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July, 2010

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Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

BizNasty on Twitter withdrawal, raising money for the homeless, and his Speedo.

Phoenix Coyote, Paul Bissonnette was quickly becoming the most popular and enjoyable NHL player on Twitter. He had his followers hooked and evidently dependent on his huge personality and completely uncensored wit. But then tragedy struck, and @PaulBizNasty vanished under the gavel of political correctness. The fans were devastated to say the least, but perhaps not more than Mr. BizNasty himself. Recently, and by that I mean, just now, Paul explained to Psycho Lady Hockey how he’s been coping with the loss of Twitter, starting up a new charity in Phoenix, and plotting to make his glorious return to the realm of 140 characters. So, read on and get your @PaulBizNasty fix here! Enjoy!

Psycho Lady Hockey: Before we get into this whole Twitter thing, what have you been up to over the off season? Anything scandalous?

Paul “BizNasty” Bissonnette: The off season has been good. The way most guys do it is when the season ends they take about 4 to 5 weeks off. No training, no working out, just relaxing. I also take that approach, maybe to a different level. I went to Vegas with four teammates a week after our season had ended, and had a blast. I wore a Speedo at all the pool parties. That started a rumor on the net – not true. After Vegas I came back to Phoenix for another 3 weeks and partied and golfed. When it was time to go, I packed my truck and drove back to Canada with Taylor Pyatt. All the ladies reading this probably just got wet [Psycho Lady: I actually did!]. Then when I got home I started training Monday through Friday. On the weekends is when I have my fun in the off season. I go to Toronto, I went back to Vegas *laughs,* London, Ontario, and Muskoka. As for the rest of summer, August is quiet. I’ll skate 3 times a week and train. I go back to Phoenix in late August.

Psycho: Aww you just made me homesick! So what happened with your Twitter account exactly? Are you planning a comeback?

BizNasty: The reason I had to delete my account was because my agent was worried about the Kovi comment. I understand where he’s comin’ from. I had a lot of fans laughing, and it was all in good fun, but some people take things to heart – whatever. I’m gonna lay off Twitter, but plan on coming back early in the season with an account. The fans need it.

Psycho: That’s great! But will you have to make changes to the way you tweet to ensure that your new account is more permanent?

BizNasty: As far as toning down my tweets, I’ll say, “Yeah,” but probably not.

Psycho: Hahaha excellent! OK, can you talk a little bit about your new #freebiznasty campaign for the homeless?

BizNasty: The #freebiznasty campaign is a “charity” that I’m starting, very small, for the homeless. If you followed me on Twitter, you would know how much I love the homeless. I buy them food when I see them. Usually try not to give them money ‘cause homeless people tend to hit the booze. Basically, I do it because they live a hard life on the street. We don’t know their story and their struggles. So, help them out, baby!

Psycho: Wow that’s awesome. The shirts are great, by the way. So, why do you think @PaulBizNasty was so popular with the hockey community on Twitter?

BizNasty: Why do I think mine was popular? Because I put myself out there. I know if I was a fan, I’d wanna see the cool stuff that athletes do with their leisure time. I have fun with showing the crazy shit that I do.

Psycho: Very true. I’m sure most fans get bored reading about the morning skate every day. Well, we all know that your fans are suffering from @PaulBizNasty withdrawal, but how are you coping with the lack of Twitter? Are there any particular accounts that you miss following?

BizNasty: It blows. I’ve had so much funny stuff that has happened since. I still take pictures just in case, but it’s not the same without it. It’s like I lost my first child *laughs.* I didn’t really have a favourite Twitter to follow. I didn’t find anyone’s entertaining enough. I found it way better having fans tweet me directly telling me to check out cool websites like dontevenreply.com. I love that site now. The fans would tell me to check stuff out all the time. It was a two way street.

Psycho: Since you won’t be back on Twitter for another month or so, can I get a @PaulBizNasty style tweet for your fans and followers who are still having the shakes over the loss?

BizNasty:

Thanks to Mr. BizNasty for sharing his sparkling personality with me. Fans who are still trembling on the bathroom floor because Paul is not on Twitter, can dust off the old Facebook machine and connect with him that way. Click here to add him as a friend on the Face. Also, make sure you check out saucehockey.com to order your BizNasty T-shirts in support of the #freebiznasty campaign. I want one. Does anyone know if they will ship to Korea?!

Top Photo: When I think Paul Bissonnette, I think black water manties. You’re welcome, ladies!

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Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

Top 10 Tuesday: NHL personalities that should have Twitter.

I was inspired by the Sean Avery and Paul Bissonnette incidents to run a Top 10 list of NHL personalities that I feel should have Twitter, but don’t. Now, the last time I checked, I was still in Korea. Wait…let me look again. Yup. There is a distinct fishy squid smell out on the street. So, it is very likely that one or more of the people on this list have made Twitter accounts, and I was just unaware due to that fact that most of you in NHL land tweet while I’m asleep. Please let me know if they do, so I can add them to my Twitter list of NHL Pimps. Enjoy!

10. Mark Messier

Chip? In theory Messier would be a very colourful addition to Twitter, but I fear that the Moose is too much of an iconic figure not to be severely disciplined by the muzzle of NHL censorship. But on the other hand…Twitter, bet you can’t tweet just once!

9. Maxim Lapierre & Antoine Vermette

Purely cosmetic additions to the Twitter world. These two would unlikely do a great service to the hockey “tweep” community unless they were to get a little trigger happy with the TweetPhoto application. Gots ta love those French-Canadian mens.

8. Ray Ferraro

With on air statements about sticking fingers in dykes, Ray Ferraro is quickly becoming the new generation of Pierre McGuire-esque colour commentators. One can only assume he’d be able to deliver similar gems in 140 characters or less.

7. Don Cherry

I can see it all now, Don Cherry’s online Twitter hockey tutorial for the kids at home! 140 characters, no 5 second time delay.

6. Jeremy Roenick

Jeremy Roenick has one of the biggest personalities in the hockey community, so one can only hope that he’d bring his presence to the Twitter realm. However, I think JR might fall under the same hypothetical influence as Mark Messier.

5. Scott Hartnell

Scott Hartnell always knows just what to say whether he’s at the breakfast table, or warming up for a game. It’s a guarantee that his Twitter feed would be non-stop hilarious, so long as he doesn’t fall into the game day tweet pattern as so many nondescript NHL accounts before him.

4. Pierre McGuire

Yes, I am aware that there was a fake Pierre McGuire Twitter account, and there is even a hilarious @ShitMcGuireSays feed as well, but one can only assume that the imposters wouldn’t have shit on the real deal.

3. Bobby Ryan & Ryan Getzlaf

I mean, come on, have you seen this?!

2. Paul Bissonnette

Bissonnette was strong-armed into deactivating his insanely popular Twitter account @paulbiznasty, and his fans are still devastated by the loss. @paulbiznasty gave fans an insight into what an NHL player REALLY does on a day to day basis without all the sugarcoated BS we are fed from the other NHL accounts. We can only hope that he’ll be up and running again soon. Since his deactivation, Bissonnette has mounted a Twitter inspired campaign to raise money for a homeless shelter in Phoenix. Click here to buy one of his saucy T-shirts!

1. Sean Avery

As I mentioned before, if one NHL player NEEDED to be on Twitter, it’s Sean Avery. And I’m not referring to the entertainment of the fans online either, Avery gave up his best promotional tool when he shut down his account. Therefore, I decided to keep his account warm for him, and resurrected @seanaveryd0tcom. I do not pretend to be Sean Avery, but instead try to provide the public with tweets of his quality. Follow me! I have big things planned *grins.* More to come on this later. P.S. No, I’m not a Sean Avery super fan!

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Sunday, July 25th, 2010

Sean Avery is SO over Twitter!

Somebody call Vogue Magazine and let them know that Twitter is no longer cool according to their one time fashion intern, NHL forward, Sean Avery. Recently, Avery proclaimed that he was “so done” with the social network, and within minutes deleted his account @seanaverydotcom. Sadly, I missed all the excitement as I’m 13 hours ahead of New York City. You screwed me again, Korea! *shakes fist* (I wasn’t actually following him, though, but I would check in from time to time). So, if you were wondering why Sean hasn’t been showing up in your Tweet feed lately, now you know!

Avery is no stranger to controversy. He has received a lot of bad press for his outlandish statements and actions both on and off the ice. However, given that he has numerous non-hockey ventures that he should be promoting to the public, such as, his website, and his Tribeca area restaurant, Warren 77, Avery’s decision to delete his account on the best social networking site on the web is clearly as poorly thought out as his decision to step in front of the cameras at the Saddledome in Calgary back in the 2008-09 season. But whether he’s freaking out over Twitter or his sloppy seconds, no Sean Avery style dick move/melt down would be complete without comedic benefits.

It’s hard to say what pushed Sean over the edge to the point of deleting his Twitter account, but I would say that it’s a safe bet that he was fed up with the smack talk from his anti-fan followers. You would think that if any hockey player in the National Hockey League would have thick skin, it would be Sean Avery. After all, he made a name for himself as the biggest pest in the game, and, quite frankly, one could argue that his saucy mouth is what keeps him both a fan favourite, and gainfully employed in the NHL. Of course, there are a lot of irritating “self-righteous fans” out there that turn up their noses whenever a player gets his hands dirty with an on ice brawl, or off ice foul; irrational people who believe that hockey players are upstanding men in pastel cardigans with no hair on their balls. Naturally, these fans would not think too highly of Mr. Avery, and by putting himself in the public domain with Twitter and his website, well, like all athletes, he opened up the floodgates for optimal dick access (that’s what she said). A lot of sports fans like to make themselves feel important by calling out athletes from the safety of their PC, so it’s not surprising that Avery of all people would get an F-tonne of smack. However, as I mentioned before, the shocking thing is that Mr. Chirpy McChirpington himself couldn’t handle the abuse from his anti-fans (read: nobodies), when he likely encounters the same treatment from his opponents on a regular basis.

This is why I am slightly skeptical that online bullying is really what pushed this fashion conscious tough guy over the edge. Perhaps, Avery was saving face. Perhaps, he didn’t like that “real” celebrities have follower numbers in the six and seven digits, and he couldn’t get past four. Perhaps, “something” deteriorated in his personal life, and he couldn’t take back the tweet-evidence of better times, and so, he chose to run from it altogether. I’m not trying to start rumours or anything, I’m just playing devil’s advocate again. Anyway, whatever the reason for Sean Avery to swear off of Twitter, the fact remains that the hockey “tweep” community will surely be devastated by the loss. Sean Avery is the biggest name in the National Hockey League period. I know you are probably going to disagree and throw the Kid and Ovi cards at me, but those two are really only popular in pro sports circles. Avery, on the other hand, has managed to make a name for himself in a much larger arena. So, given the nature of the beast that is Sean Avery, if he would have stuck with tweeting, I predict that he would have become the best and most popular NHL player to follow on Twitter whether his followers loved him or hated him. Oh well.

RIP @seanaverydotcom.

Remembering better days… P.S. In Korea they don’t say “sloppy seconds,” they say “vagina brothers.”

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Friday, July 23rd, 2010

Top 10 Tuesday: Things I won’t miss about the National Hockey League.

Last week you got to check out my list of the things I will miss most about the National Hockey League during my 2010-11 season long sabbatical in South Korea. This week should be no surprise that I’m listing the ten things I won’t miss while I’m away. It was hard to actually come up with ten things! I also didn’t want to bore people by bringing up old conflicts again, but what can I say, it takes a lot of bullshit to drive a hockey addict to the other side of the world for a much needed vacation from the game. So, don’t be surprised that this list is a lot more venomous than the last. Try to enjoy. P.S. Better late than never! P.P.S. The top photo should not be misinterpreted that Sean Avery is one of the things that I won’t miss about the NHL because I definitely will miss him!

10. Ticket Prices

Especially at the Air Canada Centre and Madison Square Garden – Yowza!

9. Female puck bunnies, I mean… hockey fans… that pay good money to go to a hockey game (or not go), just so they can complain about the fact that my seats were close to the ice to rally support for their she-pig/mother-of-3 hate campaigns.

It would be more valuable for you to just focus on the game, ladies. Perhaps, you’ll learn that this season when I’m not around.

8. The Philadelphia Flyers feed on NHL Center Ice

It’s always the worst! Maybe it will be fixed when I get back.

7. Hockey wives and girlfriends

Particularly those of the rank-hag variety that are in the habit of illegally posting my personal shit online because they are insecure and have man hands and the face of a 40 year old football (only much, much bigger).

6. Liquid Gold

$13 for a domestic beer? Cripes!

5. Pre warm-up jitters.

Don’t ask me why, but before every game I have an internal freak out like I’m the one about to take to the ice in front of 20 000 people. I have not gone a single game without it.

4. The Springtime bandwagon rush.

You couldn’t be bothered in October, but now you’ll steal my tickets right from under me? Me no dink doh!

3. The “situation” in Phoenix.

Enough with the empty threats! When did Winnipeg get a second chance, let alone a million?

2. Twitter-Blog stalkers.

Among others.

1. Jock Sniffers.

“Friends” that will throw you under the bus if they think it means an NHL player might like them more if they were ever to meet.

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Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

Farewell Tour II (Day 3): Game Day at the Shark Tank Avs@Sharks (Game 5)

San Jose, CA I was up and AT THEM!! bright and early on game day and bound for NorCal in my piece of shit rental car. Oh, did I forget to tell you why my rental was a piece of shit? Well, for some reason the MP3 player was @#$%ing up every time I tried to sync my iPod. Basically, it would only play four songs on my playlist and that’s it – and not even four GOOD songs! Anyway, I ended up having to drive with my earphones in (there is nothing that pisses me off more than getting stuck on an endless stretch of highway with a bad music selection), which I’m pretty sure is illegal, but a cop told me to do it, so there you go.

The drive was pretty decent. I made a mental note of all the exit numbers along the I-5 that had obvious IN-N-OUT Burgers. A couple animal styles, a shake, and a gigantic Dr. Pepper is the ONLY correct way to do a California roadie. Oh baby! I think I’m gaining weight just thinking about all this North American fast foodie goodness!

I pulled up to my hotel as Limp Bizkit’s Nookie came on my iPod. I’m not sure why I had that on my Best Ever playlist, but I distinctly remember singing, “Like a chump. Heyyyy. Like a chump. Heyyyyy” as I pulled off the highway and approached the hotel. It felt a lot hotter in San Jose than it did in LA, that’s for damn sure. It was a lot sunnier and nicer, too.

By the time I was settled in I had all of three hours to kill before heading over to the rink. Once I discovered that there was a Pink Berry in town, my mission was clear. I didn’t know that Pink Berry was a chain, I just thought it was a crazy amazing frozen yogurt place in Manhattan. Now that I have made this discovery, I will definitely be adding Pink Berry to my list of places to track down on all future hockey outings. Anyway, I had a massive serving topped with my fave – sliced kiwi. You wouldn’t think kiwi would be a good frozen yogurt flavour, but it’s SHIT HOT!

Over at the Shark Tank, I was blown away by the intensity of the fans who proudly wore their ORANGE playoff shirts despite the fact that they were, well, ORANGE! I have never been in such a loud building in my entire career of hockey wanderings. I’m not sure if the playoff atmosphere had any impact on the fan quality I was witnessing that night. I asked a few people if the fans were “like this” all the time, and they told me that they were. Craziness! I love their cheers, and the chomping shark jaw that they make with their arms during penalties, even if it does resemble an alligator more so than a shark!

It was probably my most enjoyable hockey experience in years! I was glad I got to see the Sharks come away with a 3-2 series lead, mostly so it would make the environment at Pepsi Center a little more hostile during Game 6! Yeah, I’m selfish. Oh, and a word to the wise if you are heading to San Jose in the 2010-11 NHL season: when they say “garlic fries” they mean “GARLIC fries.” Whew! Glad I didn’t have a hot date after the game, I was fresh out of Tic Tacs.

After the game, I went straight back to the hotel and crashed for the night. As much as I wanted to explore NorCal, I was planning to spend my last day in California back in the south with a friend I hadn’t seen since my early November Anaheim Ducks adventure. Sadly, the HP Pavilion would go down in the books as the 23rd active NHL facility that I have visited for an NHL game. I would leave for Korea with seven rinks unexplored and un-ravaged by the hurricane that is the Psycho Lady (eight if you count the new facility in Pittsburgh). So, in case you didn’t know, when I make my glorious return to the NHL, I’m coming for you! That’s right. Tampa, Atlanta, Carolina, Minnesota, Vancouver, Calgary, and Edmonton, I’m coming for you. I just want you to know, the Psycho Lady is coming.

Roll the credits…

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