The following events took place on March 7th, 2009
I drove all night. I wish I had that Celine Dion song to accompany me! I finally pulled off somewhere southbound on the I-87 because I thought I was going to drop dead from lack of sleep. I discovered that dancing to Britney and smacking yourself in the face really does perk you up, but only briefly. However, as I pulled up to a shady off-road lodging Mecca consisting of Comfort Inns and HoJos, I perked right up. I think the continuous blackness of hours on the highway at night was killing me; so the street lights must have woken me up. I decided to keep moving.
It was four in the morning and I was about a hundred miles outside of New York City. I stole the wi-fi coming out of the Comfort Inn (this is my new favourite thing to do, stealing wireless signals, I mean; makes me feel like an undercover sketchbag), and finally looked up directions on how to get to Long Island. I also took a half hour break and just screwed around on the computer. I checked my emails, and played around on youtube before heading back off into the night.
Just after 5AM I stopped to clean myself up. The night had done terrible things to my already terrible hair. There was nothing I could do, so I just threw on one of the many hats I found in the trunk of my car. It was a Leafs hat (yikes). I had a few of them floating around the trunk from when I used to work there I guess.
I had a decision to make between the two nearest hotels to Nassau Coliseum. Should I stay with the New Jersey Devils, or at the hotel housing the Phoenix Coyotes? After much deliberation, I went with my instincts which told me to stay with the Devils. I’m glad I did, as it was later revealed that the Coyotes’ hotel was allowing livestock to check in. It would have been a fairly ugly scene if I had a run in with the hideous, blonde, gum-chewing, Chlamydic mule that was lodging at that hotel. Plus, I don’t think I could have handled the smell. The mule factor caused me to cheer for the Islanders the next day.
As soon as I was in the NYC vicinity, I noticed people were starting to get a lot ruder! People at the toll booths were MEAN! As I walked up to the hotel, a guy stopped his car and said, “Now, that ass needs to get fucked!” Umm…what? My mouth seriously dropped to the floor. Sure I’ve heard guys yell things out of cars before, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything that direct before. The guy was hot too…so I didn’t understand. As I continued to the front doors, I wondered what that statement could have meant. Did it mean I looked good (somehow despite no sleep/the evil hat), or could the guy tell by the way I was walking that yes, I did, indeed, need *that?*
As I walked into the hotel, the Devils were congregating. They appeared to be in agreement with the statements made by the guy in the car moments earlier. It was making me paranoid due to the lack of sleep for many, many, many days. I just couldn’t deal with the threatening advances of male desire at that moment. I wanted to cry, and I did cry. Emotional breakdowns #3, 4, 5, 6, 7 all happened consecutively that afternoon. It was a shame because part of me wanted to go to the Devils game. I decided it was best that I shower and sleep instead. I slept all afternoon. I finally woke up around 5PM when the obnoxious Islanders fans were screaming and yelling outside my window after the game.
I decided to go out for a drive and find someplace to eat and a pharmacy to stock up on supplies I was out of – conditioner, water, and facial cleansing cloths (they are a must have road trip item!) I returned to the hotel with my supplies, but no food. I was too lazy. I ordered pizza instead.
I sat around my room that night depressed. I was wondering where my alleged Romeo was hiding, and why I wasn’t at least finding a clue as to what I should do next. I had set out on Monday for a two day excursion to Boston that, come dawn, had stretched to a week. I had never done anything so impulsive before. I had said to my friend, “I feel like I have just bet my whole life on a single hand of poker.” Was I wrong? Was I going to lose everything? Where was he?! I went to bed early, not knowing that, the next day, Nassau Coliseum would provide me with my next big sign.
