I live to make good time. If I haven’t shaved at least an hour off of the MapQuest projected drive time, I am shamed until my next adventure. On my most recent trip to Philadelphia earlier this month, I was trying to make up for time that I lost in the blizzard that had hit Toronto on my way out. I almost died several times that morning. I’ve been in some bad storms before, but I’ve never experienced having my windshield encased in slush from the opposing lanes on the highway. At least you can see through snow! You can’t see through thick grey slush. I’m surprised I didn’t end up taking my car (Lupie) into the cement barriers.
I was somewhere around Rochester, NY speeding down the I-90. The snow had let up around Niagara Falls, but there was a constant rain the remainder of the way. I noticed the police car alright, and I thought I had slowed down in time, but I guess not. He played that awful pretend-you’re-not-following game with me. I hate that game. I was getting my groove on to Erasure (that’s right and shut up, I’ve heard them being played at HSBC Arena!) hoping that he’d leave me alone, but then those damn lights came on – mother fuck! (By the way, for any Americans that may be offended by my gratuitous use of the f-bomb, I’m Canadian, it’s a natural habit).
Then he played that I’m-going-to-take-my-time-getting-out-of –the-car-so-you’ll-be-even-later game. I hate that game too. This one was actually worth the wait, though – he was CUTE! How often does that happen in Toronto – uh, never, it’s Toronto woof woof. Apparently, I was doing 85 in a 65 (oopsies). People keep asking me if I was flirting with him, and I swear that I wasn’t. I’m pretty hopeless with that mating game stuff. I think because he was so cute, I didn’t instinctively turn into a snarling bitch. That tends to help in these situations so I’ve heard.
Anyway, he went back to his cruiser to make sure I checked out and whatever else it is they do. I started to beat myself up over the destiny of the trip. I had discovered an unpleasant truth a couple days before I was set to leave and I didn’t want to go anymore. Then there was the blizzard, and now I was getting pulled over, and quite possibly a HUGE fine. It was all too familiar.
Exactly three years before, I was dealing with what would be forever known as the Curse of Grand Rapids. Essentially, every time I went to a game in GR something bad would happen automotive wise. Once, we were involved in a collision – some asshole not paying attention to where he was going. Another time, we hit black ice and were thrown from the road at two o’clock in the morning. We’ve had TWO accounts of flat tires, and I was pulled over a grand total of THREE times! Needless to say, I stopped going to Grand Rapids.
Now I was upset that my Philadelphia days were coming to an end, but the hot cop returned with a present. Instead of giving me a massive speeding ticket, he gave me what he described as a “parking ticket” for having Philadelphia Flyers fuzzy dice hanging from my rear view mirror. Apparently those are illegal. I often refer to them as “devil dice.” Sometimes, in my travels, I find myself in places I’m not supposed to be, and the dice “give the car away” so to speak. I have tried several times to take them down, but they’re stuck on my mirror. This time, the dice proved to be valuable. If I didn’t have them, Officer Hotterson would have probably given me a real ticket. Who knew? Anyway, he then told me not to bother taking them down – and I didn’t. True story.
My trip to Philly wasn’t cursed, it was actually my favourite trip to date. However, I do still question my future with Philly, but I’ll take that one game at a time. A suspicious thing happened to me while I was there. On my fourth night in town, the Leafs were playing the Flyers, and something deep down inside me wanted to cheer them on. Yikes. I managed to shake the feeling…for now.
On my way home, I am proud to say that I made the trip in seven hours, MapQuest time: eight and a half. Regardless of the win, I’m taking a plane to my next destination, Boston, in ten days. That way, if there is a new curse, at least this time it will be news worthy!
