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jim balsillie Category

Monday, August 10th, 2009

Top 10 Tuesday: Dick signs to bring to the rink this hockey season!


If you’re like me, then you’re a s*** disturber at heart! This means that you probably fantasize about all the douchey signs you’d love to bring to the rink and stick it to the man and/or men. Today’s first ever Top 10 Tuesday will take a look at my picks for greatest dick signs to make for the upcoming 2009-10 NHL hockey season! Please don’t take offence if I went after your team. I love all teams equally, I’m just an asshole! So, enjoy all the dicky goodness, and PLEASE comment with your dick sign additions and creations!

10. Sitting behind Rangers bench: “Is it raining in here?” Make the dick move complete with a geeky rain hat.

9. Coyotes game: “Wayne, your wine is like your coaching – lackluster, yet crowd-pleasing.” That’s right, I went there.(Seriously, it’s pretty enjoyable…the wine, I mean).

8. Bolts @ Isles: “Oh, s***! The game already started!” Get it…’cause they suck? P.S. Notice the concentration in the pic!

7. Flames game: “Phaneuf, I dated Sean Avery, want my phone number?” Add a little something extra by wearing a t-shirt that says, “sloppy seconds.” (For the guys, “Hey Dion, @#$% you!”)

6. Pens game: “Crosby, I’m pregnant! It’s time to get your own place.” You can substitute the last sentence with, “Tell Mario I’m moving in.” (For the guys: “Crosby, in case you didn’t know, this is not a swimming pool.”)


5.
Rangers @ Sens: Picture of Carrie Underwood, “Tony Romo’s sloppy seconds.” Two birds with one stone.

4. Preds @ Yotes: “In Balsillie we trust!” Make sure you bring people to back you up because the fans will be madder at you than Patrick Kane at a taxi driver.

3. Game with TSN coverage: “Pierre McGuire is from New Jersey and says that he once did something that is completely irrelevant to this game.” (I kid because I love.)

2. Blackhawks game: Draw two dimes and write, “Hawks will @#$% you up for only twenty cents!”

1. Leafs game: “At this point I just come for the beer.” It doesn’t matter that the beer is $13.

Top 10 Tuesday will be a regular weekly feature on Psycho Lady starting right now. Enjoy!

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

The Phoenix saga continues…


The Coyotes situation has exploded again and I’ve decided to weigh in simply because I wanted to post this sweet cartoon a die-hard Yotes fan sent me! So, rumour around the proverbial water cooler is that Balsillie’s $212.5M bid to purchase the Phoenix Coyotes will now be considered at the team’s auction on September 10th along with other bidders both for and against relocation.

OK, for the purpose of this entry, let’s assume that Balsillie’s bid is accepted, and that his legal team is able to override the NHL’s recent vote against his suitability as an owner on the grounds that they have approved of him as such back in 2006. Let’s assume that a suitable owner cannot be found to both appease creditors and keep the team in Arizona. Let’s assume that relocation to Hamilton is the probable outcome of the Coyotes’ saga. Suddenly, $212.5M looks like chump change.

Earlier on in the court drama that is the future of the desert dogs, Bettman made a public statement that Balsillie’s bid is not as much as it seems. Well, he’s right. What do you think would happen if a billionaire business mogul waltzed into the Air Canada Centre and announced that he was buying the Toronto Maple Leafs for *Dr. Evil voice,* ”Two hundred and twelve MIIIIIIIIILLION dollars mwahahhahaha!!” Well, after MLSE staff and executives regained their composure from guaranteed hysterical laughter, the likely outcome would involve Richard Peddie grabbing his trusted two barrel shotgun and yelling, “Git outta maaaa office!”

The Toronto Maple Leafs are the money makers of the National Hockey League. It is suggested that an NHL club located thirty minutes west of the ACC would pull in similar financial figures, which means that the Hamilton Coyotes have the potential to clear between $400M and $600M a season. A team with that kind of value will not go for a steal – and $212.5M is a blow out sale!

If relocation is a real possibility, then potential buyers willing to move the team to the open arms of Copps Coliseum will have to view the price of the Coyotes as a team with southern Ontario value instead of small scale sunbelt earning potential. Likely this fact will bring previously uninterested buyer groups out of the woodwork, and an all out bidding war will ensue on September 10th. Fortunately, for Jim Balsillie, if anyone is in the position to up the ante, it’s him. However, Balsillie didn’t get nauseatingly rich by investing in projects he was unsure of. He has already proven in the past that he doesn’t want to get locked into a possible money losing venture. According to the Canadian TV show, Power Play (a show revolving around the dealings of a mock NHL team, the Hamilton Steelheads), Hamilton is a small hockey market. Not sure what the writers of that show were on, but perhaps, as history suggests, Jim Balsillie will be cautious about raising his bid should it come to that.

Here’s to what promises to be an entertaining September.

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

Thumbs down, everyone!


If it wasn’t bad enough that those pesky Penguins won the Stanley Cup and ruined my Red Wings playoff prediction (grrr), my victory lap in Vegas was soured by the rejection of Balsillie’s bid to relocate the Phoenix Coyotes to my backyard. Surprisingly, I wasn’t overly disappointed. I’m still in the middle of my off season re-evaluation, and so I haven’t quite decided what I’m planning to do for the 2009-10 season as of yet. It’s entirely possible that I will not support the Phoenix Coyotes next year or their Steel Town equivalent.

Balsillie claims that his fight is not over, and maybe it’s not, but let’s face it, there won’t be NHL hockey in Hamilton next season (I haven’t forgotten about you, Bulldogs). The Coyotes have until September 15th to find a viable owner; this shouldn’t be a problem as the League has alleged several offers from parties with Glendale’s best interests at heart. However, should these offers be yet another Bettman bluff, then come September 15th who knows what will go down. If the League has to fund the losses for the club for yet another season (an estimated $45M in 09-10), then the Coyotes will likely pack up and head North to Winnipeg, the location with the League’s supposed stamp of approval.

For the short term, keeping the Coyotes in their Jobing.com desert oasis for another season is likely the best option for all parties involved. The Southern Ontarian fan base has had a massive publicity showcase for the last several weeks, and Balsillie’s Make It Seven campaign has rallied support from nearly 200K Canucks including major Canadian brands such as Labatt, Home Hardware, First Ontario Credit Union, and DeWalt Tools. With the 416/905 in the spotlight, the League would be crazy not to put the Golden Horseshoe at the top of the NHL expansion list.

In terms of benefiting the League, not only do they win this initial case on relocation, but they also save face. Now the League is free to determine for themselves that the Coyotes cannot survive in the desert, and they can, thus, relocate them when, where, and how they see fit. After all, this was about a “respect for the rules!” The League doesn’t want to be told that their teams are in trouble especially not by some richie rich tech billionaire, they want to come to this realization on their own. Unfortunately, the League is likely to be soured on giving the Coyotes to Hamilton – that would be too close to a Balsillie victory – but don’t be surprised if the Winnipeg Jets take a reunion flight by 2011!

Unfortunately, the loser in all of this legal and financial mess is the pocket-sized hockey fan base in Arizona. These few but prouds are likely to be basking in the glow of their temporary victory. If they were smart they would do their part to rally as much support for the Coyotes as possible to ensure a large enough peak in sales to keep the creditors at bay. Unfortunately, the Phoenix fans are asking people to part with their hard earned money at times of economic tight fisting – a battle that even the Detroit powerhouse is losing! Hopefully, in the interest of the Phoenix faithful, the close call this summer will help to boost sales and save the desert dogs, but don’t be surprised if it has had the opposite effect (who wants to invest in unstable stock ). Remember, Phoenix: the League is not your friend; they only had your back this round. When all is said and done, the NHL is a business, and the Phoenix office is the red year after year. Enjoy this hockey season, Arizona – it might be your last.

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

June 9th: The biggest day in hockey…or not.


Today was supposed to be the most important day of the 2008-09 season for the National Hockey League and quite possibly in the entire world of sport. Not only was this afternoon to witness the verdict on potential relocation for the Phoenix Coyotes, which will consequentially influence the way all professional league sports operate in the future, but it was also supposed to be the presentation of hockey’s holy grail, the Stanley Cup, to the Detroit Red Wings for a second straight year!

The hockey community and fans alike were expecting an impressive fireworks display in Phoenix today, but early this afternoon, Judge Redfield T. Baum cancelled Christmas and announced that he would not be ruling on relocation just yet. Luckily, Canadians will not have to wait as long for any word on progress toward the acquisition of our seventh NHL team, as Baum claims we will have a ruling by the end of the week. Unfortunately, this means a few more sleepless nights for me. I need a vacation!

The second disappointment came this evening, when the Detroit Red Wings were unable to secure a Stanley Cup victory during game six in Pittsburgh. Wouldn’t you know that Teenstache would be the player to foil my playoff predictions (Wings in six)! Must be karma or something, but, come on, he had a teenstache, what was I supposed to do, NOT point it out? (Re: Everybody gets one) At least for the faithful Pens fans, they were able to witness a home victory for their final home game of the season.

And don’t get me wrong, I love a good game seven as much as the next diehard fan, but the 08-09 season saw the multiplication, intensification, and expansion of my crazy misadventures in hockey, and truthfully, I’m actually looking forward to having a few months off! I can’t believe I just said that, but I need some time to regroup and rethink some of the choices I made this season. Also, a part of my heart is still in Philadelphia, and so Pittsburgh is the last team I want to see winning the cup! Booo!

So, June 9th, the day hyped up to be the most important day in the world of hockey, turned out to be a dud, and the fireworks didn’t even fizzle! Hopefully Friday will be a far more exciting day with victories for both Southern Ontarians and our neighbours over the Ambassador Bridge! Go Wings Go!

Watch: Make It Seven by the GMOs!

Sunday, May 31st, 2009

Mid Mayhem Update!


For the first time in my life the Stanley Cup playoffs have mattered little. The suspense surrounding the future of the Phoenix Coyotes has been too much of a distraction. I’m not sure if I have even watched a full playoff game since Jim Balsillie made his $212.5M bid to purchase and relocate my foster children to Hamilton. I have even been too distracted to update my blog! So since it has been nearly two weeks since my last entry, this entry will act as an overall summary of current affairs in the hockey world.

Since my last entry on May 19th, Judge Redfield T. Baum ordered both parties (the National Hockey League and Jerry Moyes) into mediation to determine ownership of the Phoenix Coyotes. When the court reconvened on May 27th, Judge Baum placed the ‘Yotes legally into the hands of Jerry Moyes! Ding, ding, ding! And Round 1 goes to Jim Balsillie! Also, Baum ordered that the relocation hearing be moved up from June 22nd to June 9th in keeping with Balsillie’s June 30th expiration date on his generous offer.

Since my last entry on May 19th, both sides have been busy rallying support from big name factions. The League has turned out support from the other three major leagues: NBA, MLB, and NFL. Naturally, the other major leagues would be concerned with a respect for the “rules” and would want full control of who owns and moves their teams, and thus, a Balsillie victory would surely make them soil their panties. On the other side of the spectrum, the Balsillie camp has rallied support from two major Canadian household heavy weights, Labatt Breweries and Home Hardware. Within days of announcing support for MakeItSeven.ca, Labatt released television commercials promoting the website.

Since my last entry on May 19th, Bettman and the League have maintained that their resistance of the Hamilton relocation is not out of spite or stubbornness, but out of a defense of the principles and rules involved. The League has also thrown clichéd contradictions toward the media suggesting on the one hand that Phoenix was not in trouble, and on the other that they are in trouble, but that the team is fixable. The League has thus decided to ignore the fact that the Coyotes have never won a playoff series, have not made the playoffs in seven straight seasons, and that the new talent is not the caliber to suggest a major turnaround in the upcoming season. So, financially, the team will not be relying on the players to turn attendance around. Gretzky, the “Great One” (he gets quotation marks around his nickname as he has fallen out of favour with me since he announced support of the bid to keep the Coyotes in Phoenix), wasn’t even enough of a draw to bring fans to the fabulous Jobing.com Arena. If Gretzky and free booze and $9 tickets can’t do it, nothing can.

Since my last entry on May 19th, the Phoenix Coyotes’ sometimes-fans have maintained that they exist, although Sportsnet has reported that at no time during the court proceedings did a Coyotes jersey make an appearance around the courthouse. I remember thinking to myself, if this happened in Toronto, there would be riots! A sea of blue and white would be blocking all entry points to the courthouse and anarchy would surely ensue, but then I thought, “Oh, wait a minute, this would never happen in Toronto because we actually support our hockey team through thick and thin!” Furthermore, since the bid on May 5th, season ticket renewals for the Coyotes have dropped from $1.5M to $20K! So instead of feeling that sense of urgency to get up and support their team now more than ever, the Coyotes fans have decided to wait and see if they still have a team to support even when their lack of support is the root of the problem. They are practically saying “Oh we don’t really care about the team, we just care about losing our money!” You’d get a refund, duh! The worst part is, if these proceedings are dragged out through the summer with appeals and all of that, then the Coyotes will have even fewer supporters by the time September rolls around, not more!

Since my last entry on May 19th, the Balsillie camp has moved forward with plans for the $150M total facelift of Copps Coliseum…and it will look niiiiice! Not only will the exterior be beautified, the interior will be upgraded with restaurants, suites, and a higher seating capacity! However, Balsillie has maintained that he is willing to keep the Coyotes in Phoenix for one more year if the scheduling conflict is too much for the League to handle. However, the League will also have to agree to reimburse Balsillie for the losses the team will incur in Glendale in 09-10 – an estimated $45M!

Since my last entry on May 19th, news reporters, sportscasters , and town drunks alike have all argued to death why and why not the Coyotes will work in Hamilton. This is probably the reason I haven’t updated in so long. We KNOW! We know the facts! We know it will work! And we KNOW it’s a long shot! Men are sooo funny, it’s so easy to regurgitate information and it’s so easy to bet against the underdog! But if you haven’t noticed, upsets exist, and when they do happen the payout is sweet!

Since my last entry on May 19th, the NHL playoffs have continued and Detroit and Pittsburgh are meeting in the Cup finals for the second straight year! I need to pause a moment to say, “Neener, neener, neener, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!” My pre-playoff predictions listed a Wings/Pens rematch in the finals (even though at the time I even said, noooo, that can’t be!) So, take THAT, all of you smelly boys with your Bostons and your San Joses! Yesssssss! Too bad I didn’t bet money on it! Oh well, live and learn.

P.S. I predicted the Red Wings in six!

Picture: An artist’s rendering of the New Copps Coliseum!

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