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Tag: colorado

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

Colorado (Day 2): Game Day #1 Road Kill@Avs – The secret of my little black book.

Dear Baby,
Welcome to Dumpsville!
Population:
You.

So, before I get into my venomous rant about the Coyotes, my now OFFICIAL ex-boyfriend team, I figure you might be curious about some of the strange things that happened during my second visit at the Stanley Hotel. The drive back to Estes Park was more enjoyable this time around because I FINALLY discovered a decent radio station. The DJs sold me on it when they made a South Park reference after playing The Cure’s Love Song. At least the music was good. I’m pretty sure there was air in the brake line of my rental car. Fabulous.

I was warned not to “freak out” my guide the night before, so I kept my mouth shut until the end of the tour. A few strange things happened. For example, we were on what was known to be a children’s floor, and we were told to hold out our hands while we sang a children’s song. The guide said that the children were known to be attracted to individuals who work with children or have children around them, and sometimes touch them when he performs this experiment. Well no one spoke up about anything happening to them afterwards, so I decided not to say anything as well. There were a lot of skeptics in the room anyway. But, sure enough, while we were singing, something grabbed onto my thumb so tight that it actually started to hurt. For the record, I do have a history working with children. I spent some time in university as my cousins’ nanny.

The story I’m sure that you’re all waiting to hear is the story about the painting that kept trying to grab my attention the first night. On that first night, there was another encounter that didn’t seem so exciting at the time so I didn’t bother to mention it on the blog. While we were standing on the landing of a double staircase, I kept getting drawn to one specific side. I mentioned this to the guy who was showing me around, and I have to commend him for keeping his mouth shut after I made this apparently quite massive revelation. All he responded with was, “If you ask me, I’m sure there is something going on here.”

This time around I learned the story of the painting. The man in the painting was Lord Dunraven, a notorious womanizer and scumbag extraordinaire. He had a thing for kleptomania, and also ran a brothel in town. He was apparently always on the lookout for new talent. When the guide took us to the landing he warned the group about going up one side of the double staircase. Yes, the same side of the stairs that I was drawn to the night before. Apparently, people have reported being kicked in the leg while going up the stairs, while others have seen the guilty apparition with their own eyes. And who do you think that guilty party was? None other than Lord Dunraven. After the tour, my new guide and I theorized that Lord Dunraven must have had a bit of a thing for me (or thought I’d be a good “employee”), so he decided to follow me around the night before. Freaky, no?

Now back to the Pepsi Center. I had planned my trip to see the Coyotes play in Denver in August, which is my own fault for disregarding my own personal limitations that I laid out over the summer. I planned to take this season game by game with the Coyotes. I figured they were only going to get more annoying as the 09-10 season dragged on, so I wanted to have the freedom to turn away at any given time. Of course, when the schedule was released, I was so excited that I started planning out a bunch of games, and locked myself in for more mindless bullshit than I could handle.

You see, the reason I hate the Coyotes is because they’re a bunch of little bitches. They remind me of that scrawny little asshole on the playground at school that would rather go run and tell the teacher on recess duty that the big kids didn’t want to play with him, than try to speak up and make a case for himself. That’s the Coyotes. They cause unwarranted drama wherever they go because they don’t like not getting what they want. They lose the girl, they cry, they have to lie and spin it around so it looks like the girl lost them. A bunch of talentless, gutless children.

Wow…they’re winning now. Does anyone care? The Coyotes kill the atmosphere in every rink they go to including their own. We all know that Phoenix fans are few and far between, turning up at Jobing.com Arena in numbers rivaling that of an AVERAGE Ontario Hockey League match up, but when rabid hockey fans in places like Boston, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, and everywhere else can’t be bothered to support their team on nights that the desert dogs come to town, then that should be something that actually merits a “flag” from the NHL. All I can say is that I’ve never been happier that Jim Balsillie lost the Coyotes as much as I am right now. I might have actually died of boredom if the team was nestled 35 minutes from my house.

Where does my little black book fit in? Well, a year and a half ago I met a producer who was interested in working with me on a show loosely based on Down the Rabbit Hole. The show was put on the back burner because he had his hands full with a current show that has now been signed on to multiple seasons. The show was basically going to be written by me, so he told me to conduct some form of research while I went on my hockey adventures. Enter the little black book.

Like any good writer, I began with character development. I had written up the blueprints for six prominent female characters, and five prominent males. Of course, I needed inspiration for some of these characters, and there was only one hockey player that came to mind as the leading man in my television universe. For five years, my friends and I have been greatly entertained by the obsessive behavior of one specific mediocre NHL player. I’m not trying to “flatter” myself, but hockey players are easily distracted. All you have to do is exist and they peacock around you like their salaries depend on it.

Anyway, this particular player was far worse than the others. He has been doing some of the craziest, unprofessional, on-ice stunts that I have ever seen. Anyone who came to a game with me was so entertained by him that by the time the buzzer sounded to end the third, they were already browsing Ticketmaster to see when they could go to a game with me again. While the constant gazing, stick tapping, business time eyebrow raising, etc had its amusing moments, it was also quite infuriating. For starters, I could never understand why the guy bothered to try so hard in the first place…and for five years. What was the motive? Did he think that if he skated over to me before a face off, that I’d jump the glass and rip his clothes off? What was the point of making sure I acknowledged his goal? Yes, unlike you, I’m actually watching the game. I can see that you scored. Maybe he thought that warranted some type of physical reward. I could go on and on with better and more outrageous examples, but the most irritating thing of all was having to waste large portions of every game trying to convince spectators sitting around me that this guy was not married to me. This hockey player was cock blocking me from the ice!

Since the start of the 08-09 season until now, I was carefully jotting down amusing fan and player behavior, but with the greatest focus going to the mating strategies of the aforementioned player. Yes, I have pages and pages of the most hilarious shit. HA! HAHAHAHAHA! Bet you didn’t realize that’s what I was writing down all this time. Not to mention the years of vivid memories prior to the last fourteen months of hockey.

So, what’s the point of this big secret? Well, a few months ago my producer friend was reading my blog, and said it was in good shape to make adapting a TV series quite simple. So, I’m going to make it even easier, and I have decided to go forward and write out my vision for season one and test drive it on Psycho Lady Hockey. Don’t expect it anytime soon; probably early 2010 is more realistic, as I will have to write out every episode first. That way, if we do go forward with the TV show it will be based solely on the blog! Anyway, since Psycho Lady Hockey will be moving in this direction, I have decided to introduce a new feature to all my road entries. I have this natural habit of associating music with my stories. I did this a little bit in the 2008-2009 Yearbook, so I’m going to do that again and “roll the credits” at the end of every entry. This means that this would be the song that ran while the credits played out if every post was an individual episode. So, for the first time ever…

Roll the credits…

(I’m aware the song cuts out, it was the best I could do! You get the point.)

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Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

Colorado (Day 1): [Insert clever title here]

I thought I’d be smarter about things this time around, and I made a special trip to 7-Eleven on my way to Buffalo to acquire an energy drink – so I wouldn’t pass out again like I did in New York. I was on the hunt for the rumoured purple Rockstar that my friend claimed now existed in Canada. I had mixed feelings when I discovered that she was right. On the one hand, I was excited because the guava flavoured Rockstar is my favourite one of all, but, on the other hand, now my road trip missions to smuggle as many across the border whenever I go to a hockey game (by land) was obsolete. I used to have so much fun scouring the States looking for convenience stores and gas stations that had a hefty supply, and then completely buying them out. I guess those days are gone.

The Canadian purple Rockstar tasted off to me, which completely validates my suspicion that there must be something in the American version that didn’t comply with our Nutrition board. The American version has a slight detergent-y undertone to it, which, for some reason, I enjoyed. Anyway, after consuming the drink I was both wired and jittery when I approached the bridge to cross into the States. My border experience this time around was not as pleasant as last week.

When I pulled up to the window, there was a chick standing there. Great. Not that I’m against female border guards or cops, I think it would be fun to be a border guard personally, but they are ALWAYS the worst (on both sides of the border). I remember I once had a Canadian female border guard giving me shit because my eyes were “glassy.” Umm, it’s 1 AM and I’ve been traveling from Boston for eight hours, why do YOU think they are “glassy?” Anyway, once I revealed my “hockey games” card to her, I sat back and waited to see how she was going to handle her game. As anticipated, she had to be the “tough” woman who is fighting way too hard to be “taken seriously.” Sound like anyone we know? She selected the three year old approach to our song and dance, which means that, no matter what I said to her, her answer would be, “WHY!?” Well, I knew where this was going; been down that road more than a few times now, and quite frankly I didn’t have the time to waste with her questions, if I was just going to have to do it all again. Basically, I laid the attitude on thick in an attempt to have her speed up her inevitable decision to send me for further inspection.

Once in the inspections building, the man working the counter basically sat there chatting about hockey and reading Psycho Lady Hockey, and laughing, or exclaiming, “Wow, this is neat” periodically. The guy who was searching my car finally came in trying to play the asshole. He found “suspicious” materials in my car. Do you know what it was? A copy of Down the Rabbit Hole: A Guide to Puck Bunnies! NO LIE! But the guy working inside would have none of this assholery, and in the most polite way possible, told the other guy to fuck off essentially. Anyway, the guy was nice enough to write up a file including my website, book, and hockey gaming endeavours in the computer in an attempt to help me out in the future, should the border guard not already be familiar with my work, that is. He also gave me an official “Visitor on Business” stamp in my passport – oh no! Psycho Lady Hockey is being legitimized by the US government; whatever will all the self-proclaimed “intelligent” female hockey bloggers do now?

When I was finally back on the road I had very little time to catch my flight. I was speeding like a bat out of Hell, all the while rehearsing what I would say to the police officer if I got pulled over. “Please, mister, my flight is boarding in ten minutes…” Luckily, it never came to that. I had no time to be protective of Lynxie this time around either. He had his first sleepover last week, and I am confident he’ll be OK again (I hope). I just locked him up, and sprinted all the way to the terminal. I had two minutes to spare by the time I arrived at my gate. Phew.

On the plane to Colorado I was having a bit of a life crisis. If the border guards are good for anything, it’s making you feel like you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing. They like to judge you on things they feel you shouldn’t possess based on the level of income they’ve assigned to you on superficial grounds. For some reason they are very suspicious of my car, and think that I probably can’t afford it or to do what I’m doing. These things always make me feel like maybe they are right. Maybe I’m ruining my life following my bliss. I started to think about my job interviews because of this, freaking out that maybe I’m screwing myself over because I’m not going to get the job(s).

I tried to relax, and Reiki out all the jitters. I resolved to stop thinking the worst about the job front, and that I would check my business emails as soon as I checked into my hotel, and see if there was anything good (or bad) waiting for me. Once checked in, I did just that, and the email from that employer was sitting in the inbox like I suspected it would be. The news wasn’t bad, and the job in Kamloops, British Columbia was mine. This doesn’t mean that I’ll be packing it in and heading to British Columbia right away. Now, it’s a bit of a waiting game until they summon me to the post, and likely I’ll be sent to Ottawa for a few weeks first! If the waiting game takes too long, however, then, out of necessity, I may have to take a different job. So, don’t ASSUME I’m moving to the Western Conference full time just yet!

My waiter at lunch was recommending places for me to go while I’m here. He started off by saying, “Do you know the movie The Shining?” Well, I knew where he was going with that, so I said, “Yeah, I wanted to stay at the Stanley Hotel, but I thought it was too far to commute for the game.” Anyway, he told me I should still check it out, so after a brief nap, I made the hour long trek up to Estes Park, and I have to say that the drive through the mountains at sundown was awe inspiring.

By the time I got to Estes Park, it was dusk. Everything was dark, but you could tell it was a beautiful place. The Stanley Hotel loomed on top of a hill glowing from the strands of white lights that framed its edges, and a field worth of pumpkins lined the stairway to the main entrance. I knew that the ghost tours were over for the day, but I just wanted to wander around a bit. After I did the main level, I went down to the basement where the gift shop was and where the tour meets. They had a really cute mug that said “REDRUM” on it, so I had to buy it because apparently I have a cute mug collection now.

I went into the tour room and announced to one of the guides that I bought the mug, and he responded with, “Now you finally have a STANLEY CUP!” hahaha. My response was, “Yeah, living in Toronto this is probably the closest thing we’re ever going to see in our lifetime.” Anyway, we started chatting informally about ghosts, past experiences, demons, exorcisms, all kinds of interesting stuff. He declared that I must be an “empath,” someone whose intuition is based mostly on emotional reactions. I’ve always been somewhat aware of this. That is actually what alarmed me about my emotions at the Blues game last week. I didn’t really get the impression that I was the one who was actually sad, more that something was coming at me from somewhere else in the building. I’m not actually an overly emotional person by my own right. Anyway, he wanted to give me a bit a of brief, informal, off-the-record (which I think I accidentally blurted part of it out at the front desk while I was leaving –eek! My bad!) tour because he wanted to see the kind of response I’d get in certain hot spots.

I wasn’t in top physical form, though, and I was always aware that anything I might be feeling might just be the result of altitude. I told him if my heart raced, or if I felt anxious, or if my head felt cloudy, but again, any of those could be the result of the altitude and too much caffeine. The only place where I definitely felt something (non-altitude related) was in the vortex – the portal in the house which has acted as the gateway to the other side. Standing there I began sweating all over, which is typically the reaction you get when something is sucking your energy out of you. A few more moments there, and I probably would have fainted.

Back downstairs, I finally said, “OK I don’t know if this is anything, but I feel like I have to tell you that from the moment I arrived at the hotel, that painting right there has been trying to grab my attention.” He responds with, “That painting there? Interesting. Well, I’m not going to ruin your official tour tomorrow by telling you the story of that one. You’ll have to wait and see.” Anyway, I signed up for the tour and left for the night, and the strange thing was, the pressure on my head (a usual sign of paranormal activity), which I chalked up to possible altitude, lifted as soon as I left the building, so, I guess it was caused by all the ghosties after all.

Anyway, I’m actually on my way back up to the Stanley Hotel for my tour right now before I go to the Avs game tonight. So, very briefly, I want to thank the several people who sent me emails of apology and/or support over the rumours started a couple weeks ago. I was truly touched that these people felt the need to “make it right.” So, I will say publicly, what I said to all of them, in case there are others feeling the same way. I don’t judge you, and I am not offended that you believed what was presented to you as truth. It is not your fault, and I may have done the same thing if I were in your position. Thank you again; your support is appreciated.

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