I’m sure that for the average man-fan, having non-hockey friends is both rare and unproblematic apart from the occasional disagreement over which sports bar to attend. However, for the female lover of the game, having non-hockey enthused girl friends can cause a lot of unnecessary drama. I’m obviously not one to shy away from the term “puck bunny,” or throw it around loosely, but when your friends don’t like hockey, and are still anxious to attend games with you, then you obviously know what they are about. Here are some of the craziest/weirdest situations I have been exposed to as a result of having friends that don’t like hockey.
When your friends don’t like hockey…they cry when you get good seats.
Back in high school, when I was first starting to go to hockey games without my sports-obsessed uncle, I recruited any and every one of my friends willing to try the game on for size. After one visit the girls were hooked. Let’s face it, it’s hard to keep good Catholic school girls away from sweaty teenaged boys. After a few games we decided to buy our tickets for the next game directly from the box office. Sure enough, our seats improved. One of my friends was so excited that she cried, “I haven’t been this excited since I got Backstreet Boys tickets!”
When your friends don’t like hockey…they chase hockey players around in their high school kilts!
Eventually, the hockey drama got the better of my high school group of friends, and a season later we weren’t friends anymore. This largely had to do with the fact that they started very odd stalking habits. One particular gem was that they would travel across town to the team’s high school during lunch in hopes that the guys would see them in their kilts. If you think Catholic school girls don’t know that you fantasize about them in their kilts, you’d be wrong. They know. They all know. I’m not sure if the players ever saw this, but they tried again the night of the high school formal, and showed up for the warm up complete with up-do’s and glitter make-up.
When your friends don’t like hockey…they peer pressure you into dating rookies!
This happens a lot. Like I said, when your friends don’t like hockey, they obviously just like the hockey players, and will do anything to get on their good side. For some reason, I tend to be the bait. I’m the one that knows enough about the game to legitimize the other girls’ reasons for being there. Ideally, I’m supposed to “get them in.” However, sometimes their plan backfires, and the player that they are chasing turns around and declares an interest in yours truly. I don’t know about you, but if a guy that knew I was after him turned around and asked me to hook him up with my friend, after I tore his throat out, the last think I’d be doing is trying to pressure my friend into dating him. Not so where puck bunnies are concerned. I can honestly say that the only peer pressure I ever experienced growing up was from my “friends” trying to force me to like hockey players that I didn’t like. Apparently, the entire team would be mad at them if I didn’t date certain guys – riiiiight.
When your friends don’t like hockey…they wear low cut shirts to hockey games!
Well, of course they do! You have to flaunt the assets during the mating game. Unfortunately, this can cause problems if you have seats behind the bench of your favourite team, as it will inevitably distract your boys. If you have a friend like this, then it’s a good idea to plan in advance and buy tickets on the opposing side. You can make money by betting the trend that your friend’s boobs will cause the team in closest proximity to lose. (Seriously, it’s sure fire!)
When your friends don’t like hockey…they want to know which players are hot in advance!
Back during the NHL Lock Out, I decided to finally check out the AHL. My friend (a non-hockey lover) and I wanted to plan a road trip together. She wanted to go somewhere with frat boys, and I wanted to go somewhere with hockey. I nominated Milwaukee since they were the defending Calder Cup Champions – and that was the extent of my knowledge of the Milwaukee Admirals. My friend asked me which players were hot. I told her I didn’t know who played on the team, as I had never seen the team play before. Before agreeing to buy tickets, she needed to see the roster. So, I found the Ads’ website and I showed her. She found one or two that she thought were alright – we all know how unflattering hockey pics are, right ladies? Anyway, by the time we saw the warm up for our first game in town, she declared that they were all hot, and she would bang any of them. (I love their reactions to their first hockey games!) After that her new motto was, “What happens in Wisconsin, stays in Wisconsin.”
When your friends don’t like hockey…they make you risk your life trying to give their number to possible convicts!
While on my way to a hockey game, my non-hockey friend saw a hot guy driving beside us. She was trying to get his attention then finally wrote down her cell number and tried to pass it to him on the I-69! I had to do some fancy driving to accomplish this, but after some near collisions, we decided to all get off at the next exit. The guy pulls up beside us and my friend gives him her number. He looked at the area code strangely. “It’s Toronto….Canada” she told him. “Oh…Canada? I’m not allowed in Canada.” I just about died of laughter, and my friend’s facial expression was a combination of both shock and sheer terror. She stuttered some excuse for us to get going again, as she was internally speculating on what this guy could have done to be banned from our country. As we got back on the interstate, she said very seriously, “I hope he doesn’t call me.” However, an hour or so later she was flirting with another car.
When your friends don’t like hockey…they assault Nashville Predators!
One of my friends had a huge crush on one of the Nashville Predators. I don’t need to say which one. Anyway, she saw him waiting for the bus before one of his games, and she decided she was going to talk to him. She has a military-type upbringing, and so she doesn’t just walk, she trudges – and it’s very intimidating even though she’s such a small person. Anyway, she was trudging toward him. And I will never forget the look on his face when he saw her trudging at him. He was scared. I was running after her. I imagine a slow-motion “Noooooo-ooooooooo-oooooooooooo!” coming out of my mouth. But I was too late. She got to him first. No, she didn’t talk to him, she JUMPED on him. He was even more scared. I got in there quickly trying to make up some reason for her assault, and tried to smooth things over. It worked. I let them talk for a bit, but then the bus showed up. I tried to get us out of there, but she’d have none of it. To my horror, the players started coming out to the bus and they were all smiling with those knowing smiles, like they knew what we were up to. @#$%! Anyway, the greatest line of the story was when she told the guy her name and he got it wrong, to which she just said, “Yeah, you can call me whatever you want” hahaha!
When your friends don’t like hockey…they make you declare embarrassing things at the border!
When your girl friends don’t like hockey, they tend to only buy merchandise to reflect their fondness for the hotness of their favourite players. On a trip to Grand Rapids, the Griffins were having a clearance sale and selling year-old expired team calendars for ninety-nine cents. There were a few babe-shots of my friend’s favourite player working out, so she decided to buy one. Later that night, crossing back into Canada, I announced to the border guard that she had purchased an old calendar for a dollar because she thought one of the guys was cute. The border guard laughed, but my friend got defensive. She leaned over and tried to justify her actions to the guard, “He’s Canadian, he’s from Toronto!” The border guard gave her a weird look and said, “Does that make it right? I don’t know.” Haha! It’s still one of my favourite border guard lines ever!
When your friends don’t like hockey…hockey players sleep in your bed and you had no idea they were there!
On a very crazy road trip filled with angry wives and all kinds of goodness, the girls and I retired back to our hotel room after a night of dinner and dancing. However, one of the players decided to follow us. I fell asleep while they were webcaming to some other player. Anyway, the next morning, the girls kept asking me if I slept well. I kept saying, “Yes.” And they both looked really disturbed. Finally, one of them told me, “Umm, you do know that buddy slept in your bed last night, right?” I had no idea at all. Immediately, I was both disturbed and concerned. I tend to hold on to things in my sleep.
When your friends don’t like hockey…you end up in hotel rooms with half naked hockey players!
Girls that like hockey players tend to be very good at making connections. Hanging out with them will certainly result is weird situations. For some reason, this tends to include being up way too late in hotel rooms the night before game day. In this particular situation, my friend was interested in one of the guys, so she didn’t want to leave his side, even though he was clearly passing out on the bed. Please notice the disgust on my face – what’s behind that towel?
When your friends don’t like hockey…you end up being nicknamed, Blue Balls!
The infamous All-Star weekend 2007! Imagine what would happen if you are of the attitude that hockey players are gods and you don’t deserve to be in their presence. Well, the puck bunnies I was with on this particular weekend were so intimidated by the players that they were too insecure to do their “seductive” dancing where the hockey players could actually see them – even though the goal was to actually have the players see them. I, on the other hand, am always dancing. If you see me at a game, I’m dancing. In the car, I’m dancing. In the grocery store, I’m dancing. So, I didn’t see a need to run away with some of the other girls, and since I wasn’t scared of the players, I didn’t stutter and run off whenever they talked to me. Anyway, since I was nice to them, apparently the guys let their imaginations get carried away, and my nickname that weekend was Blue Balls (allegedly). HA! Not my problem! I suppose there are worse nicknames to have.
When your friends don’t like hockey…you’re better off going to the game alone and making new friends that do!
