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September, 2009

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

Top 10 Tuesday: Glorious Google Hits.

Over the nine months that Psycho Lady Hockey has been up and running, I have had thousands of Google hits from all over the world. After filtering through the standard searches for me, Sean Avery, and the Phoenix Coyotes’ wives, some of the more abstract keywords really make me laugh. This week’s Top 10 Tuesday lists some of my favourite Google searches that have led the unsuspecting Internet user to my precious blog. If any of these hits are from you, then you are to be commended on your tremendous web browsing skills, and you should feel proud that you made my list this week! Enjoy!

10. Gongshow huge lipper.
Landing Page:
Main Page
Hey there, Tier II hockey star! Killing time after curf with the old Internet machine, eh? Here’s your Surgeon General’s Warning

9. The world’s biggest tittiest.
Landing Page:
All Star Games are the anti-Viagra.
Not here, buddy! I don’t have implants.

8. Old lady shakes finger at Flyers Penguins game.
Landing Page:
Philadelphia (Days 1 & 2): Toronto is not a state!
This came up a few times. Did I somehow miss this during the game?

7. I have a bunny skin on my head.
Landing Page:
Hockey fan or puck bunny? The answer is skin deep.
I’m happy for you…*clap clap*

6. What hockey players have you slept with?
Landing Page:
Down the Rabbit Hole: Puck Bunny Quiz
Who was this person even asking? If they aren’t 30 goal scorers, why bother bragging?

5. Do the psychics say Balsillie gets the Coyotes?
Landing Page:
May Archive
Well, I know what my psychics say about it, but I’m going to keep that to myself for now WINK!

4. How can I get lady for sex without money?
Landing Page:
Will NOT have sex for carbs or money!
Hmm…even hand lotion costs money. Guess you’re screwed, and not in the way you’d like to be.

3. What to do about underage puck bunny?
Landing Page:
Main Page.
My blog got a surprising amount of jail bait related Google hits. Guess online predators really do exist! P.S. Look how cute the bunny is!! He’s just small!

2. Does Taylor Pyatt sleep with puck bunnies?
Landing Page:
Main Page
Back off, bitch, he’s mine! Just KIDDING! I wouldn’t sleep with him, I’d just SNUGGLE with him! Re: #1

1. Why do hockey players have blue balls?
Landing Page:
When your friends don’t like hockey…
Yes, I am the reason.

Sunday, September 27th, 2009

Chris Pronger’s sister/wife and my new column at Illegal Curve!


Don’t you love Wikipedia?! Upon doing a seemingly mundane Google search for Chris Pronger yesterday, I discovered a massive Google fail. After Wikipedia had cleared out what can only be assumed was fake content directly from Pronger’s page, Google was still using the joke material in its cached version of the site. For those of you who missed my tweets about my major discovery, and never got a chance to see it for yourselves, this is what was coming up as the top Google search for the Flyers new d-man:

Chris Pronger was born in the Gumdrop Forrest in 1782. He is currently living in Haddonfield, New Jersey with his sister/wife and two inbred sons…

My hat is off to this Wiki-prankster! I’ve also decided that my new favourite word is “sister/wife,” and I will try to claim said word by using it as many times as I possibly can in the this post.

Moving on to more serious business, my new weekly column debuted this afternoon at IllegalCurve.com. I am co-writing a new segment called Battle of the Sexes with IC’s own sister/wife, Rusty “Dangles” Parra. Basically, each week Rusty and I will have it out over one relevant hockey issue in a three-round debate. I am currently the only female listed in Illegal Curve’s Columnists section, and I was extremely honoured that such a notable hockey site would approach me to fill the double-X chromosome role on Battle of the Sexes.

Before I send you over to Illegal Curve to check out this week’s installment, I need to warn my fellow Coyotes fans out there that this week’s topic was moving the ’Yotes to Hamilton, and I had the pro-Hammer side. Now before you go crying to your sister/wife, remember that, just like a good lawyer, a master debater (WINK) can argue both sides of the issue. I’m a seventh grade debating champ right here! Someone had to be the bad man, and that someone is me! So, if you can’t handle this week’s column, then don’t click here to read it. You can always check it out next week!

Sister/wife.

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

Top 10 Tuesday: Hockey lookalikes.

It’s that time of the week again! As mentioned on last night’s episode of the PredsOnTheGlass radio show, today’s Top 10 Tuesday lists some of the most distinct hockey lookalikes. I think I probably could have made a Top 30 Tuesday for this entry, so I will have to revisit this topic again on another week – perhaps, Top 10 Tuesday: Hockey players that look like stuff? Anyway, as usual, feel free to comment with your own suggestions! Enjoy! P.S. I was too lazy to actually do a good job when making the comparison pictures. This shouldn’t surprise you.

10. Daniel Briere & Jack White
When I was searching for a picture of Briere to use for this list, I found a lookalike photo comparing him to Paul McCartney. You wouldn’t think it, but they DO look alike! Anyway, I always thought Danny looked like Jack White, so that’s what you get!

9. Mats Sundin & J-Roc
You know what I’m saaaaayin’??

8. Mark Messier & Jim Balsillie
I know you don’t want to believe it out of spite over the Coyotes, etc, but the resemblance is there!

7. Dany Heatley & Turd Sandwich
I was going to go with Giant Douche, but he looked more like the Turd Sandwich; must be the hair.

6. Scott Hartnell & Oggie Oglethorpe
Fear the fro!

5. Mike Ricci & Fabio
I can picture him on the cover of the next Danielle Steele, can’t you?

4. Gary Bettman & The Penguin
I can’t be the only person who has thought about this uncanny resemblance!

3. Wanye Gretzky & Princess Diana
I have always thought that these two looked alike, but I was pleasantly surprised to hear a Sabres fan at the Coyotes game last season yelling, “Gretzky looks like Princess Di!” Finally! I’m not the only one! Don’t lie, you see it, too!

2. This Guy & Man Meat
Well, I can’t hide it now that I was outed on POTG last night. Anyway, apparently, Google doesn’t have any images to support “man-stallion” as a keyword.

1. Daniel Sedin & Henrik Sedin
So, I took the lazy man’s out! Wanna fight about it?

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

Appearance on the PredsOnTheGlass radio show tonight!

If you missed tonight’s live broadcast of the PredsOnTheGlass radio show, then click here to catch the extended podcast version. Apparently, we set a POTG record for longest archived version yet recorded! I was a guest along with Nick from Let There Be Lighthouse, and made an even bigger ass of myself than I thought possible! Everyone thought I sounded really nervous, but I just tend to laugh when I talk…unless I’m pissed. Michelle Kenneth was also on the line. Enjoy!

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

Back in Black…and Orange: Let the games begin!


I encountered several of the Flyers the night before their preseason game against the Leafs at the Air Canada Centre, and it was like the last six volatile months never happened. It felt like things were back to the way they were before Boston, and the trade deadline, and my insane quest for true love; almost as if it had all just been a very bad dream. Of course, time has a way of revealing its true measure, and in this case that measure was Scott Hartnell’s hair. His fro had grown to ridiculous lengths since my last Flyers game, and that made it painfully clear to me that half a year really had passed since I had turned my back on the boys in black and orange and went chasing a white rabbit to unfamiliar desert sands.

I also encountered one of the sources of my misery, and by that I mean the other end of the prophesized trade. I can’t lie. I did give him a bit of a menacing stare down. Seeing him for the first time in person made me wonder about what would have happened if things went differently on March 4th. I really believe that I was already naturally growing apart from the Flyers. Things were becoming monotonous and not in a good, comfortable way. If there is one positive thing to be said about my switch to Phoenix (until this point that is), it’s that the change awoken everything inside me. It rekindled that passion for hockey and for adventure which was sadly becoming routine.

Of course, not even preseason games will run smoothly for someone like me. You see, after I switched to Phoenix, it was like the door to Philly had locked behind me. At the end of last season, I tried multiple times to see the Flyers play, but external things kept standing in the way; a friend would pull out of wanting to go to the game, or an unexpected test would come up at school, or my aunt needed an emergency babysitter to watch her small ones. I’m not trying to read too much into anything, and I didn’t really think much about it back then, but wouldn’t you know that I’d start to feel a bit under the weather the minute the boys arrived in town. Now, a minor fever and sore throat were never enough to keep me from the rink, but a dead car will do it for sure.

This afternoon, as I was running out the door to head downtown for the game, I noticed that my car wasn’t responding to the remote entry. I didn’t think anything of it; I thought maybe I had stepped on it or something (you never know with me). So, I manually open the door, but, of course, the car is completely dead. So, I know it’s probably the battery, but how this could have happened, I had absolutely NO idea. My baby has automatic headlights, and even the interior lights turn on as soon as you pull the key out of the ignition, so there is really no need to turn anything on, let alone leave anything on. On top of it, the car is brand fucking new. I bought it a month ago. I haven’t even driven 2000 KM yet, so how could it be breaking down?

I was delayed over an hour waiting for roadside to give me the diagnosis. I was praying that something had somehow been left on, and that my ride was not a piece of crap. He’s too handsome to be crappy! Sure enough, the headlights were on. All I can deduce was that my purse or something hit the lights as I was leaving the car, because I definitely didn’t touch them. Even the roadside guy-man was making fun of me because I didn’t even know where the lights were located inside the car yet. I know what you’re thinking, but in my defense, almost immediately after I bought the car, I started production with that MTV movie! So, for the entire three weeks of production, I was solely driving a production car. I’ve really only had the last week to get better acquainted with him.

Anyway, we managed to get downtown with enough time to spare to grab some chicken wings on Front Street. The game was really exciting and physical for a preseason match up. No, Phil Kessel was not in the lineup! I was wearing my sparkly Flyers shirt for the first time since the 07-08 hockey season. Apparently, I never wore it once last year. Unfortunately, my fever was getting worse. I was stumbling around the concourse before the game started when, through my feverish haze, I began to hear a familiar song.

Aerosmith’s Living on the Edge was the theme song to that fateful final Flyers game in Boston. Everything that could have gone wrong on that trip did go wrong. I was searched at the border, my flight was cancelled, and I drove a rental car from Buffalo all the way to Boston in a blizzard. This song came on the radio three times during my hellish drive, which I found very fitting at the time since my back was sore from how tense and on edge I was. And this was two days BEFORE the trade deadline! Anyway, I hadn’t heard the song since that near death experience, and the reminder of it wasn’t welcomed.

On a more positive note, can I just say that I love preseason Leafs fans? They aren’t the same snooty crowd that frequent during the season, and they legitimately seem really grateful to just be there. Most season seat holders think preseason games are below them, so they more than willingly give away their exhibition games to their hockey starved friends. I don’t think I had ever heard the ACC as loud as it was tonight! At least not since the Leafs last made the playoffs.

However, there were some interesting characters in my section. Behind me, I seemed to have the cast of Dazed and Confused. Instead of watching the game they decided to watch the scoreboard and announce every time the clock hit 4:20. They also felt the need to brag about their ability to recite the lyrics to Fifty Mission Cap like that’s some kind of incredible feat. You’re at the Leafs rink, buddy, it’s pretty safe to say that we all know the words (hockey trivia) to that song.

In front of me there were two crazy Flyers fans that were suspiciously not wearing Flyers gear. They were those obnoxious fans that like to travel across multiple seats whenever their team scores. Anyway, when the Leafs tied up the game and forced sudden death, these two suddenly became true blue Leafers. When I saw this instant shift in alliance, I couldn’t help laughing, “Holy shit, these guys switch teams more often than I do!”

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