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November, 2009

Saturday, November 28th, 2009

I found more hockey shit than I bargained for on my old PC.

In 2001, I bought a fancy brand new computer. It had one of those p-i-m-p liquid gel flat screens – totally ballin’ for the times. The hope was that this little baby would last me through the rest of high school and my university career. But, as you all know, I was irresponsible in university. I chose to travel all over North America (and Europe) stalking hockey rinks, instead of going to class. Eventually, my precious PC couldn’t take it anymore, and started to break down BIG TIME. At first, I reduced my use of it. I switched over to a lap top, and only logged into the old broad if I needed to print something. Finally, one fateful day, she wouldn’t even turn on anymore. Apparently, the Apocalypse was fast approaching.

Tonight, after all this time, I was able to extract most of the files and documents from the wasteland that was my old PC. I flew into a mild rage because most of my pictures didn’t make it. I was actually hoping to see some old snap shots from back in the old days of my early hockey road trips. Oh well! I guess we’ll never know what really happened! Anyway, I was browsing through some of the files, and there were a few gems hidden away in my “My Received Files” folder. Apart from some excellent jams that I hadn’t heard in years, I also came across a couple pictures of some current NHL players like you’ve never seen them before. Don’t get excited! These aren’t scandalous pictures by any means, they are just pictures you wouldn’t find doing a routine Google Images search.

Most people’s high school yearbook pictures come back to haunt them, but I think you’d have to agree that Nashville Predators D-man, Kevin Klein, looked a lot better in twelfth grade…when he had hair. Yes, kids, this photo was straight from the pages of the 2001-2002 St. Michael’s College School yearbook. That’s an ALL BOYS school in case you were looking to get hot ‘n’ bothered tonight, and yes, they had to wear THAT uniform. P.S. I used to bust that tie out for the “jocks and school girls” parties on campus. (Un)fortunately, photos from said parties were not saved.

During the 2004-2005 NHL Lock Out, the players had a lot of time on their hands. Many opted to make use of this time by experimenting with blond hair dye. Nashville Predators forward, Jordin Tootoo, my buddy, Corey, and Phoenix Coyotes winger, Scottie Upshall. I actually remember these pictures! Unfortunately, this is the only one that made it.

My friend and I at the 2004 OHL Championship game at the Hershey Centre in Mississauga. We actually witnessed the J. Ross Robertson Cup being hoisted that night. I have yet to see another holy grail of hockey being awarded live again. Also, apparently blond highlights were all the rage, eh? I’m rocking them, too.

Of course, the hockey content I retrieved wasn’t JUST pictures. My hockey related writings all made it over as well. Not only is the original manuscript of Down the Rabbit Hole: A Guide to Puck Bunnies safe and sound, but so are the several chapters of the sequel! I had attempted to do a spinoff of Down the Rabbit Hole, and tell a fictitious story about the life of a puck bunny. I wrote several chapters, but stopped because the content was actually beginning to terrify me. Don’t believe that it scared the crap out of me? Here’s a sample from Chapter Eight (2004),

My quest for victims was successful beyond my wildest dreams. I began to refer to Ryan as my first kill. He paved the way for other members of the Heathburg Coyotes. I devoured their team like a lethal swarm of locusts. I branded many of them as I did Ryan – like pigs being marked for slaughter.

Wow. By the way, how fucking insane/creepy is it that I named my fictitious team the Coyotes back in 2004? I actually just really freaked myself out. SERIOUSLY! I just about died when I read that. Apparently, I was also quite fond of the term, “pig” even back then! HAHA. Anyway, I also came across a poem that made it into an anthology at the University of Toronto. We had to submit Canadian content, so naturally I chose hockey. Again, this poem is from around the same time period, a time when I was reluctant to sugar coat the hockey world the way that I do on Psycho Lady Hockey, and, therefore, it is equally fucked up. I turned bright red when I read it again for the first time in five years tonight, but whatever. Feel free to try to analyze it, though, keep in mind that I was a teenager when I wrote it, so it might not be as complex as you make it out to be. Enjoy!

Blueliner (2004)

On the blueline
dies the man,
borne again patriot
whose jagged blades and crooked spears
defend glory, land and leaf.
This knight’s armor
hides his truth,
twilight’s loveless passion,
illegitimate peewees, and
an amber addiction.

On the blueline
glides the beast,
an angel fallen for
two minute sins: pride, lust, and greed;
a national idol.
This wolf has eyes –
predacious,
on a ruthless hunt with
cannibalistic hungers for
blood and sweat, flesh and skin.

On the blueline
stands a boy
who grew too fast,
and carried the weight of
his father’s unfound fantasies
upon padded shoulders.
On the blueline
lives his dream
of victory,
and the quest for precious medal
to adorn his frozen
heart.

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Thursday, November 26th, 2009

The Coyotes Sand Storm Sale: Another nail in the Glendale coffin.

Just a quick one today to talk about the Coyotes latest ticket sales stunt. I mentioned in the offseason that, as someone with previous experience in ticket sales and marketing strategies for a hockey team, I would be beside myself if I were in charge of fixing the Coyotes attendance situation. In previous seasons, the Coyotes organization has tried almost everything. In 2003, they built a beautiful new facility hoping that the Jobing.com Arena wow-factor would be the major draw that it should have been. Instead, local “fans” felt inconvenienced by the 15 minute commute along the 101 Loop. Does this relocation justify abandoning your team? The Senators don’t play in Ottawa, instead they face off in the pain-in-the-ass-to-get-to no frills Scotiabank Place in Kanata, Ontario. Perhaps, you’ve never been to Kanata, and therefore, have never seen the bitch mother traffic on the 417. Let’s just say leaving your downtown hotel at 5PM will often make you late for a 7PM puck drop. Yet, the Sens fans are packing the barn night after night.

Sorry, that turned into a little rant unintentionally. I just can’t believe that a facility as nice as Jobing.com Arena is being under appreciated. Mind you, I wouldn’t want to go there now, what with the whorey Swine Flu making a nightly appearance. Anyway, it should be said, before I keep going, that no one thinks Coyotes fans aren’t real fans. The people being targeted are the non-fans; people who can’t be bothered to check out the team in the first place. We all know you exist; unfortunately there aren’t enough of you. (But that’s another very long headache of an argument.) As you will learn, this sale isn’t going to help you in that department.

Anyway, back to previously failed sales attempts. In the 2007-2008 season, the Coyotes decided to go overboard with the giveaways approach – the old, “Let’s try to get people in the doors by giving them shiny collectibles.” That season, the Coyotes hit their peak deficit and found themselves $117M in the red for that year alone. Last season, the Coyotes appeared to try the opposite approach. I was at their fan appreciation night, and let me tell you, they chose to “appreciate” their fans by giving them nothing at all – not a puck, not a towel, nada. They even allegedly had a free booze night! What is left for them to do? How about give away all their tickets?

This week, the Coyotes announced their Sand Storm Sale. Essentially on Black Friday until “Cyber Monday” (whatever that is), hockey starved fans can purchase lower bowl tickets for all remaining home games for only $25! Sounds good, right? Fans will start flocking to Jobing.com Arena, and all will be right with the world, yes? Wrong. No, you’re not crazy; this is the same sales trick the ‘Yotes tried for their home opener this season, except they did that one the right way. They positioned their “Welcome Back White Out Sale” as a way to welcome the fans back, after a very long and trying offseason, by giving them a break on ticket price for the home opener. Of course, it’s not hard to see that they were trying to draw in new blood, and wine ‘n’ dine prospective new season ticket holders. However, FAIL, after the home opener, attendance dropped drastically to average major junior hockey club numbers.

You see, cheapening the product, which is what giving away tickets, or a drastic drop in ticket price will do to both the value of the product and the value of the team and the players, is what, those in the business would call, “a last resort.” Sure, there may be asses in the seats for the remaining home games this season, but at what cost? Here are a few:

• Most current season ticket holders will become enraged by the major discount “non-fans” are receiving. And season seat holders are the most valuable fans to any sports team, and they know that they deserve to appreciated as such.

• The sales team has valued the Coyotes on par with the San Antonio Rampage, and most other AHL teams (some teams charge a lot more than this), by reducing prices this drastically.

• Prospective new customers/fans will regard the value of NHL/Coyotes hockey as $25, and will not be so quick to start paying full pop once the sale is over. Basically, they are targeting the “cheap entertainment” crowd, and NHL hockey is a luxury for everyone. We already saw proof of this after the White Out.

Anyway, although I don’t agree with this sales approach, that’s not to say that I wouldn’t take advantage of it. My lower bowl ticket for the Coyotes game last season was $180, but it also included free food, free booze, and Vince Vaughn. So, I could get seven games in for the price of one with this promotion. Of course, I’m avoiding Arizona like the disgusting diseased pig that resides there, but that’s not to say that you shouldn’t jump all over this tomorrow. Unfortunately, the only people who will benefit from this are the players. I’m sure it will be a lot easier to play in front of a full house.

Should the Coyotes lower their ticket prices? Absolutely. Five hours along the I-10 in Anaheim, I could go and sit, and have sat, in the same seats for exactly half the price, and that’s the same price range for most hockey teams around the league. I’m not really sure what they are doing down there in the Coyotes sales department, but to be fair, they did try to give away free tickets on certain nights that the Coyotes won at home. Unfortunately, they forgot the major part of the equation – the Coyotes had to actually win. So, if you want to plan a golf trip to Pigland, I mean Scottsdale, then check out http://Coyotes.NHL.com for details.

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Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

Top 10 Tuesday: Replay Edition.

I heard about this reality show called, Replay, which brings together the members of former sports teams to play a rematch of the pinnacle games of their careers. It’s a really cool idea for a show! I have often thought about the defining moments in my career as a hockey addict, and I can’t help but wonder what my life might have been like had certain things not happened, or had I not gone to certain games. So, for this week’s edition of Top 10 Tuesday, we look at the games/moments that eventually led to the birth of Psycho Lady Hockey, and my hockey adventures around the world. Whether you are thankful things happened the way they did, or you’re a hater, and wish I had stayed home on these days is up to you. Get ready! You are about to embark upon a lengthy walk down memory lane. Enjoy! Top Photo: My first REAL Coyotes game. Look you can see my shirt! Haha!

10. Team Canada vs. Team Finland (December 31, 2002)

ACK! What I wouldn’t have given to have had actual plans on New Year’s Eve that year. For the first and only time in my life, I was experiencing constant peer-pressure. Let’s not discuss what it was pressure over, but the IIHF World Junior Championship games turned out to be the only rare occasions that my, then, friends would let up on trying to get me hooked on their ideas of who I should become entangled with. Some of them had a crush on the captain of Team Canada. I was so overwhelmed at the time that I didn’t notice him, but my most vivid memory of that time period was of his picture being on TV, and my friends letting up on me for a few brief moments just so they could gush over him. I guess the picture was ingrained on my mind as a type of safe haven, even though I had no idea who this player was (apart from his name), or where he played during the regular season. For years, I never actively thought of him again, but, like I said, his image would be the first memory that would come to me the moment I thought of this traumatic experience. I never knew or cared about what became of this guy, but sure enough, our paths would cross again and again and again in my hockey history. Anyway, I watched that game twice that night, nervous as Hell, and not absorbing a thing apart from one commentator’s strange remark, “Ruutu hammers Tootoo; two to Ruutu!” Try saying that five times fast! Replay: If I had plans on this NYE, had I been out of town, or far, far away from where I was; things would be different. I wouldn’t have learned the cold hard truth about puck bunnies, and the value of friendships when hockey players are involved. As a result, I never would have written Down the Rabbit Hole, and I likely would not be as involved with studying the culture of the game as I am today.

9. Kitchener Rangers vs. Guelph Storm (March 28, 2002 – Game 4)

The funny thing was the Kitchener Rangers were swept in the first four games of the 2002 OHL Playoffs, but ended up taking the Memorial Cup in 2003. Earlier that season, I was introduced to OHL hockey, and started introducing my friends to it as well. By this final game of the 2001-2002 season, one of my friends decided to meet up with a girl she knew from one of her extra-curricular activities (and I mean that in the non-dirty sense). This girl, and her friends, went to high school with the team, and they were full blown pucks. One girl had a webpage, you remember those homestead accounts people used to have, on which she posted a picture of every player she had relations with and what she did with them. Unlike the rumours people started about my site, this chick actually posted this stuff (and only this stuff) on hers. Anyway, these girls were in the habit of waiting for the players after the games, and they introduced my friends to this ritual. I remember how awkward I felt standing there. I never understood what they were after. They didn’t want autographs. They didn’t want pictures. They just wanted to be seen. I stood there pressed up against the concrete wall, looking down at my running shoes, and praying that the next thing out of someone’s mouth was, “OK! Let’s get out of here.” That offseason, I moved to Toronto to finish high school, and left my former hockey buddies behind to mingle with the likes of the locker room lurkers. On the weekends, when I started coming home again, I was horrified to learn that my friends had grown closer with the type of girls discussed above, and that they were now in the habit of waiting after every game. I remember fiddling with my keys, trying not to make eye contact, yet somehow some of these guys ended up with my phone number and email address. Replay: Had we decided not to go to this 2002 playoff game, my friends would have likely lost interest in the Rangers after my relocation to Majors territory. But since this didn’t happen, this behaviour eventually led to my very traumatic, and life defining experience during the 2003 WJC tourney the following season.

8. St. Michael’s Majors vs. Kitchener Rangers (February 10, 2002)

Of course, I already knew all about the Ontario Hockey League when I was a kid. I even sang the national anthem with my choir at one of the games back in grade school. However, it was my uncle who took me to my first REAL junior hockey game. I was really obsessed with the Leafs and never missed a game. This was before the horrid LeafsTV era. My uncle decided to introduce me to the O because he thought I would probably love it just as much. I did love it. I loved sitting so close to the ice and being able to get a sense of the size of the players and the quickness of the game. I never sat closer than the second last row of the upper bowl at the Air Canada Centre or Maple Leaf Gardens. Replay: Sometimes I wonder had the Rangers not been the team visiting St. Michael’s College School Arena, if I would have sought out the team when I was back home in Kitchener with my fellow Catholic school girl friends.

7. Employment with Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment Ltd. (2005-2006 Season)

Leafs fans have been put through a lot like, a repeating history of horribleness, and a total scarcity of game tickets. That being said, they are loyal as Hell. The Leafs were my homeboys. They could do no wrong in my eyes, until the fateful day I accepted employment in an MLSE front office. After my dream job turned into a nightmare, I couldn’t stand the sight of the Leafs or any MLSE team. Thank goodness, the Rock and the Jays are independent of MLSE! Replay: Had I not gotten the job with MLSE, I know things would be different. To this day, I would still be a die-hard Leafs fan, albeit a sad one. I would have likely never began my NHL road adventures, and I’m sure I would have been more than content being a hometown, blue jersey wearing, Labatt drinking hockey fan. I would have never seen the things that I’ve seen, met the people I’ve met, or had the adventures I’ve had. Had I not taken this job, maybe I’d have all the things that a life on the road has prevented me from having. Maybe I’d have a boyfriend. Maybe I’d be married…with kids? Eek. This one really makes me wonder about how normal my life could have been.

6. Grand Rapids Griffins vs. Milwaukee Admirals (January 29, 2005)

The NHL Lock Out was a difficult time for all hockey fans. I decided to seek out the AHL as a substitute for my beloved Leafs. One night, my friend and I discussed wanting to go on a road trip. Neither of us cared where we went, so I nominated an AHL city because, being a Leafs fan, supporting the Hamilton Bulldogs seemed wrong. I nominated the Milwaukee Admirals on the grounds that they were the defending champs. I didn’t know much else about the team at the time, but after my first game at the Bradley Center on January 20th, 2005, I was hooked. We saw two games in Milwaukee, but on the way back to Toronto, fate intervened. Not paying attention to the road, we found ourselves on the I-96 headed toward Grand Rapids. It was at that moment that we realized how close some of the other AHL teams were to Toronto, and decided to see the Ads play there the following weekend. Replay: Had I not been so into the music, and noticed the off ramp in the left lane, I doubt I would have gone to another Milwaukee game every again. This would have stopped the wanderlust, which eventually turned into Psycho Lady Hockey, from developing.

5. Colorado Avalanche vs. Phoenix Coyotes (November 4, 2009)

This was the game that killed my feelings for the Phoenix Coyotes for good. When I visited the Pepsi Center for the first time, I realized that I couldn’t go home again. The Coyotes were all I knew. As much as I was starting to despise them, they were comfortable. After this game, I was very disillusioned about the Arizona Prophecy and fate in general. I guess, in time, I’ll learn about what the point of this Coyotes misadventure was, but for now it’s a mystery. Replay: What would have happened if I didn’t book this doomed vacation? Would I still be a Phoenix fan? Or was it only a matter of time before everything fell apart at the seams?

4. Buffalo Sabres vs. Philadelphia Flyers (February 20, 2007)

After my employment with MLSE, I was at a loss for a team for a couple of months. I had an idea to check out a game in Buffalo, as that was the closest NHL team to Toronto, so it made the most sense for me. They were going to be playing the Philadelphia Flyers on the night in question. I kept asking my friends if they wanted to go, but I was getting denied at every turn. Finally, I had given up on the idea, and just decided to be content with my hockey-less life. One day, the day my scouted Sabres tickets were set to expire on ebay, my, soon to be, hockey partner in crime sought me out. That night we won the tickets, and as it would turn out, they were a couple rows behind the Flyers bench. Instead of becoming a Sabres fan, my friend and I became fast Flyers fans, and scheduled our first trip to Philadelphia for less than two weeks later. Replay: Had my now friend (we had only met twice before that) not contacted me for that game, I never would have become a Flyers fans. I never would have had some of the best, and my most cherished, hockey years of my life with some of the craziest fans in the league. I also wonder if the Arizona Prophecy would have found me if I wasn’t wearing a sparkly black and orange target on my chest.

3. Toronto Maple Leafs vs. Hartford Whalers (1994ish)

My uncle decided I was old enough for my first NHL game at the Gardens. I was too lazy to look up the actual date of this game – sorry. At that time, my game experience was limited to Jays games at the SkyDome. I’d only ever see the one game at Maple Leaf Gardens, but the experience had a lasting effect on me and was, obviously, a defining moment in my hockey history. Replay: Had my uncle decided to take his friend to this game instead, I wonder if hockey would have been the thing I turned to in my teen years to keep me sane and stave off adolescent anxiety. I think it’s likely that I would have never found hockey on my own, if it wasn’t for my uncle’s influence in the sports department. It really makes me wonder what kind of life I could have had if I was completely untouched by the fastest sport on ice.

2. Boston Bruins vs. Philadelphia Flyers (March 3, 2009)

I wasn’t supposed to go to this game in Boston. Early on in the second half of the season, I had limited myself to only going to the Flyers game in Boston on February 7th. However, the trip went amiss, and I decided to give Boston another go. For some reason, Boston had always seemed very significant to me in terms of the Prophecy. Replay: Of course, I was thrust into my unexpected mystical six game road trip the day after this game. I wonder if I hadn’t been in Boston at the time, if I would have bothered to follow the predictions and switch teams to Phoenix as thoughtlessly as I had. I think it is more likely that I would have finished off the season with Philadelphia, and may or may not have reassessed things over the offseason.

1. Boston Bruins vs. Phoenix Coyotes (March 5, 2009)

Seeing that I was still in Boston on March 4th, I felt the call to the Arizona Prophecy after I received word that one of the predictions had fallen into place. I was supposed to be getting on a plane to Buffalo, and heading back home to Toronto. I was at a literal crossroads and I didn’t like the sane option. If Phoenix was the path I was supposed to go on, then I wanted to be able to either confirm or rule the Prophecy out by my own efforts – see (or not see) with my own eyes. It was the most romantic thing I ever did, the only strange thing about it was that I didn’t know who the guy was that I was running to. Replay: The safe bet would have been to get on that plane, but instead I ended up running out of Logan International and back downtown Boston. If I hadn’t received that text message, and got on that plane as scheduled, MAYBE I would have gone to the Coyotes game in Buffalo on the 6th, but I think it was likelier that I would have talked myself out of believing the psychics and searching for the possible man of my dreams. Maybe I would have been responsible and gone to class, instead of embarking upon a “money is no object” trip to find my destiny. I don’t know if there is something to the Arizona Prophecy, as far as I know I found nothing in the desert but heartache. Who knows what the point of all of this was, all I can say is that if I was a little more sane and a little less impulsive, I would have been a lot happier for the last nine months of my life. Oh well, at least I have the story to tell.

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Friday, November 20th, 2009

Ducks@Red Wings 24 Style

Finally! After this post I will be all caught up with my previous game entries. Last Saturday, my friend and I decided to embark upon a last minute trip to Detroit to see my potential new-boyfriend team, the Ducks, take on the Red Wings. The Ducks and I aren’t official yet. We’re just seeing each other. I’m not sure if they are the team that I can take home to meet my parents. You see, there are too many “fans” on the Ducks team. I know it’s great for my material, but I can’t help but think that they are going to turn into another obsessive headache like Phoenix became. OK, I don’t normally bring this stuff up, but I have to this time just because. During the game one of the “fans” skated over and licked his lips at me. YES…LICKED!! Really? In front of everyone? I would have loved to see my face when he did this, but something tells me I wasn’t as horrified as I normally would have been on account of winter being around the corner, so you know…

Anyway, we used to do Michigan trips in a 24 style photo album. And by “used to” I mean we did it once. Essentially, we take a picture every hour that we are on the road and let that tell the story of the trip. Of course, we weren’t gone for exactly 24 hours, so you won’t get a full day’s worth, but you’ll get the idea of what we were up to. So before I turn it over to my terrible photography skills, there are a couple strange things I want to mention about the trip.

I woke up in the morning on game day, and I felt a strange connection to the heinous beasts, the Coyotes. Did I miss them? What was happening? This connection carried on throughout the day, and some “Phoenix” signs started to reappear. The biggest sign, which may or may not have stopped my heart for a moment, was the return of that evil Scottsdale sign. You remember back during my mystical six-game road trip last season, I wandered into the restroom at Nassau Coliseum on Long Island, and an ad for immigration to Scottsdale stopped me in my tracks, and caused me to book my trip to Scottsdale/Phoenix/Glendale in April. Well, I have been to several games since then. I have even been to two games at Joe Louis Arena, and I never saw this sign again…until Saturday night. I had been in and out of that washroom several times, and I never noticed any advertisements.

For some reason, as I was walking out of the little girls’ room before the third period, I saw it in the corner of my eye. Again, I stopped in my tracks, but this time I wasn’t awestruck, I was mad. “Oh no!” I thought, “I’m not playing this game.” As much as I would have loved to stick around Phoenix for the sake of the Arizona Prophecy, that path is far too difficult now. It would literally take a miracle or something drastic or dramatic to get me back now. I think the most likely thing is that I am being universally fucked with. Seriously, it’s not funny. I can’t go back to the Coyotes, so stop trying to convince me that I should. From now on I’m going to be highly suspicious or any and all possible “signs.”

Roll the credits then enjoy my 24 style photos…

10 AMish

“Sorry I’m late! I missed the exit for your house and it may or may not have had something to do with Savage Garden being on the radio.” What was more embarrassing was that the song was Truly, Madly, Deeply.

11 AMish

Dear Rockstar Energy Drink people,
I give you far too much publicity on my site. It’s time to sponsor me!
Yours truly,
Unemployed University Grad.
(Taken after I failed at yet another attempt to teach Amanda how to pump gas.)

12 PMish

In a moment the passenger in this car will get out of his seat, turn around, and sign us his phone number with his hands. We texted him. He was from Sudbury. The interesting thing was that this wasn’t the last time this would happen on the way to Detroit.

1 PMish

Pit stop at Timmy Ho’s! This was probably the most Canadianized Tim Horton’s I’ve ever seen. Directly to the right of it was a cow farm, and directly to the left was a hockey rink.

2 PMish

Finally approaching the Ambassador Bridge in Windsor, ON. Our border guard was…interesting. She knew her girl stuff! Hahaha

3 PMish

The strange limo that interrupted our lunch at the Hockeytown Café.

4 PMish

We contemplated ditching the Red Wings and going to this concert instead, but the ticket agent was going to charge us extra to sit in the no spray zone.

5 PMish

Stealing wireless and doing some work in the car before the gates opened. I still feel so satisfied when I come across an unsecured wireless network!

6 PMish

St. Jude decided to come out of my cleve for awhile and pose in front of the ice.

7 PMish

Random Ducks/Wings shot #1

8 PMish


  • The view of the Ducks bench from our seats.

    9 PMish

    The Red Wings celebrating their 4th of 7 goals in their 7-4 victory over Anaheim.

    10 PMish

    Waiting in a massive line to cross back into the homeland. Damn American underage kids going to drink and gamble the weekend away! LOL

    11 PMish

    Amanda falls asleep again. This is actually the fake picture. She discovered I took the picture and deleted it when I wasn’t looking. This is her pretending to sleep.

    12 AMish

    Yesssss! I won a McDonald’s Monopoly muffin! Too bad it expires MONDAY!

    1 AMish

    At one point Lynxie became possessed and started flashing potential weather conditions at me on the dashboard. He’s never done that before. He kept saying, “Ice Possible!” I tried to get a picture of it, but my cam takes too long to go off…piece of trash!

    2 AMish

    Descending upon the Greater Toronto Area….look what came on the radio again….

    3 AMish

    The package has been delivered.

    The end.

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    Thursday, November 19th, 2009

    Anaheim (Day 5): Game Day #3 Coyotes@Bronze Adoni – My belt is the one that says, “Bad Mother Fucker.”

    The dreaded Coyotes game finally arrived Saturday. I was up early that morning so I could be ready to meet up with the KingsCast boys in Los Angeles at noon. I was late. This was the first instance that I have experienced a GPS system taking me to the wrong destination even after I specifically crunched in the address. Kind of annoying, especially when you consider that I actually vaguely knew how to get to Staples Center, but decided to use the GPS so I wouldn’t get lost. Oh, did I mention that I was driving a MINI VAN! Yeah, when I got to LAX on the Wednesday, my car wasn’t there, so I was stuck with the hockey mom mobile. At least it was black, and I did make some sweet risky moves with it. I figured everyone would assume I had kids in the car, and would back off and let me be an asshole. My most overused phrase of the trip was, “There are kids in the car, bitch, yeah, that’s right!”

    I had a blast with the guys from KingsCast despite looking like ass for that episode of Overtime. It was revealed later that my Team Canada shirt was the problem. You aren’t supposed to wear red on camera because it negatively distorts your appearance! Oh well, now I know better. Anyway, those guys are hilarious! If you don’t watch the KingsCast webcast, you should. I’m always dying of laughter whenever I tune in!

    After we wrapped up in LA, I headed straight to IN-N-OUT for round two, then met up with Lauren to go for a cruise down PCH (Pacific Coast Highway). There was really not enough time to go to the beach before the dreaded main event at the Honda Center that night. I got to The Pond at 6PM, but not before stopping at IN-N-OUT a third time to get a Neapolitan shake – secret menu HAZZAH! I opted to avoid the Coyotes and take in the warm up on the Ducks end. My seats were behind the Ducks bench, but Honda Center is one of those rare arenas that don’t have gaps between the benches, so I was practically behind the Coyotes bench as well.

    That game was something special. The source of my TV material was out in full force with his obsessive behaviour. I really hope the appropriate people were watching this game of his, because I know that people all the way up in the 400s were greatly entertained by it for the entirety of the game. Trying to fit those last longing gazes in, eh? Or maybe he misinterpreted my death stare as unbridled desire – FAIL! Do all guys act without thinking? I’d really love to know. I had some great lines, too. “Put your eyes on me again, and I will come after you in the night, and not in the way that you’d like me to!” Anyway, I really enjoyed cheering the Ducks on during this game. Kind of funny how the most entertaining Coyotes game I’ve ever seen was a game that I was cheering against them!

    I like the Ducks. There are many “sources of material” on that team. Not to mention that a few of my old crushes are on that team now. Steve Eminger was one of my Kitchener Rangers crushes back in high school, and Sheldon Brookbank was a Milwaukee Admirals crush. It’s funny how my taste in men has changed with age! Mind you, as I mentioned in Day 3, I do appreciate the golden tans that all the Ducks seem to have. Typically, I don’t like tans on men in general, but the Ducks have “the perfect tan” if you will. Not like the smelly Coyotes with their sunburns and leathery faces. At most games I want to fling a bottle of aloe vera based moisturizer at them. Can someone please get them some sunscreen! Actually, don’t. Let them all get skin cancer (and die?). Well, not ALL of them, and especially not you, Taylor Pyatt! I want to see SPF-75 on you at all times.

    Anyway, enough Coyotes ranting. I made sure I was wearing my BMF belt so everyone knew I meant business at that game. Seriously, you don’t mess with this belt! It’s studded! I was sitting next to Chris for the game; she’s a great hockey buddy! I love the fans in the southern markets. Maybe there isn’t A LOT of them, but they remind me of junior/amateur fans. They really get behind their players in semi-parental roles. I love it! There is a lot of name screaming going on!

    The Ducks won 4-3 – a satisfying victory for me. After the game, Lauren and I went out for some intense mac ‘n’ cheese! There was chicken and bacon in it, and you know how I feel about bacon and cheese! Later that night, I retired back to my quarters to pack up my stuff. I was heading back to LAX at 4AM to catch my flight back to the motherland. This time around, I cannot express how happy I was for this trip to finally be over. I felt so relieved to be back, that, if the Toronto streets weren’t so dirty and urine soaked, I may have actually knelt down and kissed them.

    Roll the credits…


    (hahaha!)

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