For those of you who couldn’t tune in to HockeyBuzz for tonight’s 2 hour LIVE Season Preveiw, and would love another chance to listen to me make an ass out of myself, then click here for the podcast version of the show! I actually had to talk about REAL hockey stuff, guys! You can also tell by my voice that I still have not fully recovered from my feverish episode when the Flyers were in town. Enjoy!
If you missed tonight’s live broadcast of the PredsOnTheGlass radio show, then click here to catch the extended podcast version. Apparently, we set a POTG record for longest archived version yet recorded! I was a guest along with Nick from Let There Be Lighthouse, and made an even bigger ass of myself than I thought possible! Everyone thought I sounded really nervous, but I just tend to laugh when I talk…unless I’m pissed. Michelle Kenneth was also on the line. Enjoy!
I encountered several of the Flyers the night before their preseason game against the Leafs at the Air Canada Centre, and it was like the last six volatile months never happened. It felt like things were back to the way they were before Boston, and the trade deadline, and my insane quest for true love; almost as if it had all just been a very bad dream. Of course, time has a way of revealing its true measure, and in this case that measure was Scott Hartnell’s hair. His fro had grown to ridiculous lengths since my last Flyers game, and that made it painfully clear to me that half a year really had passed since I had turned my back on the boys in black and orange and went chasing a white rabbit to unfamiliar desert sands.
I also encountered one of the sources of my misery, and by that I mean the other end of the prophesized trade. I can’t lie. I did give him a bit of a menacing stare down. Seeing him for the first time in person made me wonder about what would have happened if things went differently on March 4th. I really believe that I was already naturally growing apart from the Flyers. Things were becoming monotonous and not in a good, comfortable way. If there is one positive thing to be said about my switch to Phoenix (until this point that is), it’s that the change awoken everything inside me. It rekindled that passion for hockey and for adventure which was sadly becoming routine.
Of course, not even preseason games will run smoothly for someone like me. You see, after I switched to Phoenix, it was like the door to Philly had locked behind me. At the end of last season, I tried multiple times to see the Flyers play, but external things kept standing in the way; a friend would pull out of wanting to go to the game, or an unexpected test would come up at school, or my aunt needed an emergency babysitter to watch her small ones. I’m not trying to read too much into anything, and I didn’t really think much about it back then, but wouldn’t you know that I’d start to feel a bit under the weather the minute the boys arrived in town. Now, a minor fever and sore throat were never enough to keep me from the rink, but a dead car will do it for sure.
This afternoon, as I was running out the door to head downtown for the game, I noticed that my car wasn’t responding to the remote entry. I didn’t think anything of it; I thought maybe I had stepped on it or something (you never know with me). So, I manually open the door, but, of course, the car is completely dead. So, I know it’s probably the battery, but how this could have happened, I had absolutely NO idea. My baby has automatic headlights, and even the interior lights turn on as soon as you pull the key out of the ignition, so there is really no need to turn anything on, let alone leave anything on. On top of it, the car is brand fucking new. I bought it a month ago. I haven’t even driven 2000 KM yet, so how could it be breaking down?
I was delayed over an hour waiting for roadside to give me the diagnosis. I was praying that something had somehow been left on, and that my ride was not a piece of crap. He’s too handsome to be crappy! Sure enough, the headlights were on. All I can deduce was that my purse or something hit the lights as I was leaving the car, because I definitely didn’t touch them. Even the roadside guy-man was making fun of me because I didn’t even know where the lights were located inside the car yet. I know what you’re thinking, but in my defense, almost immediately after I bought the car, I started production with that MTV movie! So, for the entire three weeks of production, I was solely driving a production car. I’ve really only had the last week to get better acquainted with him.
Anyway, we managed to get downtown with enough time to spare to grab some chicken wings on Front Street. The game was really exciting and physical for a preseason match up. No, Phil Kessel was not in the lineup! I was wearing my sparkly Flyers shirt for the first time since the 07-08 hockey season. Apparently, I never wore it once last year. Unfortunately, my fever was getting worse. I was stumbling around the concourse before the game started when, through my feverish haze, I began to hear a familiar song.
Aerosmith’s Living on the Edge was the theme song to that fateful final Flyers game in Boston. Everything that could have gone wrong on that trip did go wrong. I was searched at the border, my flight was cancelled, and I drove a rental car from Buffalo all the way to Boston in a blizzard. This song came on the radio three times during my hellish drive, which I found very fitting at the time since my back was sore from how tense and on edge I was. And this was two days BEFORE the trade deadline! Anyway, I hadn’t heard the song since that near death experience, and the reminder of it wasn’t welcomed.
On a more positive note, can I just say that I love preseason Leafs fans? They aren’t the same snooty crowd that frequent during the season, and they legitimately seem really grateful to just be there. Most season seat holders think preseason games are below them, so they more than willingly give away their exhibition games to their hockey starved friends. I don’t think I had ever heard the ACC as loud as it was tonight! At least not since the Leafs last made the playoffs.
However, there were some interesting characters in my section. Behind me, I seemed to have the cast of Dazed and Confused. Instead of watching the game they decided to watch the scoreboard and announce every time the clock hit 4:20. They also felt the need to brag about their ability to recite the lyrics to Fifty Mission Cap like that’s some kind of incredible feat. You’re at the Leafs rink, buddy, it’s pretty safe to say that we all know the words (hockey trivia) to that song.
In front of me there were two crazy Flyers fans that were suspiciously not wearing Flyers gear. They were those obnoxious fans that like to travel across multiple seats whenever their team scores. Anyway, when the Leafs tied up the game and forced sudden death, these two suddenly became true blue Leafers. When I saw this instant shift in alliance, I couldn’t help laughing, “Holy shit, these guys switch teams more often than I do!”
YAY, another music related Top 10 Tuesday! To clarify, this is the Top 10 list of SOME songs that I most associate with my hockey experience for whatever reason. Give me a break, I can’t control what my mind associates with random music. This is not a list of essential hockey songs or even essential road trip songs. This list doesn’t even mention some of the albums I never leave home without like, Guns N’ Roses (Appetite for Destruction), Metallica (black album), Kings of Leon (Only by the Night), Kanye West (Graduation), Nirvana (Unplugged in New York), Heart (The Essential Heart – didn’t see that one coming, did you?), just to name a few. You also won’t find bands that you are guaranteed to hear at the rink like Stompin’ Tom Connors, or, for Toronto fans, Nickelback to no end. Enjoy!
10. Chris Isaac – Wicked Games
In high school, normal people sit in class and pass notes to each other, but my friends were not normal people. My friends used to sit in class and draw pictures and make up “spicy stories” about the local junior hockey team. Between periods, they’d catch me in the hallway or by the lockers and give me their latest creations. I really don’t know what the motive behind these pictures was. Anyway, years later, living in Toronto, I was going through a box of my old trophies and awards, when I came across a blue folder. In it were dozens of pictures, and stories, and even a homemade flag that the girls had made for me back in grade eleven. Rereading the stories made me laugh because in some of the steamier scenes music was used to set the mood. Wicked Games by Chris Isaac was the most popular choice, but other tracks included, George Michael (Father Figure, Careless Whisper), and Smashing Pumpkins (Ava Adore, Eye).
9. Border Cross/Country
Back in the day, we used to have this tradition that involved us insuring that country music was on the second we crossed the border into the States for our hockey road trips. Not sure why, but I think as 19 year olds we reasoned that country music is American, and we were in America. Usually we played Gretchen Wilson’s Here for the Party, but eventually Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy (Big and Rich) became a popular choice, and even made it on to the Philly ’07 soundtrack. Which reminds me of a text conversation I had with my mom while I was in Calgary. Me: I see cowboys! Mom: Don’t save any horses.
8. Def Leppard, Hysteria
Back during the NHL Lock Out I had to resort to supporting the next best thing in the American Hockey League. On a trip to Cleveland, Ohio to see the, then, Barons take on the Milwaukee Admirals at the Quicken Loans Arena, I was already beginning to burn through my list of people willing to go on hockey trips with me. I had to resort to scouting from the bottom of the barrel, and by that I mean I had to take my sister (that’s right, Alex!). She was still in elementary school at the time, and in her Japanese phase. Thus, she would only listen to odd metal from Japan and nothing else. She even listened to it on her iPod while she miserably watched the hockey game – who does that!? (She had only come along because she wanted to go shopping.) Naturally, being the older sister, I had to make it my mission to irritate her mercilessly during the entire five hour car ride. This involved me fully blasting Def Leppard’s Hysteria while dramatically singing along and busting out the finest upper body dance moves you’ve ever seen. If that didn’t annoy her enough, I deviated from Def Leppard every once in a while to play My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas, and ONLY My Humps! Fave Tracks: Women, Pour Some Sugar on Me, Armageddon It
7. Justin Timberlake, Future Sex/Love Sounds
Justin always seems to be in the car whenever I need to flee a situation. Initially, this album reminds me of fleeing Nashville in a great haste after an unpleasant evening locked away (in fear) in my hotel room, after a would-be John attempted to do God-knows-what to me for a(hopefully very large) fee re: Will NOT have sex for carbs or money! I think it was in my attempt to make myself feel better after such a startling night that made me turn to Mr. Timberlake’s music until Nashville disappeared in my rearview mirror. Coincidentally, SexyBack seems to be the theme song to all of my hockey related dramas and shady activities. Fave Tracks: FutureSex/LoveSound, SexyBack, Chop Me Up
6. A Night at the Roxbury soundtrack
There was a time when this soundtrack never left my car. This was the time before I started flying to my further games, and would find myself driving for twelve plus hours overnight. Generally, I would listen to poppy, fun music when I needed to stay awake. Now I’m just so used to not sleeping that I could really listen to anything and be wired for weeks. One night around four AM, while we were en route to Milwaukee for an Admirals game, we approached a toll booth somewhere around Chicago with the soundtrack blaring. We were all really hyper! I’ll never forget the look on the toll worker’s face when he saw what appeared to be a skuzzy, mobile dance club pulling up to his window. Fave Tracks: This is Your Night, What is Love?, A Little Bit of Ecstasy.
5. Britney Spears, Blackout
Like most people, the first time I heard Blackout I thought it sounded like monotonous garbage. However, my friend insisted that it was actually good, and forced me to listen to it non-stop during a November 2007 road trip to Philadelphia. I have to admit that I quickly became addicted to Britney’s crazy period album, and am instantly reminded of the Flyers and life on the road the second I hear it. Consequentially, all Philly roadies were tag lined It’s Philly, Bitch after that trip (re: Gimme More). I even have a humourous misheard lyric from her song, Toy Soldier, that I cannot for the life of me sing correctly. The line is, “I’m like a fire bottle bustin’ in your face.” Except I don’t hear “fire bottle,” I hear “Flyer.” I know, so vile, right? Anyway, my co-pilots have also noticed that I drive faster when this song is on, and put the song on repeat whenever I have to hightail it to a game. Fave Tracks: Toy Soldier, Break the Ice, Gimme More, I Got A Plan (Get Naked), Perfect Lover (uh huh uh huh uh huh uh huuuuuuh)
4. Bush(X), Sixteen Stone
Sixteen Stone is one of those amazing albums that you completely forget about until you stumble upon it while going through your old CD collection. Back when Bush first began, they had copyright problems in Canada because a Canadian band named Bush already existed. For years, Bush was known as Bush X in Canada until the other band allowed them to have the name just prior to the release of their third album. I don’t know about you, but I personally think Bush X is WAY more bad ass, but whatever. I don’t know if it’s worth anything, but my copies of Sixteen Stone and Razorblade Suitcase have Bush X on them. Anyway, back to hockey. This album has left one of those vivid imprints on my memory that immediately makes me recall driving around Detroit (Big Beaver Road *Beavis and Butthead laugh*) for my very first NHL solo roadie to see the Preds take on the Red Wings in 2006. I was really nervous for that game, and the fact that I was by myself. It was another one of those big moments that changed the way my game was played forever. Fave Tracks: Everything Zen, Comedown, Little Things, Machinehead, Glycerine.
On our inaugural trip to Philadelphia, my friend made a two disc compilation in honour of the momentous occasion. The playlist included a variety of gems from Dick in a Box to Layla. However, she also included a few tracks that irritated me to no end like the one mentioned above. After our first game at Wachovia Center, we somehow found ourselves lost and on a continuous circuit around the airport. My friend decided to taunt me with Avril Lavigne’s Girlfriend which only contributed to the irritation level of the situation. It became the driving equivalent of circus music. Every time I saw the exit, I would miss it for some ridiculous reason. I quickly changed the lyrics to “Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like your airport! No way, no way, I think you need a new one!” After spending a good forty-five minutes trapped around the airport, Avril’s terrible song is probably the first song I think of when I remember my time in Philadelphia. P.S. How did I manage to miss this song in Top 10 Tuesday: Puck bunny music at the office?
2. Super Cool Junior Hockey Gangsta Mix
Growing up in Kitchener there are really only two things to do if you are underage – hang out at the Tim Horton’s and go cruising up and down King Street. Our post Rangers game tradition involved walking over to Timmy Ho’s on Ottawa, grabbing a hot chocolate and a toasted coconut donut, then heading out for a drive around town with the windows down and the “tunes” blasting! Of course, in high school, the only music worth blasting is intrusive “deep thug” (I coined that term). Such tracks included: Xzibit (Get Your Walk On), 50 Cent (In Da Club, If I Can’t), Nelly (Pimp Juice, On the Grind), Ludacris (Game Got Switched – I hate it when there are too many rookies, not enough pros!, Southern Hospitality), Cam’Ron (What Means the World to You), N.E.R.D (Lap Dance), etc. We would occasionally change up the pace and throw on a couple Nsync slow jams (This I Promise You) to embarrass ourselves. On one evening of post game cruising, we were being followed by another car which turned out to be carrying none other than the players themselves! Back then I was never one to back down from a challenge to race. That was before Ontario approved immediate loss of licence for reckless speeding, and I realized my whole hockey livelihood would be at risk! Needless to say, I smoked ‘em.
1. Coldplay, A Rush of Blood to the Head 
Milwaukee was my very first non-OHL road trip, and being a massive event for the future of my hockey addiction, its soundtrack is the most memorable. At the time, I was listening to a lot of Coldplay. That was long before the band started to irritate me with their new stuff – ugh, Viva La Vida and other douchey songs that make me want to slit my wrists. I do like Violet Hill, though. Anyway, Coldplay’s album, A Rush of Blood to the Head makes me immediately remember driving around the Brew on my off night in town while a massive snowstorm was just beginning (we ended up getting three feet that night). I can still see the snow swirling around on the pavement as if I were there right now in the dead of January. Perhaps, my memory of this night is so vivid for another reason. Maybe it was a foreshadow to my life that I’m supposed to remember. The night before, I saw my first game at the Bradley Center. The Admirals were taking on the San Antonio Rampage (now affiliated with the Phoenix Coyotes). The night after this incident, I saw my second and last game of the trip wherein the Ads played host to the Hamilton Bulldogs. Do you see the connection? I guess we’ll know more about this by week’s end! Fave Tracks: A Rush of Blood to the Head, The Scientist, Warning Sign.
Bonus Track: Arctic Monkeys – Do Me A Favour
It’s the beginning of the end. The car went up the hill and disappeared around the bend. This song was the overall theme song from the 08-09 hockey season. I was listening to it a lot after Christmas when I knew that I was going to switch teams to Phoenix at some point in the near future. Other awesome tracks by the Arctic Monkeys: 505, Teddy Picker, Still Take You Home, Dancing Shoes, Mardy Bum
I think a lot of hockey fans like to throw the term “hockey addict” around without really being at the addict level. An addiction is a problem. Like drugs or alcohol, it is difficult to control without help or intervention. For me, hockey is pretty much everything. I live for my next game. The waiting period between road trips often feels like limbo. I’m home, but I’m not really here. During my entire university career, hockey came before school, and pretty much everything else. Hockey is my loving husband, but he’s also the insensitive prick that teases me then keeps me waiting by the phone hoping that he’ll finally call me. I really believe that someday I will need to appear on Intervention in order to get over my cravings for puck. Perhaps some of you thought that I was joking when I called myself Psycho Lady. Anyway, with this entry I decided to put a monetary value on my hockey addiction. Ready? Brace yourself, here it comes! In the 2008-09 hockey season, I spent an estimated THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS on my hockey misadventures! OK, now that you’re completely disgusted, here’s my Top 10 Tuesday list for things I could buy if I wasn’t addicted to this wonderful game.
10. 2010 Toyota Prius
I’m sure the very first thing that came to your mind when I dropped the $30K bomb was that I could have bought a car with that. Trust me, I’ve been VERY aware of that fact for a very, very, very long time – particularly while I was car shopping this off season, and realized that I could have had a much nicer car if I didn’t have this life controlling addiction. Anyway, in the $30K price range, we have not just any car, but a virtuous third generation, industry leading hybrid. Of course, the catch 22 is that there is no point in having a fuel efficient hybrid, if you aren’t packing on the miles from taking her on far too many hockey road trips. Sorry, environment, this is one sacrifice I’m just not ready to make.
9. Law School Tuition (4 Semesters)
On another note, I could have used this money to expand my mind and my career. $30K would have covered my tuition for two years at Osgoode Hall Law School (one of the top, if not the top law school in Canada – alright, York U, we’ll give you this one!) Of course, hockey (being an addiction and all) pretty much screwed up any chance I had of furthering my education. Perhaps, I should have gone to class once in a while instead of spending my SIX (ahem) university years at hockey rinks across the continent (oops, and let’s not forget Switzerland – I was right in the middle of exams for that genius move*tee hee*).
8. Scandalous Vacation Avec Pool Boys
Check out this place! $30K would get me two weeks accommodation in the P-I-M-P penthouse at Las Ventanas al Paraiso in Los Cabos, Mexico for me and the two of the most scantily clad pool boys and/or struggling actors/waiters. I’d go alone, but you know…I need someone to keep me company while I’m having my Stars and Sea massage.
7. Oodles of Plastic Surgery 
My major discovery making this Top 10 list was learning that plastic surgery is actually pretty affordable. No wonder so many trash bag 20 year old, wannabe bikini models are able to get work done. Anyway, if I had saved my money from the 08-09 season alone, I could have undergone every necessary procedure needed to get boys to like me, including the fake boobs, lips, lipo, and botox. Plus, I’d still have enough money left over to keep a steady supply of peroxide on my roots for four years. See, I should have just done this, then bagged myself one of those idiot implant-totting hockey players so that I’d have unlimited hockey tickets for the rest of his career. BAH! Sometimes I just don’t think things through…
6. Licence to Stalk the Jonas Brothers
It’s hard for me to think of a life that didn’t involve me traveling from town to town stalking my favourite hockey team. So, let’s say I traded in my hockey tickets for something similar…like tickets for the Jonas Brothers’ concerts (cue 12 year old giney tickling scream). OK, this wouldn’t be my “band” of choice to stalk, but I’ve heard a lot of crazy stories about mothers taking their tween daughters all over the States trying to meet the Jonas Brothers. Anyway, last season’s hockey expenses would exchange for about 90 tickets to see the Jonas Brothers, or any major artist, perform live. P.S. If you didn’t get the “giney tickling” reference, then I am deeply saddened and disappointed in you.
5. Lap Dances and Chicken Wings
Mmm… I *heart* chicken wings…and mens (no, really, I said “mens” there.) $30K would buy me an endless supply of the spiciest chicken wings, and 500 lap dances from the finest man-strippers working the VIP floor at The Golden Banana. Yeehawwww!
4. Keeping the Ocean Safe 
With the money I spent on hockey last season, I’d be able to save the day in all three Jaws movies by paying that Quint guy off to kill the great white. Unfortunately, he was unavailable for hire after the first one, but whatever. $30K will get me “the head, the tail, the whole damn thing” three times over.
3. Living the Good Life in the Trailer Park
If TV has taught me anything, it’s that the trailer park is a pretty awesome and happening place. To put things in perspective, not only could I have afforded to buy a car last season, but I could have also bought a home. According to my half-assed research, my hockey money could have bought me the trailer as well as lot fees for three years! Maaf*ck, you know what I’m saaaaaaaaaayin?
2. 2010 Harley Davidson CVO Fat Bob (with the hellfire flames…yessss!)
Ohhh, baby! I think this one needs no explanation! Vrooooooooom! Now I’m sad, damn those pesky Coyotes!
1. Charitable Goodness 
On a more serious note, I could have made significant global strides if I gave my dirty hockey drug money to a prominent charity. I used to work for UNICEF Canada, so I’ll plug them a little here. A $30K donation to one of UNICEF’s global relief programs can provide emergency health kits with medical supplies and drugs to cover the basic health needs of 750 people for a year, or 3000 people for three months! Think of the children! So…do I have any volunteers to be my sponsor at Hockey Addicts Anonymous, yet?
