Group One

#1 amorousrocker
Site: http://amorouschick.blogspot.com/
Stats: The Presidents’ Trophy of Hockey Hotties was awarded to amorousrocker, an edgy hockey fan who has a unique voice in the blogosphere and a foul mouth to match, in a landslide vote. Love it! In what may be the biggest upset on the board in this first round, however, amorousrocker is trailing significantly to West Coast Leafs fan, Lauren_Belfoy!

#16 Lauren_Belfoy
Site: None
Stats: Many have predicted that Ms. Belfoy has this competition in the bag, and the first round is providing no evidence to the contrary. Lauren has been a featured blogger on NHL.com and, as one poster commented, she’s been quoted in the Wall Street Journal!

Group Two

#2 hulahoney
Site: http://tikibartv.ning.com/profile/hulahoney
Stats: In the two spot, we have hulahoney, another fan favourite who is going up against our fun loving blonde, Psycho_Bambi. These two are neck and neck in the polls, but I have a feeling beach babe, hula, will come out ahead in this one. Sorry, Bams.

#15 Psycho_Bambi
Site: You’re already here!
Stats: Representing the Psychotic Trio, as the Twitter community has dubbed us, Psycho_Bambi just barely squeezed herself into the playoffs. A lot of people assumed that big boobs were swaying the voters over hockey smarts/passion, but Bambi, who boasts an E cup bra, is currently trailing to hulahoney. There is still time for you to get your vote in for our girl (click here)! Mother Pucker Hockey’s first round of voting closes at Midnight MST!

Group Three

#3 alexgervasi
Site: None.
Stats: It’s easy to see how a Flyers fan would make it into the Top 3 in round one! Apart from being pretty and a member of one the craziest hockey communities in the NHL, alexgervasi is also in school to be a sports broadcaster!

#14 Tara_McCool
Site: None.
Stats: Unfortunately, for alexgervasi, she was matched up with real life sports broadcaster, Tara_McCool of Flames PPV in this first round battle of the blonde communications majors. Underdog, McCool, is currently dominating on the score sheet!

Group Four

#4 shaleshay
Site: http://www.shesallaboutsports.com/
Stats: Brunette, shaleshay, loves all sports, and has a similar personal philosophy as I do! She writes, “I base my work schedule around the NHL,” and you all know that this is a quality that we are very fond of here at Psycho Lady Hockey. She’s got my vote!

#13 alex_ruiz
Site: None.
Stats: Another broadcasting heavyweight, alex_ruiz, is well on her way to knocking shaleshay out of second round contention. Alex, of The Score Television Network fame, is also a favourite in the Twitter community. I see her using her TV and social media star power to take her to the finals in this tournament.

Group Five

#5 Phanatical
Site: None.
Stats: Phanatical is another Philly girl who has made it on to this list, so she’s got my vote based on that alone. She also seems to have a love of Hockey Canada, which is always great to see among fans in the States.

#12 ginevramicol
Site: None
Stats: In the underdog position of this battle, self-proclaimed, BAMF, ginevramicol, has left Phanatical behind to eat her dust. This shouldn’t really be a surprise, though. Ginevramicol has the support of her fellow crazy Blackhawks fans behind her. The Madhouse has definitely spoken in this round!

Group Six

#6 ilikebs
Site: http://www.bethalynstaples.com/
Stats: SoCal beauty, ilikebs, had an overwhelming amount of support from Mother Pucker readers in the round robin. However, her support seems to have disappeared in the playoffs, and she is currently trailing by a landslide to 4LeafCloverGirl. Come on, Pacific Division, get in here!

#11 4LeafCloverGirl
Site: http://www.bridgetmcguiresfillingstation
-blogspot.com/
Stats: As mentioned above, the blondie from St. Louis, 4LeafCloverGirl, has taken a commanding lead over sixth seed, ilikebs. I’m confident that 4LeafCloverGirl is secure in her current position, and can easily coast into the second round. However, anything can happen like in that Coyotes game that Bambi went to in Detroit last month!

Group Seven

#7 Blonde_Penguin
Site: None.
Stats: Blonde_Penguin is in a league of her own, and I think this fact will be enough to take her to the finals in an epic showdown against alex_ruiz. I think she will have some trouble against Lauren_Belfoy in the next round (assuming our Bambi pulls through), but if she prevails, I think she’ll be on easy street in the third.

#10 SarahPsyDeal (photo unavailable)
Site: Unknown
Stats: West coaster, SarahPsyDeal, had the misfortune of being pinned against Blonde_Penguin in the first round. All I can say to her is, “I’m sorry.”

Group Eight

#8 RangersGal
Site: None
Stats: The battle between eighth and ninth places is just as tight as the battle of the blondes with Psycho_Bambi and hulahoney. This one could go either way, and I’m excited to see who is going to come out on top!

#9 mandach
Site: None.
Stats: As of right now, ninth seed, mandach, has pulled ahead in this battle. Once again, it appears as though the crazy Hawks fans are trying to secure a victory for one of their own. Unfortunately, they have to get past the fans from Madison Square Garden first.

So, there you have it, the Top 16 Hotties of Hockey as nominated by Mother Pucker Hockey, and as voted by you! There are still a few hours left to get your votes in for Psycho_Bambi. And please, PLEASE, vote for her. She gets very pissy when people don’t think she’s the hottest woman alive, and, quite frankly, I don’t want to have to live with that for the next few days if she’s feeling that way! Click here to vote for our girl now!

I hope the Hotties of Hockey don’t mind that I’ve posted their pictures! If you do, fire me a message and I’ll take them down! Good luck!

I think the first time I heard the word, my friend and I were jumping out of the car one frozen night to go to yet another junior hockey game. My dad, who isn’t into any sport other than NASCAR, decided my friend and I probably didn’t like the game and were “just puck bunnies.” It was kind of funny how you turn sixteen, and suddenly years of dedication to a sport fly out the window. At the time, my friends knew very little about the game. I didn’t mind so much, I was just happy to have someone along for the ride. We never sat closer than the eighth row, but, really, is there a bad seat in the house at ANY junior hockey rink? Player interaction just did not happen minus the odd, “Hey baby!” out of their car windows while we were waiting to be picked up…by our parents, I mean.

The last game of that season everything changed, and we were sitting smack dab in the front row. In my hometown (eww, remember that show on YTV?), all the hockey players went to the same high school, and, by extension, the school was also the haven for the fiercest puck bunnies around. One of my hockey buddies was friends with one of these girls, and by this final playoff game of the season, our click, and the click from Puck Bunny High collided for the very first time.

They looked so different from us. They had clearly taken their time getting ready for the game, and they all seemed to work at tanning salons (and that wasn’t even the style at the time). They sat at the other end of the rink from us during that game. They looked like these unemotional statues that had been forced against their will to even make an appearance rink side at all. They stared off into space with this stern and indifferent look in their eyes. They appeared to be above whatever was happening on the ice. I couldn’t help but wonder, “Why are they here?”

After the game, my friend dragged us over to meet the PB crew. It was now time for me to learn the lesson of waiting around the locker room. There were dozens of puck bunnies already down there waiting for the guys to get off the bikes or emerge from the steam infested unknowns of the locker room. Periodically, the gates would open, and the girls would flock together to see if anything skin coloured was visible through the fog.

I stood there thinking the experience was incredibly awkward. So, I pressed myself up against the wall and started observing the trends. Every cluster of girls, dressed in jeans and black tops, seemed to be fawning over one girl in the group. Whoever this designated It girl was in any one of the clicks, had this look of solemn superiority. Somehow she had risen above the others, but the question was how?

I looked to the group that I was standing askew of. My friends continued with the lively small talk while casting curious glances over at any young man in a suit that swaggered through the locker room door. But there was one girl from Puck Bunny High that didn’t say much. She was the prettiest one of the group, and her eyes revealed a certain level of cool expertise. She was the It girl, or as I would later call them, the Queen of this warren. As it would turn out, her claim to the royal throne was a hand job in the arena parking lot after hours. The girl was never the same again, and now she had the unbelievably challenging burden of getting her friends into the club.

I suppose I should have clued into the warning sign as I began to notice that my friends were carrying on the way the other non-Queens were. I should have realized that in the sea of laughter and large pearly white smiles, they were revealing a secret desire that would burn hot inside them now that they had the experience of this pivotal season finale. I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised with how the following season would play out. Hand Job Harriet would continue to be a stranger to me, but this “puck bunny” and all that she represented was about to move in a little closer to home.

This morning I had not one but seven Facebook messages sent to my P-Lady account alerting me that some heinous bimbo had possibly posted my personal information in, what a shock, a certain player’s rumour forum. Apparently, he and I have been doing nasty things together and I apparently can’t get over it now that he’s tossed me aside. Hmm, couldn’t you have started a better rumour like I’m bitter because he was really bad at it? Or he had a creepy shoe fetish or something? Not the same old song and dance, please, this is Psycho Lady Hockey, we think outside the box here.

We have all had moments when we’ve used these sites. Remember back to the Voy forum days? I have a very distinct memory of sitting in the library at school while my friend posted the lyrics to Missy Elliot’s One Minute Man (it was a hit at the time) on my behalf. But that is neither here nor there. The truth of the matter is that I’ve always found those sites to be kind of nightmareish war zones, so I tend to stay away from them. Of course, they provide hours of entertainment for the masses, and there was a time when they fulfilled that want in me too. I really couldn’t tell you what was said about me before, or since I took a glance at it this morning, so I’m not going to bother commenting on any of it really. But I have apparently been accused of not only starting the rumour, but responsible for every single post on the subject. I must have been sleep walking. Unfortunately, I don’t need some hockey player’s rumour site as an outlet to talk about myself, I have my own website for that, as you can plainly see.

I was under the impression that when these rumours start, they are pretty much immediately diffused. Yet, apparently, this has been going on for “some time.” I was noticing that my site was getting strange Google hits from people looking for “Certain Player Psycho Hockey Lady.” First of all, it’s Psycho LADY Hockey; learn to read? I guess it’s my bad for not investigating this sooner, but I’m not really in the habit of personally typing in the thousands of Google hits I get a week to see what comes up. As you can see in my Teammates section, Talk-Sports and I actually have a mutual endorsement, so I’m pretty surprised that Randy didn’t personally alert me of this sooner, but maybe no one is really paying attention to this particular player’s forum other than those obsessed with him or those obsessed with me.

I have to assume people come to my site to see what they already think is here. They made up their minds about something they read, and now they need the proof to substantiate the claims; reading between the lines, putting words on the page that aren’t there, etc. You know, like the she-swine that started the rumours that I’m nailing all the players every time I go on the road. The funny thing is that they’ve taken a certain event and linked it to an individual. Anyway, some of my posts have been listed in the other forums on Talk-Sports, I haven’t bothered to check which, but that’s just proof positive that people have been looking for things on a variety of individuals. “Psycho Lady Hockey said this, she MUST be talking about [player name]’s girlfriend,” when I have no idea who this girl actually is.

Truthfully, I really don’t care what you post about me anywhere, but since people have been addressing me personally on this site, I thought I’d go on the record and say that you are just talking to yourself because I’m not there to read it. I’m not going to do these Hell-hounds the honour of posting this on the site directly either, but I’m sure one of you super sleuths will post it on my behalf.

As for the rumour itself, it’s really getting old. At one point, I only had to deal with it at hockey games. Some spectator would catch on to some on-ice shenanigans, which would immediately prompt the, “Is that your husband?” question.

“Uh, no.”

Then it seemed a certain ego was perpetuating this “she’s in love with me” rumour himself. Because I can’t actually tell when he’s talking about me… No, not at all. But, anyway, I’m sure that it’s only a coincidence that this kind of childishness has shown up online. Didn’t I ask you to stop this…umm last week? Didn’t I say that it was f***ing with both of our careers? My bigger feeling is that the aforementioned obsessive she-swine are actually to blame. They appear to be looking for any and all outlets to promote my website because they still seem to believe that attracting attention to me is going to somehow decrease my traffic. Good luck with that.

It’s easy to see why puck bunnies are so aggressive on these sites. They put players on a pedestal that no woman can ever live up to, including the girlfriends. It’s like I must have been swirling raunchy and adulterous rumours about myself because hockey players are the best and would never want me in real life. It’s like you really believe that I have no personal life. Like I don’t date guys who might actually be prone to looking at these websites and finding out about how I’m allegedly screwing this guy or that. No, no, the hockey player is always the hero, even if he was cheating. That’s OK, he’s entitled, he’s a god, right? It takes two to tango, and as my mother once told me, “It’s NEVER the other woman’s fault.” Go listen to that Shakira and Beyonce song already, and get with the program.

Anyway, I’m surprised I’ve talked about this so much, my only actual concern was this allegation that my personal information was illegally posted online. If this is true, then only one of two halves of the disturbingly insecure couple in question could have posted my phone number. I didn’t see it, so I don’t know if it was actually my number, but I haven’t received any strange phone calls, so there you go. If however, I do discover that my information has once again been posted online, or I do receive even one phone call, or see even one fragment of an email as a result of this desperate attempt to prove a point, I will take legal action. I know you think you can hide behind your computer, but computers have little things called IP addresses, which allow you to be traced. You see, every time you visit my site, you leave a trail. This trail tells me all kinds of information about you. It allows me to identify your future visits, or notice if you’re traveling and, I don’t know, checking in on me the night before a road game, or after your pregame nap. So, just so the two of you know that I’m not blowing smoke, I will right now divulge your service providers (that’s not illegal, by the way, seeing as millions of people use the same one). I’m going to list by country not city in the spirit of the privacy that you have seemingly begrudged me. In the US you use Cox, and in Canada you are with Shaw. Of course, you haven’t been obsessively reading this site since the offseason or anything. I must have made that up…

So, there you have it. I’ve said my piece, and this is the only piece you’ll get. Do what you want with it, and keep talking, if you still feel like it.

So, to kick off the festivities, I’ve decided to repost the puck bunny quiz as seen in the pages of my book Down the Rabbit Hole: A Guide to Puck Bunnies (2004). The quiz was a big hit when it was originally posted in the summer. I think I had something like 200 new followers on Twitter that day! That was a big deal at the time because I had only been on the Twitter train for a few weeks at that point! Anyway, I hope the new wave of Psycho Lady readers will enjoy it just as much! Get excited, it’s almost Puck Bunny Month!!

1. How many hockey games do you attend per season?
[a] Less than ten games per season.
[b] One game a week. Usually every Friday home game.
[c] All the home games, and the odd road game.

2. You and your friends notice a new player on your favourite team. You say,
[a] “Was #28 on the team before?”
[b] “#28 was just traded here a couple days ago. He’s 6’2,” 205lbs, and a Scorpio.”
[c] “Wow, #28 is cute! I bet his dick is huge!”

3. Your hockey shrine consists of:
[a] A mint condition game day program.
[b] A game day program complete with team signatures, tickets from every game you have ever attended, a team flag, both home and road jerseys (also complete with signatures), homemade pompoms, newspaper clippings, a few tapes of games recorded off TV, and a framed picture of you and that hottie #8.
[c] A disc that contains naked images of you and three members of your hometown team, condom wrappers labeled with the names and numbers of the players who used them, and the pair of boxers that you stole from #8 after you slept with him…or was it #14?

4. It’s your favourite hometown hero’s birthday. To honour this occasion, you:
[a] Send him an e-greeting.
[b] Get together with your friends and bake him a birthday cake, but eat it yourselves.
[c] Give him a blowjob.

5. It’s game day, and you have front row seats. You need to look extra good. You:
[a] Brush your hair, and keep a lip gloss on hand.
[b] Schedule a day at the beauty salon.
[c] Decide that a transparent t-shirt bearing the words, “Lick Me” is best worn sans bra.

6. The best aspect of hockey is:
[a] The fights.
[b] The hot, sweaty boys roughing each other up.
[c] The well sculpted male specimens who play with big sticks.

7. History class is starting to drag. As usual, you:
[a] Chat to your friend about tonight’s game.
[b] Draw pictures of your hockey boys, and doodle their initials on your binder.
[c] Write a detailed entry in your sex diary about what you and #25 did last night.

8. The team is on the road and the hockey game is not on TV. You:
[a] Will read about it in tomorrow’s paper.
[b] Drive to the arena with your friend, for ambiance, and tune into the game on your local AM radio station.
[c] Could care less. You are at the game.

9. You like hockey players because:
[a] They are extraordinarily talented athletes.
[b] They’re cute.
[c] They have the good and know how to use them.

10. The word you most associate with hockey is:
[a] Power-play.
[b] Bunny.
[c] Naked.

11. When discussing last night’s game, you remark:
[a] “#32 got a game misconduct after he got into a huge fight.”
[b] “#32 looked at me three times during the warm up.”
[c] “I messed around with #32 last night.”

12. How many hockey players do you know personally?
[a] Two
[b] Six
[c] Twenty-nine.

13. If a hockey player were to talk to you, he’d say:
[a] “Nice to meet you.”
[b] “Thanks, you’re a cutie, too.”
[c] “Oh, that feels so good!”

14. Your pregame ritual involves:
[a] Double-checking your purse to make sure you have the tickets.
[b] Eating your favourite player’s favourite food and listening to a CD of the team’s warm up music.
[c] The removal of all “inconvenient” body hair.

15. If your hometown did not have a hockey team, you:
[a] Would get a new hobby.
[b] Don’t want to think about it.
[c] Would be a virgin.

Scoring

Mostly A’s – Puck Bunny in Denial

When people accuse you of being a puck bunny, you usually get defensive. You have a sincere love for hockey and know a great deal about it. You may have had genuine intentions when you started going to local hockey games, but had a hard time ignoring the allure of the hockey players. You are likely to educate your friends on how you are above puck bunnies because you know how to call an offside. You try to get to know a few players on your hometown team, which is okay as long as you do not throw yourself at them. You have most likely slept with a hockey player or two. You think this behaviour does not make you a puck bunny because they are the ones who came on to you. You are hurt when a hockey player uses you. You feel like he has treated you like a puck bunny, and you know that you are not one. Truthfully, you do get carried away with hockey. Sometimes it is just more fun to focus on the players than it is on the game.

Mostly B’s – Puck Bunny and Proud of It

You love being a puck bunny, and try to incorporate your bunnyism into all aspects of your life. You know a good number of players on your hometown team, and live by the things they say to you. You have an innocent approach with the hockey players. You fantasize about being their girlfriend, and all the cuddling privileges that comes with the title. You have never slept with a hockey player, or even fooled around with one. Your obsession for hockey players exceeds that of any other type of puck bunny. You keep everything related to your hometown heroes, from tickets to a piece of gum that you saw one spit out. You stay true to one team, and act as the promotions coordinator a lot of the time. You introduce everyone you know to local hockey. You sport team logos and colours everywhere that you go and in everything that you do, like decorating a birthday cake for your favourite player. In the offseason you work diligently on the fan website that you created.

Mostly C’s – Puck Slut

You may, or may not go to many hockey games, but you are well aware that you are a puck bunny. You feel that your breed is the only true form of the puck bunny, as you believe that girls are not puck bunnies unless they sleep with hockey players. To say that you have had sex with these boys is an understatement. You do whatever a hockey player wants you to, and you are not ashamed that you have been passed around the team. Members of various other hockey teams also know you. You appreciated being able to accurately picture members of both teams naked when they are being physical with each other and fighting on the ice. However, you are not made of stone. You secretly hope to be a player’s girlfriend someday. If a hockey player uses you, it hurts. To deal with this rejection, you sleep with more hockey players; perhaps hoping that the one who wronged you will be jealous. You do love to brag about all your sexual adventures with the hockey gods. You have been around the league and done things characteristic of black market porn.

Anyway, a few days before the game, Bambi begged and pleaded with me to let her go to the game in my stead. I was pretty leery about this given Bambi has a terrible track record at hockey arenas. And I’m not talking in the sense that she is bad luck for one team or the other, but rather, sometimes, she takes the puck bunny behaviour a little too far. The last time Bambi was at a game, she was so taken with the fact that one of the players kept smiling at her (and I have to admit, he was a total babe), that, upon him scoring in the remaining five minutes of the game, she ripped her top off and started waving it around her head like a lasso. I should also point out that she neglected to wear a bra to this event. And I should also-also point out that this was a minor league game! It has been years since I have let her go to another game with good reason.

For those of you who don’t know Bambi, she is a raging puck bunny who embraces the term and the lifestyle. But don’t be fooled by that fact, she still knows a shitload about hockey. She is a bleach blonde, fake tanned, wannabe Barbie doll stripper, and that’s why we love her. She can be a bit self-centred, bitchy, and in many ways evil, but I think that’s all part of her appeal. To get to know Bambi, make sure you click here to follow her on Twitter. Don’t forget to follow Carmen as well, so the poor girl doesn’t get a complex that nobody likes a daywalker… I mean…red head.

Take it away, Bambi.

OK, so I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say here. I was told to take pictures of myself every hour, and that’s it. Whatever. I left the T-dot extra early. I had to sneak away while Carm was in the shower, so she wouldn’t cramp my style. Hello, sometimes hot guys try to pick you up on the highway, and I really don’t need a head full of ginger cock blocking me, thanks. I didn’t see too many prospects, though, there were these two guys working at the Esso when I stopped for gas that just WOULD NOT STOP STARING. Take a picture, right?

The border guard was hot, but a total douche bag. He thought I looked dangerous or some shit. He asked me if I had ever been arrested. Umm for what, buddy? All the illegal porn you’re currently fantasizing about me doing in your head right at this moment? Please, let me through already, so you can take a Jergens break. It was kind of funny that while I was crossing the border to come back to Canada, they asked me similar questions. Did I have pepper spray on me? I can see how that would be a legitimate concern. They obviously thought I needed to know how to defend myself against an onslaught of negative male attention. Little did they know that negative male attention is my favourite!

The game was wicked awesome! Psycho and Carm were texting me saying how jealous they were that I was at the Joe and they weren’t. I’d like to point out that I’m pretty sure the Coyotes won because of me. The entire friggin’ team was staring down my shirt all night! And let me tell you, what I’ve got going on down there inspires great things. You’re welcome, Phoenix.

That’s all I really have to say, I’m supposed to pick a song now for the “credits” or something lame like that…

10 AM Stole the keys from Carm and heading off to D-Rock. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, they are real.

11 AM Stopped at the ‘Rents to drop off some ish. No one was home, so I left them a friendly note on the fridge.

12 PM Attempting to take a picture of myself in the mirror. FAIL.

1 PM I don’t know why people always think I’m up to no good…

2 PM Great Success!

3 PM Psycho told me to be cautious if I felt like I was receiving some type of sign. Between 3 and 4 PM I started randomly taking pictures of the radio. I came out with three pictures: Trouble, Phoenix, Warning. How interesting.

4 PM Stopped for some Lupper just before the bridge. It’s like no matter where I go, Carmen is always right there with me!

5 PM Sitting in front of the Joe. I got bored, so I decided to send some assholish text messages to Grand Rapids with hilarious results.

6 PM Me and my Jungle Juice!

7 PMOne of the few moments this kid wasn’t all over my stuff. It was like he knew me or something. Probably in his dreams LOL!

8 PM My homeboy,Todd Bertuzzi!

9 PM Random view from my seat! HOTT!

10 PMHome again. More of me, me, me, me!

11 PM Stupid biatch working the McDonald’s behind PUCK MASTERS screwed up my order. I was too hungry and cold to go in and complain, though. Anyway, sorry people, but I lost interest in the whole “24″ project at this point. Going on road trips by yourself is HARD. I don’t know how Psycho Lady does it…seriously!

10. First Blog Entry

For a couple months I had been contemplating starting a blog. After the producers and the possible TV shows, I was advised to create a site as a place to post my research material while I was off on my hockey excursions. On January 26, 2009, Psycho Lady Hockey was born. Writing that first blog entry on my life in hockey up until the starting point of the site took me hours. I don’t think I have ever been so nervous about something I was writing before that post – 30 page university papers included! Luckily, after my first few posts, I started to loosen up, and just have fun with the content that you have all grown to love, or obsessively hate. Either way.

9. Saved and Nearly Killed by My Flyers Fuzzy Dice

Technically, being saved by my Flyers fuzzy dice happened a couple weeks before the birth of this site, however, the tale was the topic of my third blog post. Speeding on my way to Philadelphia, I was pulled over by Officer McHotterson, who used my Flyers dice as a way to avoid giving me a pretty hefty speeding ticket. Two months later, in Newark, these same dice attracted some unwanted attention from some crazed Devils fans. I was beginning to understand the magnitude of the New York area fandom. Like I’ve said many times, I haven’t seen a rivalry as intense as Islanders-Rangers-Devils. They love to hate each other, and everyone else, even if that team is nowhere to be found.

8. Arizona Prophecy

It’s probably impossible for any of you to actually grasp the Arizona Prophecy because I’ve kept quite a few details out of my posts. Nevertheless, the Arizona Prophecy prompted severe action from me because of the timing of the events. As a hockey fan, I was going to be traveling for hockey no matter what. It didn’t seem like such a bad thing that I switch to a team that was located in an area that I was supposedly linked to in some way. It’s kind of like those forwards you get in your inbox that promise that if you don’t pass it on to twenty people, bad luck will befall you. You know it’s highly unlikely that you’re going to be miserable for the next ten years if you don’t pass it on, but part of you keeps thinking, “What if I just delete this email and horrible things DO happen to me for the next ten years.” Sure it might not happen, but, if it did, wouldn’t you kick yourself knowing that this simple act may have prevented the misfortune. I guess that’s kind of how I approached the Arizona Prophecy. All I needed was a hockey team; Phoenix just provided me with the insurance of keeping all my bases covered.

7. Mystical 6 Game Road Trip

My first major adventure after the switch in team allegiance. The mystical six game roadie happened spontaneously after a two day trip to Boston, to see the Flyers play, turned into an eleven day quest. For these eleven days, I was pretty much out of contact with the world. My family had to resort to tracking me via Psycho Lady Hockey, just to see where I was. Ah, the days before my next game information required top secret clearance. For the first time in my life, hockey began to feel like a life or death thing. I traveled by car, rental car, and planes between Boston, Buffalo, New York, Detroit, and New Jersey. This was definitely one of the craziest, and most sleep deprived trips of my life! Thank goodness for over packing! This event also brought the first wave of Psycho Lady fans to the surface. Until that point, I had only heard from the odd reader. But once I began posting about this adventure, I had messages flooding in demanding to know what happened next.

6. Infamy in Pittsburgh

After a rough and regretful trip to Anaheim last season, I arrived in Pittsburgh tired, hungry, and with dysfunctional hair extensions. We buzzed around downtown Pittsburgh looking for a place for me to get emergency hair surgery (seeing as I looked like a scarecrow with my Calgary Flames Cowgirl hat). After the operation, we had but a few precious moments to get to the rink, and made the first mistake of downing a bottle of bubbly in our haste. The game is a blur of free beer, nachos, and fans whispering about drunk Canadians. After the game, I unleashed the fury on an unsuspecting Pittsburgh Penguin, only to wind up lying in a bed in one of Britney Spears’s tour buses. The next morning was unpleasant to say the least.

5. New Mission

Up until the mystical six game road trip, I had only been traveling out of convenience as a super fan. Seeing as my team was Philly, and I lived in Toronto, I basically only traveled to the most unchallenging locations to see my team play. I tried not to miss any Flyers games in Montreal, Ottawa, Buffalo, and Toronto. But other than those cities, Philadelphia was really the only location I was frequenting. After I switched teams, and went on this crazy adventure, I started to realize that visiting all the arenas at least once is something that I would really enjoy doing! This new mission also gave me an idea for a new book, however, I don’t think it’s fair for me to even begin writing it until the last eleven rinks are under my belt!

4. Taking the Road Show Over Seas

In another one of my crazed moves of the 08-09 NHL season, I found myself on a last minute flight to Zurich for the IIHF World Championship. Let me tell you, going to Europe by yourself can really get lonely. I was watching a lot of Euro MTV a.k.a. one of two English speaking channels (the other being CNN). The most amusing thing about this trip was that I didn’t tell anyone that I was going. Instead I told my family that I was in Pittsburgh for the Flyers series during the playoffs. I chose Pittsburgh instead of Montreal because I knew that if my family thought I was in the States, they wouldn’t bother trying to call my cell phone, thus, not hearing the give away beeping sound that you receive on calls to Europe. No one caught onto my lie for three whole months, until a German receipt fell out of my purse, and I was found out.

3. Welcome to Twitter

At the end of June, I decided to finally join Twitter. I didn’t really see what the point of Twitter was for someone who didn’t have her own business or anything like that, until I realized that I could use it to meet other hockey fans. I don’t think the offseason will ever be the same again. Meeting hockey fans from all over the world made those normally (emotionally) volatile three months a lot more bearable. Twitter also became a great way to compliment my work on Psycho Lady Hockey. If you’re an avid reader, but not following me on Twitter, you should be. It will help you bridge some of the gaps!

2. Psycho Lady Hockey Becomes Too Popular

Apparently. By early October, the jealous underbelly of wannabe puck bunnies began to come out of the woodwork in an attempt to “destroy” me, I guess. Textbook puck bunny behaviour. Hate on anything that might be getting what they not-so-secretly desire. From stalking me daily both on my blog and on Twitter, to spreading rumours about things their mental disorders thought they read on my site, to mounting campaigns to get the other lowly mirror-breakers to join forces in a “mass” unfollow, the Psycho Lady Anti-Fan Club has only succeeded in sensationalizing me to catastrophic numbers as far as they are concerned. If that wasn’t amusing enough, a couple of them have taken to trying to isolate individuals who are outwardly supportive of this website and my existence. Won’t make any friends that way, my girls. Keep up the good work, you’re making my job a whole lot easier.

1. Ducks Fans and Players Show Me a Sign

The Anaheim fans, maybe the most enthusiastic fans in the league, were quick to jump on my Show Me a Sign campaign. In true Ducks fashion, these ladies went above and beyond in their pitch to get me to join their ranks. Not only did they make an amazing and glittery game sign, but they also managed to get Ducks players, George Parros and Joffrey Lupul, to model their handy work. I was obviously quickly sold on the Anaheim club after this gesture. The bar was set very high right out of the gates with this contest. Which reminds me, if you are attempting to make a game sign in the near future, make it small. There have been a few reported incidents of Psycho Lady signs being confiscated at the door due to size.

I ended up checking out of the hotel way later than I had expected. I was watching HBO or something while I was packing, and He’s Just Not that Into You came on. I was very against the whole idea of that movie when I first heard about it. I really hate all that self-help dating stuff, especially considering it’s usually based on the experience of the individual, and centres around women having to modify their behaviour to be even remotely worthy of any man. I won’t go off on one of THOSE tangents, though. And, like I said, I don’t read those books and haven’t read this particular book either. All I know is that my friends that do subscribe to this brand of garbage, basically turn into walking doormats the moment a penis enters the vicinity. Whatever works, right? I’m personally not a doormat, nor do I find doormats attractive. So, I would definitely rather be without someone who wants that type of person *ahem* stereotypical hockey wife.

Anyway, when the movie was about to come on, I reached for the remote to flick it off, but had a curious change of heart. I thought that I’d see how this movie handled all the grade A advice staining the pages of the book. I was only going to watch it for twenty minutes or so while I finished getting my stuff together, but I have to admit that it was surprisingly good. Long after I had packed and put my coat on to leave, I could not pull myself away from it. I had to see how it ended. I was literally perched on the end of the bed in my winter coat, boots, and with car keys in hand for a solid hour at least! What I found interesting about the movie was that all the main characters ended up being “exceptions.” I kind of like that big F you the writers appear to have sent to the author of the book by doing that. After all, what good can the theories and “rules” be if they can’t even hold up?

At 1PM, I finally left my hotel and was bound for the big Victoria’s Secret on Michigan Ave. Surprise! They just happened to be having their Semi Annual Sale. I knew this was going to be more than a quick run in to pick up a new bra. I spent two whole hours in that place, and came away with some gems like the top photo suggests. Mine’s black, though, and it looks better on her, I’m pretty sure. It was great for me to actually have something to declare when the border guard asked me how much I spent on goods. They usually find it suspicious that I never go shopping when I’m away on my trips. Sorry, I just really HATE that activity. This time around, my border guard was a femme, and we had a nice little chat about the sale.

At three, I was back on the road and headed directly into the same hideous weather I hit on my initial journey to the Windy City. Luckily, I stumbled upon Easy Street somewhere in the-middle-of-nowhere, Michigan. Literally. I stopped for gas in some no name spot, which happened to be off a meaningless road with Easy St. labeled on the street sign. So, that’s where it is! Unfortunately, the streets weren’t easy for very long. I still had the 402 to conquer, and, of course, it did not falter in providing me with another one of its usual winter whiteout challenges.

What I love about driving, even in terrible snowstorms, is that the road gives me a place to think. Naturally, finding an NHL team to call my own was a major topic of internal debate during this trip. In my head there were really only three candidates, the Ducks, the Leafs, and the Coyotes. The Ducks have a lot of things that I like, but this trip made me feel like the team and I don’t have enough history to keep a long distance bond like ours alive for long. The Leafs and I go way back. They are the team I grew up with, and we’ve been through a lot. I was there when the team was hot, just like I was there when they were not. And the support was mutual. The Leafs were there for me when I had no one. I sometimes wonder what I would have done without my Saturday night Leafs game at certain points in my life. However, the home games are ridiculously overpriced and tickets are hard to come by. Granted, I’d spend more money paying for a flight, accommodations, and a hockey ticket in the Pacific Division, but the Leafs don’t satisfy the adventurer in me seeing as it only takes me ten minutes to get to the rink. Then there’s Phoenix. I don’t have much to say in their favour at this point, but something someone told me a month and a half ago has played over and over again in my mind.

A woman felt that she needed to weigh in on that whole Arizona Prophecy thing. She told me she lost me at the point that I decided to ditch the Coyotes. Basically, she felt that everything seemed to say that Arizona was where I needed to be, so, no matter what, I shouldn’t have pulled myself away. Maybe that’s true, and maybe it’s not. It’s hard to know what events to pay attention to and what to filter out. She makes some sense, but I don’t know if I can really go back at this point. Going to see a team play, just so you can cheer against them, is not all that enjoyable. Trust me.

By the time I pulled into the drive way at my parents’ house, I made no decision about my new NHL allegiance. Instead, I began to get some crazy ideas in my head that I might branch out altogether. I was thinking that maybe it was time to take a little vacation from the NHL, and switch leagues for a month or so – for my sanity. Luckily, the Olympic break is right around the corner, so the timing couldn’t be more perfect. Stay tuned for details.

Roll the credits…