hockey addicts « Psycho Lady Hockey

hockey addicts Category

Friday, September 4th, 2009

Dawn Approaches: Marriage counseling & other updates.

It’s hard to believe that the twilight of the offseason is almost over, and preseason puck is only days away! I don’t know about you, but it still feels like August to me! Alas, hockey and I have been having some problems with our marriage, and the 2009-10 season is expected to be a very difficult one for us.

Last season, our relationship took a devastating turn in the final stretch. Perhaps there were too many games both on and off the ice, but careless words and empty ultimatums were thrown around in the heat of the moment. Like any wife, I feel that hockey takes me for granted sometimes. He’s forgotten that my support is not some unwavering and unconditional thing. He seems to think that I’ll just be there for him no matter what he does or no matter how it puts me out. He doesn’t appreciate the effort on my part, like turning my life upside down, or dropping everything to fly to Anaheim and beyond.

I spent the greater part of the offseason trying to work through our problems. Naturally, this was mostly a one-sided effort on my part. Hockey liked things the way they were. He didn’t want to have to pick up the phone or get on his knees and plant tulips…er…beg me to stay. No, hockey is satisfied in knowing that I’ll be rinkside until death do us part.

Of course, this made things difficult in terms of planning out the 09-10 season. Nevertheless, I’ve decided to stay the course with Phoenix for my first two regular season games this year in Pittsburgh (October 7th) and Buffalo (October 8th), after that it will all depend on how unpleasant those games were. However, after hearing about the Taylor Pyatt signing in the desert, I am more enthusiastic about this decision! My body temperature actually rose 3oF when I read the news! Hopefully, Gretzky keeps him off the Lombardi line because I might faint from too much man if they are together. Tell the Mellon Arena staff to keep a paramedic on hand for me just in case!

Anyway, team selection is not the only potential obstacle threatening our marriage this season. It is looking more and more likely that I will be moving to Kamloops, British Columbia at some point early on in the season. This move will put a definite strain on my marriage. I’ll be moving from the hub of hockey, to a place where the closest NHL team is three hours away, and the second closest is seven! It’s a good thing I anticipated the switch to Phoenix at Christmas and made sure I had those Aeroplan cards set up! Guess I’ll be brushing up on the WHL while I’m there. Either way, the uncertainty of my home base is making our relationship rocky right now, even if I do decide to stay here in the long run for whatever reason like, I don’t know, an NHL team in Hamilton!

Now on to other things…

Welcome, Sweden!

The Psycho Lady Hockey universe has expanded again, and I’ve noticed that I’ve developed quite a strong and regular readership in Sweden! I’ve even found write ups in Swedish that I had to run through the old FreeTranslation.com in order to understand. So, I’d just like to take a moment to formally welcome my new readers from across the Atlantic! I guess I’m going to have to start reading up on the Swedish Elite League.

Confessions of a Hockey Addict Through the Worst Photography You’ve Ever Seen [08-09 Edition]

I’ve been feeling like a slacker lately since most of my recent entries have been lists and photo albums! It’s the offseason, so what can you do! Anyway, if you’ve been waiting with bated breath for the 08-09 edition, then fear not, it is on its way. I am currently waiting on some pictures taken at the infamous Pittsburgh game last season. These pictures have not seen the light of day, as they were from such a mess of an evening. Currently, they are still on my friend’s camera which is buried in a moving box in London, ON. As soon as she gets them to me, I’ll post the final installment (until next summer). That is, of course, only if the pictures are appropriate! Perhaps, I should recite the “morning after” conversation to remind you of what happened that night.

Me: OK *notices headache,*this is what I don’t remember. I don’t remember paying at the bar, and I don’t remember going to sleep.
Friend: Well after you started giving [Pittsburgh Penguin] shit for having a teenstache…
Me: I didn’t say that to his face!
Friend: Oh, yes, you did. You should have seen the look on his face *imitates look on his face.* Then Britney Spears paid at the bar, and we went on one of the tour buses.
Me: Oh yeah, I remember the bus.
Friend: Yes, then we came back here. One minute you were sitting on the chair, the next minute I look over and you were on the floor.
Me: Are you kidding me?
Friend: Oh no. I had to fireman pull you into bed and put your pajamas on.
Me: *notices missing bra*
Friend: Yup, your boobs were everywhere.

For the record, I had just flown in from Anaheim and I was still traumatized from the experience! I don’t drink normally, and apparently have no tolerance for it LOL. Until next time…keep your stick on the ice!

Posted in NHL 2009-10 Schedule, Phoenix Coyotes, Pittsburgh Penguins, Sweden, Taylor Pyatt, hockey addicts, road trips | 4 Comments »

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

Top 10 Tuesday: Nice things I could have if I wasn’t addicted to hockey!

I think a lot of hockey fans like to throw the term “hockey addict” around without really being at the addict level. An addiction is a problem. Like drugs or alcohol, it is difficult to control without help or intervention. For me, hockey is pretty much everything. I live for my next game. The waiting period between road trips often feels like limbo. I’m home, but I’m not really here. During my entire university career, hockey came before school, and pretty much everything else. Hockey is my loving husband, but he’s also the insensitive prick that teases me then keeps me waiting by the phone hoping that he’ll finally call me. I really believe that someday I will need to appear on Intervention in order to get over my cravings for puck. Perhaps some of you thought that I was joking when I called myself Psycho Lady. Anyway, with this entry I decided to put a monetary value on my hockey addiction. Ready? Brace yourself, here it comes! In the 2008-09 hockey season, I spent an estimated THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS on my hockey misadventures! OK, now that you’re completely disgusted, here’s my Top 10 Tuesday list for things I could buy if I wasn’t addicted to this wonderful game.

10. 2010 Toyota Prius

I’m sure the very first thing that came to your mind when I dropped the $30K bomb was that I could have bought a car with that. Trust me, I’ve been VERY aware of that fact for a very, very, very long time – particularly while I was car shopping this off season, and realized that I could have had a much nicer car if I didn’t have this life controlling addiction. Anyway, in the $30K price range, we have not just any car, but a virtuous third generation, industry leading hybrid. Of course, the catch 22 is that there is no point in having a fuel efficient hybrid, if you aren’t packing on the miles from taking her on far too many hockey road trips. Sorry, environment, this is one sacrifice I’m just not ready to make.

9. Law School Tuition (4 Semesters)

On another note, I could have used this money to expand my mind and my career. $30K would have covered my tuition for two years at Osgoode Hall Law School (one of the top, if not the top law school in Canada – alright, York U, we’ll give you this one!) Of course, hockey (being an addiction and all) pretty much screwed up any chance I had of furthering my education. Perhaps, I should have gone to class once in a while instead of spending my SIX (ahem) university years at hockey rinks across the continent (oops, and let’s not forget Switzerland – I was right in the middle of exams for that genius move*tee hee*).

8. Scandalous Vacation Avec Pool Boys

Check out this place! $30K would get me two weeks accommodation in the P-I-M-P penthouse at Las Ventanas al Paraiso in Los Cabos, Mexico for me and the two of the most scantily clad pool boys and/or struggling actors/waiters. I’d go alone, but you know…I need someone to keep me company while I’m having my Stars and Sea massage.

7. Oodles of Plastic Surgery

My major discovery making this Top 10 list was learning that plastic surgery is actually pretty affordable. No wonder so many trash bag 20 year old, wannabe bikini models are able to get work done. Anyway, if I had saved my money from the 08-09 season alone, I could have undergone every necessary procedure needed to get boys to like me, including the fake boobs, lips, lipo, and botox. Plus, I’d still have enough money left over to keep a steady supply of peroxide on my roots for four years. See, I should have just done this, then bagged myself one of those idiot implant-totting hockey players so that I’d have unlimited hockey tickets for the rest of his career. BAH! Sometimes I just don’t think things through…

6. Licence to Stalk the Jonas Brothers

It’s hard for me to think of a life that didn’t involve me traveling from town to town stalking my favourite hockey team. So, let’s say I traded in my hockey tickets for something similar…like tickets for the Jonas Brothers’ concerts (cue 12 year old giney tickling scream). OK, this wouldn’t be my “band” of choice to stalk, but I’ve heard a lot of crazy stories about mothers taking their tween daughters all over the States trying to meet the Jonas Brothers. Anyway, last season’s hockey expenses would exchange for about 90 tickets to see the Jonas Brothers, or any major artist, perform live. P.S. If you didn’t get the “giney tickling” reference, then I am deeply saddened and disappointed in you.

5. Lap Dances and Chicken Wings

Mmm… I *heart* chicken wings…and mens (no, really, I said “mens” there.) $30K would buy me an endless supply of the spiciest chicken wings, and 500 lap dances from the finest man-strippers working the VIP floor at The Golden Banana. Yeehawwww!

4. Keeping the Ocean Safe

With the money I spent on hockey last season, I’d be able to save the day in all three Jaws movies by paying that Quint guy off to kill the great white. Unfortunately, he was unavailable for hire after the first one, but whatever. $30K will get me “the head, the tail, the whole damn thing” three times over.

3. Living the Good Life in the Trailer Park
If TV has taught me anything, it’s that the trailer park is a pretty awesome and happening place. To put things in perspective, not only could I have afforded to buy a car last season, but I could have also bought a home. According to my half-assed research, my hockey money could have bought me the trailer as well as lot fees for three years! Maaf*ck, you know what I’m saaaaaaaaaayin?

2. 2010 Harley Davidson CVO Fat Bob (with the hellfire flames…yessss!)

Ohhh, baby! I think this one needs no explanation! Vrooooooooom! Now I’m sad, damn those pesky Coyotes!

1. Charitable Goodness

On a more serious note, I could have made significant global strides if I gave my dirty hockey drug money to a prominent charity. I used to work for UNICEF Canada, so I’ll plug them a little here. A $30K donation to one of UNICEF’s global relief programs can provide emergency health kits with medical supplies and drugs to cover the basic health needs of 750 people for a year, or 3000 people for three months! Think of the children! So…do I have any volunteers to be my sponsor at Hockey Addicts Anonymous, yet?

Posted in Top 10 Tuesday, female hockey fans, hockey addicts, hockey fans | 4 Comments »

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

Confessions of a Hockey Addict Through the Worst Photography You’ve Ever Seen [07-08 Edition]

I know you’ve all been “eagerly” anticipating the 07-08 edition… right??? Well, good news! The wait is finally over! Get excited! Sorry for making you sweat like that! Anyway, the depression I felt reminiscing in the 06-07 edition has finally lifted and shifted to sincere excitement and evil scheming (I secured my first regular season tickets yesterday – be afraid!). In 07-08, I was another year older and another year wiser. At 22, I was finally starting to get this pro hockey thing nailed down, which could only amount to one thing – trouble. Once more, this entry only looks at SOME of my favourite hockey moments as captured by terrible camera work. After all, they can’t all be Kodak moments. Enjoy, and rest assured that there are no pictures of bloodied beds in this edition! Top Photo: Having a sexy party in the mock Habs dressing room at the Hockey Hall of Fame.

Coyotes @ Leafs. Apparently, I declared my allegiance two years ago. What do you think, can I pull off a switch back to Blue?

She’s mad because we had some ticket related drama in Ottawa. Our EBAY tickets never showed up in the mail. I decided to spew some professional sounding bullshit to the Scotiabank Place managers…

…They ended up seeing things my way! La la la la la la

The Walk of Shame, SHAME, SHAAAAAAAAAME!!

She’s not spying…the Flyers just happened to be below this window…

Inappropriate game signage at Wachovia Center.

Eagles game. Freezing rain. Unpleasantness. My eye balls actually froze! Should have known better than to deviate from the more superior sport!

Call the Hardy Boys! Still haven’t solved the mystery of what this sign is actually supposed to say.

He is attempting to demonstrate the Ice Girls’ dance routine. Move #1.

Move #2. That’s pretty much the extent of it…seriously.

Boston Pizza. Had to bust out, what I have coined, “Nashville driving” to get to Buffalo on time. My friend had to resort to manually stuffing pizza in my face so that I could maintain my illegal driving speed and maneuvers. When we finally arrived, we sprinted in heels to get to the rink. The parking lot staff applauded us for our effort.

I spent the entirety of the game cat calling him, and referring to him as Big Daddy. My friend was embarrassed.

Oh, yes…make sure to really work the groin…

A stoppage in play for a spicy make out session – oh, my!

Lurking around the Hockey Hall of Fame. Some 16 year old kid behind us…*evil laugh*

Undercover crappy cell phone pic. Dessert courtesy of Coach DILF…err… John Stevens. P-I-M-P!

Texting/Gilmour combination. This may not look like much, but this is probably the most scandalous hockey picture that I possess. I’ll let you try to figure that one out on your own.

Undercover crappy cell phone pic #2! It’s amazing what a little shimmying can get you.

Angry lady sighting. She spent the entire game complaining (to her identical sister) about the cheerleaders, and my friend and I hahaha! “OMG, don’t let your son look at those ugly dancing whores!” I like her style.

Smuggling goods back into Canada. My precious.

The Sketch Factory of Philadelphia. We always wanted to stay there for the sheer sketchiness of it, but we never did – SAD! I miss Philly.

Let us take another moment to honour the playoff groin stretch (purrrrrr!)

Taming the Infamous Flyers Fans 101. We used to work together at MLSE, so naturally he had to turn around and ask me why I was wearing a Flyers shirt with total disgust on his face. After that, the Philly fans in my section were no longer hostile toward the Canadiens. Instead they tried to use me to get them game pucks.

Our free $5 program for the Kitchener Rangers alumni game (Mem Cup 2008). We wanted to get our hands on the roster, but the hooker working at The Aud claimed that we had to buy the program first. Later we saw non-hookers passing them out for free…but it was too late. Quote of the night: (random high school bump in) “Whoa, why does Mike Richards keep staring at you?” (my friend) “She goes to a lot of Flyers game.” Bet he thought he had it all figured out – FAIL! Other NHL notables on the roster: Scott Stevens, Derek Roy, David Clarkson, Gregory Campbell, and Steve Eminger.

The Stanley Cup Finals and my birthday have arrived again – lovingly displaying one of my well thought out gifts, the Worst Case Scenario Sex Kit. I don’t care what Playboy says, don’t date a hockey player without one of these! The end.

Stay tuned for the 08-09 Edition of Confessions of a Hockey Addict Through the Worst Photography You’ve Ever Seen.

Posted in Philadelphia Flyers, female hockey fans, hockey addicts, hockey fans, hockey games, road trips | 6 Comments »

Monday, August 24th, 2009

Power Play explained.

I’m just going to tell you right now that this entry is not about me explaining the power play. I expect, nay, DEMAND, that my readers are crazy enough about our beloved sport not to require an online version of Hockey for Dummies! Moving on…

Today I started my first day in production for a new MTV movie currently filming in Toronto and Hamilton. Don’t get excited, this movie is completely unrelated from my hockey projects – sorry to kill the moment for you. Anyway, if you can believe it I’m still “working,” and need to kill some time while this day of endless filming carries on into the night. I am going to share my hockey moment of the day in this very brief, and possibly very boring, entry, so that I can feel like I am being productive while I sit in my little chair and drink my diet Coke.

Perhaps it was the fact that I decided to wear my sparkly Detroit Red Wings shirt to work today, but the lunch time (we had Greek – mmm!) conversation inevitably turned to my love of the game. With my luck and history, you can imagine that MY boss would naturally reveal that she, too, has worked on hockey shows in the past. Recently, in The Phoenix saga continues, I cited the Canadian television series Power Play. Here’s a refresher in case you forgot:

According to the Canadian TV show, Power Play (a show revolving around the dealings of a mock NHL team, the Hamilton Steelheads), Hamilton is a small hockey market. Not sure what the writers of that show were on.

I obviously admitted to watching the show and referencing it in my blog. If you know anything about me by now, then you’ll know that I didn’t shy away from reiterating exactly what I just quoted above when she asked me what I said about it. I explained how I compared it to the current Coyotes situation, and how Hamilton/Southern Ontario is not the small hockey market as mentioned in the show. Except I definitely said, “I’m not sure what the writers were on, BUT…”

My boss attempted to brainstorm an explanation for Hamilton being labeled “small time” in the show, and deduced that it must have been the protagonist’s American mindset that anything not American is small time in comparison. Hmm, it’s a good theory, but seems doubtful. After all, even the greatest Phoenix Coyotes fans know that Hamilton is a massive market worth far more than the value Jim Balsillie has attempted to purchase it for. And I think it is common knowledge to even the Garriest of Bettmans that the Toronto Maple Leafs are the financial superpower of the National Hockey League (because you know they aren’t the superpower of anything else). My feeling is that the likelier reason for Power Play to claim that Hamilton is a small hockey market is, to quote a producer I was working with, that, “TV writers are not jocks, that’s why sports shows are often fairly inaccurate.” To be fair, I can see their reasoning – I mean it IS dirty Hamilton!

Anyway, that’s my hockey story for today! Hopefully, the calls from distressed actors fretting that they were not scheduled in for enough hair time will cease for long enough tomorrow for me to have another action packed (sarcasm) hockey moment to share with you. Better wear my Flyers shirt just in case. P.S. Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about the 07-08 edition of Confessions of a Hockey Addict through the Worst Photography You’ve Ever Seen.

Posted in Power Play, hockey, hockey addicts, hockey fans, late night at the office | 2 Comments »

Saturday, August 22nd, 2009

Confessions of a Hockey Addict Through the Worst Photography You’ve Ever Seen [06-07 Edition]

The other day I was going through my hockey albums on Facebook, and it made me terribly sad. Sad that the preseason is still a month away, and sad because I miss adventure and the Flyers. I decided to put together a compilation of some of my favourite horribly photographed memories from hockey seasons past, and let them tell you some of my deepest secrets like only they can. Today we look at SOME (and I do stress the word) of my hockey confessions from the 2006-07 season as a 21 year old reeking havoc on the hockey community. I hope you enjoy your glimpse into my hockey obsessed (and tortured) soul, and that these pictures can make you laugh as much as I do! P.S. If you must know what I’m doing in this picture, I am aggressively singing old school New Kids on the Block (Hangin’ Tough) haha!

Irritating the good people at Copps Coliseum with my “colourful” play by play of the Milwaukee Admirals game. Apparently gratuitous use of “giant douche” is offensive.

My buddy, Jeff, was there, too – rocking the cheese hat. That’s right I don’t rotate my pics!

Reminiscing. The scent of threatened virginity still lingers in the air.

First trip to HSBC Arena. That cement barrier is awfully close for someone not paying attention to the road! My hair was butchered the month before, can you tell? Grr!

Undercover crappy cell phone pic. Can you guess which player this is?

Dedication: attending a hockey game with a fever of 102 degrees. Addiction: attending a Leafs game with a fever of 102 degrees.

Driving through a snow storm in the middle of the night. We pulled over and rolled down the window to take a picture of the state sign, only to discover that the window froze in the open position.

First game at Wachovia Center – awww! Nearly missed the warm up! You should have seen the driving/sprinting across the parking lot.

Let us pause a moment to honour the groin stretch. (wooo!)

More proof of my badassity: the sign said, “Do NOT wear sunglasses in tunnel.“

We were obsessed with taking a picture of Drinker Street. I don’t know why…

We had a hefty bar tab in Ottawa…she mistook this picture for Jason Spezza.

She saw us trying to take a picture of the bench and decided to pose (no, we’re not creepy enough to go around taking pictures of random kids). Periodically, she would turn to us, point to her jersey and say, “I love the Sens, I love the Sens.” Her name is Sofie, and she is probably no longer this cute.

Proudly displaying the blood I got all over the hotel bed in Ottawa. Don’t get excited, I was not deflowered by an Ottawa Senator…

…I was injured.

The Leafs resort to their only line of defense against the Flyers.

I am the antithesis of Patrick Kane. This Edmonton cabbie said that we were his favourites. Note: consumed three bottles of champagne before this picture was taken.

This random creeper from Calgary wanted to be in a picture with us. Notice the appropriate jersey.

suuuuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! That’s what I’m talking about!

The hotel screwed up and we only had one bed. Apparently I’m not good enough to snuggle with. P.S. Taking pictures of her sleeping is my thing.

Ooh la la, did one of us have fun in Edmonton?

…Oh, yes! The end. Stay tuned for the 07-08 Edition of Confessions of a Hockey Addict!

Posted in Philadelphia Flyers, female hockey fans, hockey addicts, hockey fans, hockey games, road trips | No Comments »

Psycho Lady: That does sound good! And Nashville is definitely ...
Sinbin: Girl, I've been there and back, so trust me, I kno...
Psycho Lady: It only counts if I've been there for a game. If i...
T: You should try and hit the last 4 arenas to see a ...
Jim: Well this is interesting, guess you have to do wha...