Self-righteous hockey fans everywhere have their tea-drinking pinky fingers out of joint over the recent news that Sean Avery has made his return to professional hockey. Back in December, Avery received a permanent suspension from the Dallas Stars organization after making “crude” remarks about his sloppy seconds…oops, I mean *ex-girlfriends* and their relationships with other NHL players.
Upon completion of a league counseling program, Avery cleared waivers and was welcomed by the Rangers organization to suit up with their American Hockey League affiliate, the Hartford Wolfpack. Rumour has it, the Rangers are not soured by Avery’s controversial antics during his two season career with the club (specifically from a particular game versus New Jersey… and Toronto…hmm), and are publicly admitting to considering him for a job! – Yippie!
I know a lot of you nice-non-aggressive-self-righteous-no-touch hockey fans are outraged by the very fact that Sean Avery hasn’t been strapped in a straight jacket and thrown in a rocket ship headed for the Sun, but I for one am actually quite excited by the prospect of seeing him back in the big league as soon as possible. Sure, he has said some things in the past that have been quite controversial and downright horrible (and I am not making any excuses for that), but the entertainment value he brings to the game outweighs all that negative excess baggage!
Love him or hate him, or love to hate him, you know that when he stopped playing for the Stars, you stopped watching! I am so sick of reading sports columns bashing Sean Avery for what he said about Elisha Cuthbert! He was just calling a pig a pig! In my books that gets a gold star for demonstrating a thorough understanding of preschool agriculture. Come on. This unanimous holier than thou attitude towards poor Avery makes me question if any of these quote unquote “sports writers” have an original thought to call their own. Maybe you are “getting so sick of this guy making a mockery of the game” on paper, but you know that come hockey night, you couldn’t wait to see what this little mother f***** was going to do next. ADMIT IT!
Unfortunately, after playing nearly twenty minutes in his first AHL game with Hartford on Valentine’s Day, Avery made some bone chilling statements to the Canadian Press. Avery admitted to making some on-ice comments in retaliation to opposition chirps, “I had a few comments, but nothing that was too drastic or something the old Sean would say.”
Noooooooooooooooooooo!
What do you mean the “old Sean!?” Looks like stuffy hockey analysts everywhere finally got their wish to see a PG rated Sean Avery, but my feeling is, before long, you will all get a lot more than you bargained for.
Avery was right when he made those controversial statements on Iginla-like players (he shouldn’t have said it, but still) – watching strictly finesse players can get monotonous after awhile. Where is the value in watching a Crosby or an Ovechkin night in and night out? Headline: Superstar hockey player plays yet another good game. Boring! Avery is the spice of the National Hockey League – the necessary Tabasco! Take away his zest and what do you have? Just another faceless mediocrity! I doubt New Line Cinema wants to make a movie entitled, “Passive-aggressive Hockey Player Likes Women’s Clothes” – doesn’t quite seem as publicly appealing as, “Notorious NHL Asshole Knows His Way Around the Ladies’ Fitting Rooms at Bloomingdales.” All I can hope for is that this “new Sean” attitude is just a phase because, right now, the “new” Sean Avery sounds about as appealing as New Coke.
