeing any hockey that night. If you’ve never been to Guelph, then you probably can’t quite grasp the difficulty of this mission. See, Guelph is known for having six-way intersections without even a HINT of a grid system. The first time I went there, I got so lost that I had to follow the visiting team’s bus in order to actually find the arena! Anyway, I’m not really sure what happened this time, I must have gone into some type of subconscious cruise control mode, because as soon as I saw a strange hidden intersection, I knew I had to turn (and by “turn” I mean “reckless swerve.”) Of course, The Co-Operators, a.k.a. the only office building in Guelph (I’m pretty sure), did help to guide my way after I made that turn. Once I saw their logo glowing in the distant night sky, I knew that we were close and hockey would be on the agenda after all.

But the victory of our successful twenty minute journey was short-lived when the ticket agent told us we were limited to two options for the game against the London Knights that night – standing room, or pimp suite. Umm, we’ll take pimp suite for 200, Alex! The suites were actually reasonably priced at $29 a head, but the downside is that you’re paying extra to share closed quarters with God knows who else. Our suite, number 27, was already occupied with a family of blondes with a major attitude problem – perfect! They gave us a nice stare down when we walked in like we had no right to be there. Apparently, they didn’t grasp the magnitude of my BMF cowgirl shirt. We knew we’d have a hard time dealing with these beasts without the assistance of our good friend, the cocktail bar.

The bar wasn’t in the suite or “stee” as I was calling it based on the letters STE printed on the ticket. It was a bit of a hike to get to that shining beacon of safety. They had a custom drink menu! My drink was boldly revolting in a strangely tolerable and almost enjoyable way. How fitting that my drink of choice was named, The Hockey Star. While watching the warm ups from the bar area, I had my most resilient idea of the night. Instead of going back to Stee 27, we’d sneak into 26 and lay low. It was pure luck that Stee 26 was the ONLY stee that was completely empty for the entire game. However, what seemed like a lucky break at first (a whole suite to ourselves), would soon turn out to be a nuisance which added more than a little stress to the game experience.

Half way through the first period an argument began to brew outside our door. Some type of suite manager (West Witch) was yelling at one of the security guards on account of the fact that there were only two people in our stee. My friend kept turning around and watching them, “Stop it. Stop it. Don’t do that.” I whispered while not taking my eyes off the game, “Don’t make it look like we’re not supposed to be in here.” What was hilarious about the argument was that the West Witch seemed to think that the box office was to blame for our presence in Stee 26. Apparently, they dropped the ball and gave us tickets they shouldn’t have. First of all, why was the security guard getting shit on for this, and, come on, did they not even CONSIDER that we may have just snuck in there, like we ACTUALLY did!? Despite that being mildly hilarious, the incident set an uneasy tone for the rest of the game. You can probably imagine that we were constantly looking over our shoulder whenever we sensed motion in the hallway.

And it didn’t help our paranoia that, Stormy, the new second mascot of the team behind Spyke, was stalking us. I’ve had several “incidences” with mascots in my day, but, given that the West Witch was on the prowl during the game, this one was far more startling. Originally, Stormy came into our stee and hugged us, etc, photo op, you know the drill – no big deal. Later on in the game, my hair stood on end when I began to sense movement in the room. Was it the West Witch? We didn’t want to turn around and look suspicious, so we kept our eyes on the ice. Then the heavy breathing started, but still we froze in our game watching position. Then it grabbed us! Fucking STORMY! Then he laughed and laughed in his mute mascot manner. I quickly theorized that we shouldn’t be fooled by his super cute and lovable exterior, he was probably working for the West Witch, and sent to spy on us and capture incriminating dialogue confessing to sneaking into Stee 26. Well, we didn’t give him the satisfaction – HA!

By the time the buzzer sounded to end the game, we still had not had a showdown with the West Witch. The shit storm never came, but that wasn’t the only thing that didn’t bother to show up. As I kept exclaiming throughout the game in an exasperated tone, “WHERE DEM BLONDES AT?” There were almost no puck bunnies at this game, and I only got to say, “Did you leave your red lollipop at home?” once! Were puck bunnies becoming extinct? Do I need to do another field study? In the last six years, Guelph, London, and Kitchener (twice) have all won the J. Ross Robertson trophy. Tickets became scarce in this puck bunny hot bed. Did the bunnies go extinct with the tickets? And what does this mean for not only their future, but this new generation of hockey players as well? Such questions need answers!

The last time I was in Guelph for a Storm game, I was eighteen years old. Coincidentally, the Storm were playing the London Knights that night as well for the 2004 OHL playoffs. Back then the teams looked very different. Instead of watching “LIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTLE BOOOYYYYYYYS” (my cheer of the game), NHL stars like Daniel Paille (Bruins), Ryan Callahan (Rangers), Daniel Girardi (Rangers), Kevin Klein (Predators), Cam Janssen (Blues), Ryan Parent (Flyers), faced off against Brandon Prust (Flames), David Bolland (Blackhawks), Corey Perry (Ducks), Rob Schremp (Islanders), Dennis Wideman (Bruins), and Danny Syvret (Flyers). The players seemed so much older back then. It’s hard to believe that some of the liiiiiiiiiiiitttttle booooooyssss skating around that night will someday join the ranks of those listed above. Oh, P.S. one of the London Knights’ players is named, Knight! HAHA! Small things amuse me.

Anyway, that does it for my final game of 2009! I’ll be kicking off the 2010 half of the season by turning over a new leaf on Saturday when I retrace my steps along Lake Michigan for the first time since 2005! I’m more than done with the old (Coyotes), and waiting with open arms to welcome all the new year has to offer! Happy New Year, hockey fans!

Roll the credits…

(This was my jam when I was 17. I hate it when there are too many rookies, and not enough pros… P.S. Explicit Lyrics Warning!)

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Saturday, December 19th, 2009

This is what happens when you set me loose in a junior hockey arena with a camera.

Forgive me for skipping over the Coyotes game in Toronto on Wednesday (I WILL get to that game summary next), but I was too excited about my first REAL reunion with the Kitchener Rangers and the Guelph Storm. It’s been five years since I last attended a junior hockey game. The last time I was at the Kitchener Memorial Auditorium was for the Rangers Alumni game during the 2008 Memorial Cup. Of course, that game wasn’t the real deal! With all the old faves from my high school days, including NHL stars Mike Richards, David Clarkson, Derek Roy, Steve Eminger, Gregory Campbell, and even Scott Stevens behind the bench, it was more like a walk down memory lane than anything else. No jailbait in sight!

I was mostly excited to get back to the rink to see what the new generation of puck bunnies was up to. The Aud was, after all, the arena that inspired me to write Down the Rabbit Hole: A Guide to Puck Bunnies in the first place. Back in the day, at LEAST half the arena used to be filled with full fledged pucks, but, sadly, tonight I could hardly spot any! After the 2003 Memorial Cup victory, the Rangers had a harder ticket to come by than the Maple Leafs. It was impossible to get a seat unless you knew someone who had season tickets through work. I ended up switching teams to Guelph in 2004 as a result of the scarcity! Anyway, my theory is that when the tickets stopped being available, the puck bunny presence at the arena had to drop off dramatically.

I did see the odd cluster here and there. They were confined to the rink side standing room section. Back in the day, I would have DIED if I had to stand down there! These girls have evolved with the times. Sure, they all still play that game where they have to look “uninterested” in the players and the game. It’s a strange rule that they all have like they think that showing up isn’t enough to tip every one off that they are there for a reason and, maybe, I don’t know, to watch a game. Of course, they all saw me, too, in my 17 year old disguise. Unfortunately, given that fake tans and designer everything has become the trend in the six years since my hay day, they all looked significantly older than me (even when I’m not wearing purple lipstick and silver eyeshadow). See, tanning IS bad for you! Anyway, many of them became preoccupied with the fact that my seats (which were given to us by a season ticket holder) happened to be RIGHT next to the bench and theirs weren’t. I was an obvious threat – duh!

What was funny, also, was that they would disappear! When you have standing room you are free to roam about. There is the rink side level standing room (premium warm up location) then there is the upper location, which just happens to be right beside the box that the scratched and injured players sit in. Get ‘em while their weak, eh, ladies? During one of the intermissions, I actually saw a bunch of them chasing an injured one down!

It’s interesting the kind of perspective you get on junior hockey players with age. Back then, they seemed like a herd of savage beasts (I believe I used to call them “beasts” quite often actually); a bunch of cocky assholes jerking everyone around and screwing anything that moved. They were like walking nightmares. Then you grow up, but the boys, they stay the same, and you realize that they are just little boys who haven’t made it anywhere, and are still in awe of those who play above them (even in the AHL), the way that you or I might be in awe of Joe Sakic or Bobby Orr. You get a very different sense of them when you are old enough to start to look at them like the kids they are. It kind of makes you want to nurture them, and I suppose that’s why junior hockey fans are very parental in their support of the team and its players. Now, as for the billet moms that like to get it on with their charges, that’s another story.

I have to admit, I was spending more time playing with my camera, than actually watching the game. So, the following is a spinoff of the 24-style entry you saw me post with my Ducks/Red Wings game last month. Enjoy my horrible photos, and make sure you play this song while you look at them!

Roll the credits…


Hey everybody! Come over here and see how young I look! In my 17 y/o disguise.


TSN on the jumbotron – the Kitchener Aud is ballin’!


Puck bunny sighting x3! The brunettes were having an overly animated “funny conversation” while whispering and glancing over to the ice – it was some fine comedy. The blonde was another story. She was getting burned big time during the warm up – ouch. Gotta give her credit, though, for having the guts to go and stand down there by herself.


Aww, I sang the anthem when I was little, too! This is the Our Lady of Lourdes elementary school choir. I went there for a dance in grade eight – a boy asked me to dance the last dance of the night…and it was the only time that ever happened in my entire grade school career *blushes.*


Mini-Richards. I don’t know if it’s the C, but he reminds me of Mike Richards from afar!


This is what jailbait looks like…MAMA LIKE!


Mini-Syvret…Danny’s little brother. The resemblance is unmistakable!


Mini-Comrie….we were convinced this guy must be related to Mike on account of the chin, but, so far, we can’t identify a relationship. BLAST! All that work trying to get a picture chin-side and everything!


Oooh!! #11 can grow facial hair!


Oooh!! So can #25! He (almost) looka like a man!


This is what jailbait looks like with a hat on!


Just some little girl posing in front of a TimBits hockey intermission WINK!


They changed Tex and made him younger!!! He has dark hair and no mustache now! The bastard snuck away (again) before I could get a clear shot! Back in the day he used to mess up my hair, which really pissed my friends off! “Don’t do that, she has to look GOOD right now!”


I wish Scottie were here.


Sounds like a Salt N Pepa song! Where can I find me a man like that?!


…And just when I thought I was going to have a nice Coyote-free evening…The End.

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Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

Top 10 Tuesday: Replay Edition.

I heard about this reality show called, Replay, which brings together the members of former sports teams to play a rematch of the pinnacle games of their careers. It’s a really cool idea for a show! I have often thought about the defining moments in my career as a hockey addict, and I can’t help but wonder what my life might have been like had certain things not happened, or had I not gone to certain games. So, for this week’s edition of Top 10 Tuesday, we look at the games/moments that eventually led to the birth of Psycho Lady Hockey, and my hockey adventures around the world. Whether you are thankful things happened the way they did, or you’re a hater, and wish I had stayed home on these days is up to you. Get ready! You are about to embark upon a lengthy walk down memory lane. Enjoy! Top Photo: My first REAL Coyotes game. Look you can see my shirt! Haha!

10. Team Canada vs. Team Finland (December 31, 2002)

ACK! What I wouldn’t have given to have had actual plans on New Year’s Eve that year. For the first and only time in my life, I was experiencing constant peer-pressure. Let’s not discuss what it was pressure over, but the IIHF World Junior Championship games turned out to be the only rare occasions that my, then, friends would let up on trying to get me hooked on their ideas of who I should become entangled with. Some of them had a crush on the captain of Team Canada. I was so overwhelmed at the time that I didn’t notice him, but my most vivid memory of that time period was of his picture being on TV, and my friends letting up on me for a few brief moments just so they could gush over him. I guess the picture was ingrained on my mind as a type of safe haven, even though I had no idea who this player was (apart from his name), or where he played during the regular season. For years, I never actively thought of him again, but, like I said, his image would be the first memory that would come to me the moment I thought of this traumatic experience. I never knew or cared about what became of this guy, but sure enough, our paths would cross again and again and again in my hockey history. Anyway, I watched that game twice that night, nervous as Hell, and not absorbing a thing apart from one commentator’s strange remark, “Ruutu hammers Tootoo; two to Ruutu!” Try saying that five times fast! Replay: If I had plans on this NYE, had I been out of town, or far, far away from where I was; things would be different. I wouldn’t have learned the cold hard truth about puck bunnies, and the value of friendships when hockey players are involved. As a result, I never would have written Down the Rabbit Hole, and I likely would not be as involved with studying the culture of the game as I am today.

9. Kitchener Rangers vs. Guelph Storm (March 28, 2002 – Game 4)

The funny thing was the Kitchener Rangers were swept in the first four games of the 2002 OHL Playoffs, but ended up taking the Memorial Cup in 2003. Earlier that season, I was introduced to OHL hockey, and started introducing my friends to it as well. By this final game of the 2001-2002 season, one of my friends decided to meet up with a girl she knew from one of her extra-curricular activities (and I mean that in the non-dirty sense). This girl, and her friends, went to high school with the team, and they were full blown pucks. One girl had a webpage, you remember those homestead accounts people used to have, on which she posted a picture of every player she had relations with and what she did with them. Unlike the rumours people started about my site, this chick actually posted this stuff (and only this stuff) on hers. Anyway, these girls were in the habit of waiting for the players after the games, and they introduced my friends to this ritual. I remember how awkward I felt standing there. I never understood what they were after. They didn’t want autographs. They didn’t want pictures. They just wanted to be seen. I stood there pressed up against the concrete wall, looking down at my running shoes, and praying that the next thing out of someone’s mouth was, “OK! Let’s get out of here.” That offseason, I moved to Toronto to finish high school, and left my former hockey buddies behind to mingle with the likes of the locker room lurkers. On the weekends, when I started coming home again, I was horrified to learn that my friends had grown closer with the type of girls discussed above, and that they were now in the habit of waiting after every game. I remember fiddling with my keys, trying not to make eye contact, yet somehow some of these guys ended up with my phone number and email address. Replay: Had we decided not to go to this 2002 playoff game, my friends would have likely lost interest in the Rangers after my relocation to Majors territory. But since this didn’t happen, this behaviour eventually led to my very traumatic, and life defining experience during the 2003 WJC tourney the following season.

8. St. Michael’s Majors vs. Kitchener Rangers (February 10, 2002)

Of course, I already knew all about the Ontario Hockey League when I was a kid. I even sang the national anthem with my choir at one of the games back in grade school. However, it was my uncle who took me to my first REAL junior hockey game. I was really obsessed with the Leafs and never missed a game. This was before the horrid LeafsTV era. My uncle decided to introduce me to the O because he thought I would probably love it just as much. I did love it. I loved sitting so close to the ice and being able to get a sense of the size of the players and the quickness of the game. I never sat closer than the second last row of the upper bowl at the Air Canada Centre or Maple Leaf Gardens. Replay: Sometimes I wonder had the Rangers not been the team visiting St. Michael’s College School Arena, if I would have sought out the team when I was back home in Kitchener with my fellow Catholic school girl friends.

7. Employment with Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment Ltd. (2005-2006 Season)

Leafs fans have been put through a lot like, a repeating history of horribleness, and a total scarcity of game tickets. That being said, they are loyal as Hell. The Leafs were my homeboys. They could do no wrong in my eyes, until the fateful day I accepted employment in an MLSE front office. After my dream job turned into a nightmare, I couldn’t stand the sight of the Leafs or any MLSE team. Thank goodness, the Rock and the Jays are independent of MLSE! Replay: Had I not gotten the job with MLSE, I know things would be different. To this day, I would still be a die-hard Leafs fan, albeit a sad one. I would have likely never began my NHL road adventures, and I’m sure I would have been more than content being a hometown, blue jersey wearing, Labatt drinking hockey fan. I would have never seen the things that I’ve seen, met the people I’ve met, or had the adventures I’ve had. Had I not taken this job, maybe I’d have all the things that a life on the road has prevented me from having. Maybe I’d have a boyfriend. Maybe I’d be married…with kids? Eek. This one really makes me wonder about how normal my life could have been.

6. Grand Rapids Griffins vs. Milwaukee Admirals (January 29, 2005)

The NHL Lock Out was a difficult time for all hockey fans. I decided to seek out the AHL as a substitute for my beloved Leafs. One night, my friend and I discussed wanting to go on a road trip. Neither of us cared where we went, so I nominated an AHL city because, being a Leafs fan, supporting the Hamilton Bulldogs seemed wrong. I nominated the Milwaukee Admirals on the grounds that they were the defending champs. I didn’t know much else about the team at the time, but after my first game at the Bradley Center on January 20th, 2005, I was hooked. We saw two games in Milwaukee, but on the way back to Toronto, fate intervened. Not paying attention to the road, we found ourselves on the I-96 headed toward Grand Rapids. It was at that moment that we realized how close some of the other AHL teams were to Toronto, and decided to see the Ads play there the following weekend. Replay: Had I not been so into the music, and noticed the off ramp in the left lane, I doubt I would have gone to another Milwaukee game every again. This would have stopped the wanderlust, which eventually turned into Psycho Lady Hockey, from developing.

5. Colorado Avalanche vs. Phoenix Coyotes (November 4, 2009)

This was the game that killed my feelings for the Phoenix Coyotes for good. When I visited the Pepsi Center for the first time, I realized that I couldn’t go home again. The Coyotes were all I knew. As much as I was starting to despise them, they were comfortable. After this game, I was very disillusioned about the Arizona Prophecy and fate in general. I guess, in time, I’ll learn about what the point of this Coyotes misadventure was, but for now it’s a mystery. Replay: What would have happened if I didn’t book this doomed vacation? Would I still be a Phoenix fan? Or was it only a matter of time before everything fell apart at the seams?

4. Buffalo Sabres vs. Philadelphia Flyers (February 20, 2007)

After my employment with MLSE, I was at a loss for a team for a couple of months. I had an idea to check out a game in Buffalo, as that was the closest NHL team to Toronto, so it made the most sense for me. They were going to be playing the Philadelphia Flyers on the night in question. I kept asking my friends if they wanted to go, but I was getting denied at every turn. Finally, I had given up on the idea, and just decided to be content with my hockey-less life. One day, the day my scouted Sabres tickets were set to expire on ebay, my, soon to be, hockey partner in crime sought me out. That night we won the tickets, and as it would turn out, they were a couple rows behind the Flyers bench. Instead of becoming a Sabres fan, my friend and I became fast Flyers fans, and scheduled our first trip to Philadelphia for less than two weeks later. Replay: Had my now friend (we had only met twice before that) not contacted me for that game, I never would have become a Flyers fans. I never would have had some of the best, and my most cherished, hockey years of my life with some of the craziest fans in the league. I also wonder if the Arizona Prophecy would have found me if I wasn’t wearing a sparkly black and orange target on my chest.

3. Toronto Maple Leafs vs. Hartford Whalers (1994ish)

My uncle decided I was old enough for my first NHL game at the Gardens. I was too lazy to look up the actual date of this game – sorry. At that time, my game experience was limited to Jays games at the SkyDome. I’d only ever see the one game at Maple Leaf Gardens, but the experience had a lasting effect on me and was, obviously, a defining moment in my hockey history. Replay: Had my uncle decided to take his friend to this game instead, I wonder if hockey would have been the thing I turned to in my teen years to keep me sane and stave off adolescent anxiety. I think it’s likely that I would have never found hockey on my own, if it wasn’t for my uncle’s influence in the sports department. It really makes me wonder what kind of life I could have had if I was completely untouched by the fastest sport on ice.

2. Boston Bruins vs. Philadelphia Flyers (March 3, 2009)

I wasn’t supposed to go to this game in Boston. Early on in the second half of the season, I had limited myself to only going to the Flyers game in Boston on February 7th. However, the trip went amiss, and I decided to give Boston another go. For some reason, Boston had always seemed very significant to me in terms of the Prophecy. Replay: Of course, I was thrust into my unexpected mystical six game road trip the day after this game. I wonder if I hadn’t been in Boston at the time, if I would have bothered to follow the predictions and switch teams to Phoenix as thoughtlessly as I had. I think it is more likely that I would have finished off the season with Philadelphia, and may or may not have reassessed things over the offseason.

1. Boston Bruins vs. Phoenix Coyotes (March 5, 2009)

Seeing that I was still in Boston on March 4th, I felt the call to the Arizona Prophecy after I received word that one of the predictions had fallen into place. I was supposed to be getting on a plane to Buffalo, and heading back home to Toronto. I was at a literal crossroads and I didn’t like the sane option. If Phoenix was the path I was supposed to go on, then I wanted to be able to either confirm or rule the Prophecy out by my own efforts – see (or not see) with my own eyes. It was the most romantic thing I ever did, the only strange thing about it was that I didn’t know who the guy was that I was running to. Replay: The safe bet would have been to get on that plane, but instead I ended up running out of Logan International and back downtown Boston. If I hadn’t received that text message, and got on that plane as scheduled, MAYBE I would have gone to the Coyotes game in Buffalo on the 6th, but I think it was likelier that I would have talked myself out of believing the psychics and searching for the possible man of my dreams. Maybe I would have been responsible and gone to class, instead of embarking upon a “money is no object” trip to find my destiny. I don’t know if there is something to the Arizona Prophecy, as far as I know I found nothing in the desert but heartache. Who knows what the point of all of this was, all I can say is that if I was a little more sane and a little less impulsive, I would have been a lot happier for the last nine months of my life. Oh well, at least I have the story to tell.

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