As long as there have been hockey players, there have been hockey wives and the entire female population to make them feel threatened. Female hockey fans and puck bunnies alike have been continuously accosted by these murderous hounds for no apparent reason other than the fact that they possess the same anatomy.
Hockey wives and girlfriends (WAGs) are at the root of the negative publicity surrounding hockey players. We all know that the players never have the chance to see the ugly/real side of their WAG’s personality, or at least we hope they don’t, because if they do, well, what does that say about them!? For some reason these women feel the need to spend their time wandering around the arena harassing paying customers that are there to support their pay cheques…I mean husbands. I wonder what the head honchos of the National league clubs would have to say to that bit of truth. Perhaps, in the interest of customer service, they’d lock the doors to the wives lounge and keep the beasts in their cage until the games are over.
I have dealt with WAG conflicts since my high school days in the OHL. Back then the girlfriends were no different than the puck bunnies that would follow you around and try to figure out if you had a better chance with such and such player than they did. But let’s not dwell too much on these girls. They were, after all, still children, and deserve a second chance. Besides, about 90% of their prized possessions didn’t make it anywhere worth mentioning, which in retrospect makes their anger all the more humorous.
It is at the NHL level that this behaviour becomes both shocking and pathetic. A couple seasons ago, we were sitting in the players’ seats, and the wives were a stones throw away from us and about a row or two in front of us. For some reason, these “women” felt that it was their duty to stare threateningly back at us (constantly) and whisper in panic amongst themselves. At dinner, later that night, the show continued. The WAGs decided to put on a slut parade. They were grinding up against each other (right in front of the table) while staring at us (the girls, not the men) in the same menacing way as they did at the rink. Were they challenging us to a dance off?! One of the crazier WAGs actually made a big scene and forced her man to leave because he was sitting next to me. What is it that these guys see in these girls? Is it their fake boobs, fake tans, fake personalities or is it the culminating trifecta resulting in full blown stupid blonde syndrome that gets them hot and bothered? I’ll never know.
Another memorable incident occurred in Detroit at a Red Wings/Predators match up. I was confronted by a group of five or six WAGs as I went up to the main concourse during one of the intermissions. This special group of prized pigs felt it was in their best interest to stalk me while “criticizing” everything about my appearance. The interesting thing about their criticism was that it wasn’t actually negative – it was only intended in that way. They said things about my hair and clothes being too nice. The players will see me and make fun of me for that, apparently. So, I’m not allowed to go to a hockey game unless I spill mustard all over myself and put a bag over my head? That’s nice. This was the night of the infamous, “She looks like a GIRLFRIEND!” remark. According to them, I was trying to look like I “knew someone” but I didn’t actually know anyone…whatever that is supposed to mean. Here I am directly contributing to their husbands’ careers, WITHOUT the luxury of having my millionaire husband’s disposable income, and I can’t buy my Dippin’ Dots in peace?! This is outrageous. In fact, now I’m starting to question why I go to hockey games at all. I don’t want to contribute to the advancement of these heinous bimbos reign of terror.
And it’s not JUST at the arena that the WAGs feel threatened – it’s EVERYWHERE! During one of my trips to Philadelphia last season, I crossed paths with a WAG while I was walking around downtown. This time the players are not around or within viewing distance of me, and she was still set off. Every woman is a potential threat – even when the men-folk aren’t around? That’s healthy.
Maybe we are too harsh in looking down upon the hockey WAGs. Perhaps, there is a reason for their constant anger and aggressiveness. Perhaps their relationships are somewhat abusive and they make themselves crazy wondering what their men are doing behind their backs. Even so, I personally find it difficult to respect the men in this league that are happy to go home to Mrs. Hyde every night. But that’s just me. Of course, not all WAGs are like this, but most seem to be.
After being continuously stalked, harassed, and abused by the Louis Vuitton toting hockey WAGs of leagues across the continent, the label has been completely cheapened in my eyes – it costs a lot of money to look that trashy! Now I automatically associate Louis V. with alcoholism, peroxide, sunless tanning, moron mouth, and implants. Not that it really matters – I’m of the Burberry persuasion. Louis Vuitton is for pitbulls. Burberry is for ladies.