-->

Tag: Dick pics

Monday, January 2nd, 2012

The AHL Comeback: Photo blunders abound with the Toronto Marlies.

Toronto, ON It seems like a million years ago, but this Psycho Lady made her first foray into the American Hockey League, as I’m sure many others did, during the 2004-05 NHL Lockout that devastated hockey addicts near and far. Back then the Toronto Marlies didn’t exist. The Leafs’ farm team was flourishing in St. John’s, Newfoundland, and were an integral part of the community out there.

Although the NHL Lockout was an amazing year for AHL hockey, I can only imagine that the spectacular season, loaded with NHL talent, was bittersweet for St. John’s superfans, as they knew going in that it was the end of the line for their beloved Baby Leafs. For ravenous hockey fans such as I, however, the news that Toronto would once again have an AHL team was a time of celebration. I didn’t even have to think twice about putting down a deposit on season tickets when I was approached by a fresh faced sales person just before the gates opened for a special St. John’s Maple Leafs vs. Hamilton Bulldogs extravaganza at the Air Canada Centre.

Fast track to life after the big move from Newfoundland, and Toronto hockey fans would be put under the microscope for failing to embrace the Marlies as they had been embraced in St. John’s. “Toronto isn’t a hockey town, it’s a Leafs town.” I for one find such statements offensive. Just because the average Joe isn’t willing to blow an ungodly amount of money on “the next best thing” doesn’t have anything to do with whether he is a hockey fan or not. And I know from experience that most of you AHL fans out there are not paying nearly $50 a pop to sit in the first 8 rows of your favourite minor league rink. I also don’t think I need to remind you that, especially in Toronto, most hockey fans have never actually been to a live game.

Anyway… my rant has taken me off course a bit, so I will just say that I’m beside myself with glee that AHL hockey has once again been restore to St. John’s, and I feel very fortunate to have been able to see the new club play while on my brief hockey vacation from Japan these past few days. The game between Old St. John’s and New St. John’s did not disappoint. Those last few minutes of the game were especially epic. There was one problem, however, and that was my camera. As you can see from my standard game day shot, we struggled to get the camera to focus. All pictures came out blurry or dark, and unlike SOME people I don’t tend to purposely try to overexpose my pictures like I have something to hide… ahem, so I basically just gave up on the photo thing. There must have been something weird about the lighting in Ricoh Coliseum that didn’t agree with my cheap ass camera.

Luckily, my friend had a camera on his phone (I don’t have a North American phone currently), so we were able to get some workable photos at the expense of Mr. Photo Happy himself, Mike Zigomanis. I have to use this opportunity to make another comment on that whole dick pic scandal once again. OK first of all it’s pretty sad that major Toronto media is even covering this story to begin with, but it’s even sadder that it has taken them MONTHS to actually catch up to it at all. That being said, the bullshit statements they release on the matter actually blow my mind.

“Of course the pictures aren’t of him. He’d obviously own up to it if they were because that’s the kind of guy he is.” Uhhh… really?! I don’t care if you’re Jim Carrey in Liar Liar. No one would “own up” to leaked naked photos of themselves if their face wasn’t in the pictures to begin with. Come on. I mean Jiri Tlusty didn’t really have a choice as his mug was in those pictures, but even so, I’m surprised he didn’t make more of an effort to try to make a case for photoshopping. Of course Zigomanis is going to deny those photos, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t photos of him.

Once again, I obviously can’t comment one way or the other, or confirm the allegations for either side of this “are they or aren’t they?” debate, but I can leave you with some food for thought. Like I said in my original write up on the topic, I can’t imagine who these girls are that are malicious enough to actually try to embarrass someone like this. But it is that very malicious intention that makes the strongest argument in support of the authenticity of those photos. I think that if someone was mean enough to want to post naked pictures of someone online, then they are obviously doing it with the intention of embarrassing their victim. So, that can only work in two ways. 1) They actually had naked photos of the person, and simply uploaded them to a website, or 2) they didn’t have naked photos of the person, so they went and found the most embarrassing random photos (read: small penis pictures) out there, and uploaded them to a website under the name of the victim. And, well, ladies and gentlemen, have you SEEN the Zigomanis dick pics??!?! There’s nothing embarrassing about those, eh, girls? Therefore, if you want my opinion, that can only mean ONE thing… ;) Quick! Someone give this guy my phone number!! ;) ;) ;)

Tags: , , , ,

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

The Art of the Hockey Dick Pic

Gentlemen take polaroids…

Somewhere on the Eastern shore of Japan It is by pure coincidence that Psycho Bambi, in her infinite bitchdom, made an unprovoked rant on poor Mike Zigomanis a few weeks ago, wherein she spewed, ‘Besides, who knows what diseases come along with a guy that basically walks around with his dick out, while asking the world, “Who’s hungry?” Gross.’ Who knew that “walking around with his dick out” was something Mr. Zigomanis was actually quite fond of doing?! I know I sure didn’t…

Hockey fans in Toronto and all over the internet were given an extra fright on the days leading up to Halloween when dick pics allegedly belonging to Mike Zigomanis surfaced online. I say allegedly because, as you can see, his face is conveniently [Psycho Bambi: and thankfully!!!] absent from the photos, but if you want my *uninformed* opinion, those effeminate yoga pants are very incriminating. Sadly, or rather, hilariously, this is the second incident in recent years that Toronto hockey fans were overexposed to some of the Leafs’ part time players. Poor things. I’m sure your eyesight was still recovering from the Jiri Tlusty incident before the Zigomanis penis likely made you blind for life.

Anyway, before I actually comment on the hockey species’ apparent love for taking disturbing iPhone photos of their mini sticks/stripper poles, I would just like to ask the world who these total bitch-whores are that leak these photos in the first place?! Seriously, how mean are you? I mean, I am a TOTAL CUNT with a mean streak longer than 50 Zigomanis penises. But that being said, even I can’t imagine fucking someone over this badly. Besides, who is dumb enough to upload a private picture when that person will know exactly that you were the recipient, and, therefore, the culprit? In theory, of course. After all, some guys probably have a standard go-to shot that they send to all of their prospective lays.

Back to the hockey players. Guys, what’s wrong with you? Perhaps the fact that you haven’t made the TSN highlight reel in, well, ever, or that you didn’t get your name in the paper for the GWG you definitely didn‘t score has made you forget that you are still a member of a professional hockey organization, and that your risque behaviour reflects badly on your employer and teammates. So, get your head, or rather camera, out of your ass! Next time you get that familiar urge to give an unsuspecting puck bunny a peepshow she won’t soon forget, ask yourselves these questions:

1) Am I still (or ever have been) a member of a multimillion dollar hockey organization?

2) Did I just meet the puck bunny I’m about to flash, and do I barely know her?

3) Am I planning to fuck over the puck bunny I’m attempting to lure with my candid cock shot by either using and abusing, and/or fucking and chucking her?

4) Will I be embarrassed or on thin ice if my mother or wife/girlfriend was to discover this picture?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, then step away from the camera for the love of God! It’s not rocket surgery!

In the case of Mike Zigomanis, I have to wonder, given his Tweet feed, if he actually leaked his own dick pics as an attempt to get laid. You have to admit, it kind of fits. I guess the world will never know. Now, as for the rest of you camera loving hockey players out there, remember these wise words the next time Mr. Happy is ready for his close up:

If you have to resort to taking a picture of your penis in order to get a date, then obviously you ain’t all that above the waist, and, more importantly, on the ice.

There. That should make Mr. Happy one sad panda.

Tags: , ,

    • Psycho Lady: That does sound good! And Nashville is definitely ...
    • Sinbin: Girl, I've been there and back, so trust me, I kno...
    • Psycho Lady: It only counts if I've been there for a game. If i...
    • T: You should try and hit the last 4 arenas to see a ...
    • Jim: Well this is interesting, guess you have to do wha...

    Powered by WordPress

    Blossom Theme by RoseCityGardens.com