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September, 2009

Friday, September 4th, 2009

Dawn Approaches: Marriage counseling & other updates.


It’s hard to believe that the twilight of the offseason is almost over, and preseason puck is only days away! I don’t know about you, but it still feels like August to me! Alas, hockey and I have been having some problems with our marriage, and the 2009-10 season is expected to be a very difficult one for us.

Last season, our relationship took a devastating turn in the final stretch. Perhaps there were too many games both on and off the ice, but careless words and empty ultimatums were thrown around in the heat of the moment. Like any wife, I feel that hockey takes me for granted sometimes. He’s forgotten that my support is not some unwavering and unconditional thing. He seems to think that I’ll just be there for him no matter what he does or no matter how it puts me out. He doesn’t appreciate the effort on my part, like turning my life upside down, or dropping everything to fly to Anaheim and beyond.

I spent the greater part of the offseason trying to work through our problems. Naturally, this was mostly a one-sided effort on my part. Hockey liked things the way they were. He didn’t want to have to pick up the phone or get on his knees and plant tulips…er…beg me to stay. No, hockey is satisfied in knowing that I’ll be rinkside until death do us part.

Of course, this made things difficult in terms of planning out the 09-10 season. Nevertheless, I’ve decided to stay the course with Phoenix for my first two regular season games this year in Pittsburgh (October 7th) and Buffalo (October 8th), after that it will all depend on how unpleasant those games were. However, after hearing about the Taylor Pyatt signing in the desert, I am more enthusiastic about this decision! My body temperature actually rose 3oF when I read the news! Hopefully, Gretzky keeps him off the Lombardi line because I might faint from too much man if they are together. Tell the Mellon Arena staff to keep a paramedic on hand for me just in case!

Anyway, team selection is not the only potential obstacle threatening our marriage this season. It is looking more and more likely that I will be moving to Kamloops, British Columbia at some point early on in the season. This move will put a definite strain on my marriage. I’ll be moving from the hub of hockey, to a place where the closest NHL team is three hours away, and the second closest is seven! It’s a good thing I anticipated the switch to Phoenix at Christmas and made sure I had those Aeroplan cards set up! Guess I’ll be brushing up on the WHL while I’m there. Either way, the uncertainty of my home base is making our relationship rocky right now, even if I do decide to stay here in the long run for whatever reason like, I don’t know, an NHL team in Hamilton!

Now on to other things…

Welcome, Sweden!


The Psycho Lady Hockey universe has expanded again, and I’ve noticed that I’ve developed quite a strong and regular readership in Sweden! I’ve even found write ups in Swedish that I had to run through the old FreeTranslation.com in order to understand. So, I’d just like to take a moment to formally welcome my new readers from across the Atlantic! I guess I’m going to have to start reading up on the Swedish Elite League.

Confessions of a Hockey Addict Through the Worst Photography You’ve Ever Seen [08-09 Edition]

I’ve been feeling like a slacker lately since most of my recent entries have been lists and photo albums! It’s the offseason, so what can you do! Anyway, if you’ve been waiting with bated breath for the 08-09 edition, then fear not, it is on its way. I am currently waiting on some pictures taken at the infamous Pittsburgh game last season. These pictures have not seen the light of day, as they were from such a mess of an evening. Currently, they are still on my friend’s camera which is buried in a moving box in London, ON. As soon as she gets them to me, I’ll post the final installment (until next summer). That is, of course, only if the pictures are appropriate! Perhaps, I should recite the “morning after” conversation to remind you of what happened that night.

Me: OK *notices headache,*this is what I don’t remember. I don’t remember paying at the bar, and I don’t remember going to sleep.
Friend: Well after you started giving [Pittsburgh Penguin] shit for having a teenstache…
Me: I didn’t say that to his face!
Friend: Oh, yes, you did. You should have seen the look on his face *imitates look on his face.* Then Britney Spears paid at the bar, and we went on one of the tour buses.
Me: Oh yeah, I remember the bus.
Friend: Yes, then we came back here. One minute you were sitting on the chair, the next minute I look over and you were on the floor.
Me: Are you kidding me?
Friend: Oh no. I had to fireman pull you into bed and put your pajamas on.
Me: *notices missing bra*
Friend: Yup, your boobs were everywhere.

For the record, I had just flown in from Anaheim and I was still traumatized from the experience! I don’t drink normally, and apparently have no tolerance for it LOL. Until next time…keep your stick on the ice!

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

Top 10 Tuesday: Nice things I could have if I wasn’t addicted to hockey!

I think a lot of hockey fans like to throw the term “hockey addict” around without really being at the addict level. An addiction is a problem. Like drugs or alcohol, it is difficult to control without help or intervention. For me, hockey is pretty much everything. I live for my next game. The waiting period between road trips often feels like limbo. I’m home, but I’m not really here. During my entire university career, hockey came before school, and pretty much everything else. Hockey is my loving husband, but he’s also the insensitive prick that teases me then keeps me waiting by the phone hoping that he’ll finally call me. I really believe that someday I will need to appear on Intervention in order to get over my cravings for puck. Perhaps some of you thought that I was joking when I called myself Psycho Lady. Anyway, with this entry I decided to put a monetary value on my hockey addiction. Ready? Brace yourself, here it comes! In the 2008-09 hockey season, I spent an estimated THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS on my hockey misadventures! OK, now that you’re completely disgusted, here’s my Top 10 Tuesday list for things I could buy if I wasn’t addicted to this wonderful game.

10. 2010 Toyota Prius

I’m sure the very first thing that came to your mind when I dropped the $30K bomb was that I could have bought a car with that. Trust me, I’ve been VERY aware of that fact for a very, very, very long time – particularly while I was car shopping this off season, and realized that I could have had a much nicer car if I didn’t have this life controlling addiction. Anyway, in the $30K price range, we have not just any car, but a virtuous third generation, industry leading hybrid. Of course, the catch 22 is that there is no point in having a fuel efficient hybrid, if you aren’t packing on the miles from taking her on far too many hockey road trips. Sorry, environment, this is one sacrifice I’m just not ready to make.

9. Law School Tuition (4 Semesters)

On another note, I could have used this money to expand my mind and my career. $30K would have covered my tuition for two years at Osgoode Hall Law School (one of the top, if not the top law school in Canada – alright, York U, we’ll give you this one!) Of course, hockey (being an addiction and all) pretty much screwed up any chance I had of furthering my education. Perhaps, I should have gone to class once in a while instead of spending my SIX (ahem) university years at hockey rinks across the continent (oops, and let’s not forget Switzerland – I was right in the middle of exams for that genius move*tee hee*).

8. Scandalous Vacation Avec Pool Boys

Check out this place! $30K would get me two weeks accommodation in the P-I-M-P penthouse at Las Ventanas al Paraiso in Los Cabos, Mexico for me and the two of the most scantily clad pool boys and/or struggling actors/waiters. I’d go alone, but you know…I need someone to keep me company while I’m having my Stars and Sea massage.

7. Oodles of Plastic Surgery

My major discovery making this Top 10 list was learning that plastic surgery is actually pretty affordable. No wonder so many trash bag 20 year old, wannabe bikini models are able to get work done. Anyway, if I had saved my money from the 08-09 season alone, I could have undergone every necessary procedure needed to get boys to like me, including the fake boobs, lips, lipo, and botox. Plus, I’d still have enough money left over to keep a steady supply of peroxide on my roots for four years. See, I should have just done this, then bagged myself one of those idiot implant-totting hockey players so that I’d have unlimited hockey tickets for the rest of his career. BAH! Sometimes I just don’t think things through…

6. Licence to Stalk the Jonas Brothers

It’s hard for me to think of a life that didn’t involve me traveling from town to town stalking my favourite hockey team. So, let’s say I traded in my hockey tickets for something similar…like tickets for the Jonas Brothers’ concerts (cue 12 year old giney tickling scream). OK, this wouldn’t be my “band” of choice to stalk, but I’ve heard a lot of crazy stories about mothers taking their tween daughters all over the States trying to meet the Jonas Brothers. Anyway, last season’s hockey expenses would exchange for about 90 tickets to see the Jonas Brothers, or any major artist, perform live. P.S. If you didn’t get the “giney tickling” reference, then I am deeply saddened and disappointed in you.

5. Lap Dances and Chicken Wings

Mmm… I *heart* chicken wings…and mens (no, really, I said “mens” there.) $30K would buy me an endless supply of the spiciest chicken wings, and 500 lap dances from the finest man-strippers working the VIP floor at The Golden Banana. Yeehawwww!

4. Keeping the Ocean Safe

With the money I spent on hockey last season, I’d be able to save the day in all three Jaws movies by paying that Quint guy off to kill the great white. Unfortunately, he was unavailable for hire after the first one, but whatever. $30K will get me “the head, the tail, the whole damn thing” three times over.

3. Living the Good Life in the Trailer Park
If TV has taught me anything, it’s that the trailer park is a pretty awesome and happening place. To put things in perspective, not only could I have afforded to buy a car last season, but I could have also bought a home. According to my half-assed research, my hockey money could have bought me the trailer as well as lot fees for three years! Maaf*ck, you know what I’m saaaaaaaaaayin?

2. 2010 Harley Davidson CVO Fat Bob (with the hellfire flames…yessss!)

Ohhh, baby! I think this one needs no explanation! Vrooooooooom! Now I’m sad, damn those pesky Coyotes!

1. Charitable Goodness

On a more serious note, I could have made significant global strides if I gave my dirty hockey drug money to a prominent charity. I used to work for UNICEF Canada, so I’ll plug them a little here. A $30K donation to one of UNICEF’s global relief programs can provide emergency health kits with medical supplies and drugs to cover the basic health needs of 750 people for a year, or 3000 people for three months! Think of the children! So…do I have any volunteers to be my sponsor at Hockey Addicts Anonymous, yet?

    • Amy: Well said, nicely done. I agree wholeheartedly wi...
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    • Dawnie11Marie: I just loved the article as a whole. Perhaps I di...
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    • Next Game

      Currently on assignment in Japan until the 2012-13 hockey season.

    • NHL Rinks Stalked

      [47] Air Canada Centre
      [08] Wells Fargo Center
      [06] First Niagara Center
      [05] Scotiabank Place
      [05] Joe Louis Arena
      [04] Prudential Center
      [03] TD Banknorth Garden
      [03] Honda Center
      [02] Xcel Energy Center
      [02] Tampa Bay Times Forum
      [02] Pepsi Center
      [02] Nassau Coliseum
      [02] Bell Centre
      [01] Verizon Center
      [01] United Center
      [01] Staples Center
      [01] Scottrade Center
      [01] PNC Arena
      [01] Nationwide Arena
      [01] Madison Square Garden
      [01] Jobing.com Arena
      [01] HP Pavilion
      [01] CONSOL Energy Center
      [01] Bridgestone Arena
      [01] BankAtlantic Center
      [01] American Airlines Center
      [02] Mellon Arena*
      [01] Maple Leaf Gardens*
      *Indicates Inactive Facility

    • OHL Rinks Stalked

      [28] Kitchener Auditorium
      [10] Hershey Centre
      [09] Gatorade Complex
      [08] Sleeman Centre
      [03] John Labatt Centre
      [02] Powerade Centre
      [02] GM Centre
      [01] Yardmen Arena
      [01] WFCU Centre
      [01] RBC Centre
      [01] K-Rock Centre
      [01] J. Benson Cartage Centre
      [01] Bayshore Arena
      [01] Barrie Molson Centre
      [41] St. Michael's Arena*
      [01] London Ice House*
      *Indicates Inactive Facility

    • AHL Rinks Stalked

      [64] Ricoh Coliseum
      [08] Van Andel Arena
      [08] Copps Coliseum
      [05] Bradley Center
      [04] Quicken Loans Arena
      [02] Scope Arena
      [01] AT&T Center
      [01] Allstate Arena
      [01] Cincinnati Gardens*
      *Indicates Inactive Facility

    • Other Rinks Stalked

      [03] Yokohama Skate Center
      [02] Arena Zurich-Kloten
      [01] U of T Varisty Arena
      [01] Nikko Kirifuri Ice Arena
      [01] Anyang Sports Complex

    • Game Stats (League)

      [320] Total Games
      [109] NHL
      [109] OHL
      [094] AHL
      [005] ALIH
      [002] IIHF
      [001] OUA

    • Game Stats (Country)

      [320] Total Games
      [239] Canada
      [074] United States
      [004] Japan
      [002] Switzerland
      [001] South Korea

    • Game Log
      • @FleurDeMar You knew there'd have to be a flaw somewhere LOL At least it's in his throat and not in his... you know... pants... ;) #Gasp 9 hours ago
      • Just heard David Beckham's voice for the first time... Noooooooo!!! That killed it!! :( Oh well! At least he doesn't laugh like Spezza... +1 9 hours ago
      • Bipedal organisms were not built to scrub Japanese bathtubs... There! I've said it! #TubIsLove 9 hours ago
    • New Book
      Hey, hockey fans! I am writing a new book and looking for American and Canadian hockey fans to send me a quick email telling me why they go crazy for hockey. Email me! I look forward to hearing from you!
    • Down the Rabbit Hole: A Guide to Puck Bunnies (2004)
      Content currently unavailable.
    • Contact Me!

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