August « 2009 « Psycho Lady Hockey

August, 2009

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

Confessions of a Hockey Addict Through the Worst Photography You’ve Ever Seen [07-08 Edition]

I know you’ve all been “eagerly” anticipating the 07-08 edition… right??? Well, good news! The wait is finally over! Get excited! Sorry for making you sweat like that! Anyway, the depression I felt reminiscing in the 06-07 edition has finally lifted and shifted to sincere excitement and evil scheming (I secured my first regular season tickets yesterday – be afraid!). In 07-08, I was another year older and another year wiser. At 22, I was finally starting to get this pro hockey thing nailed down, which could only amount to one thing – trouble. Once more, this entry only looks at SOME of my favourite hockey moments as captured by terrible camera work. After all, they can’t all be Kodak moments. Enjoy, and rest assured that there are no pictures of bloodied beds in this edition! Top Photo: Having a sexy party in the mock Habs dressing room at the Hockey Hall of Fame.

Coyotes @ Leafs. Apparently, I declared my allegiance two years ago. What do you think, can I pull off a switch back to Blue?

She’s mad because we had some ticket related drama in Ottawa. Our EBAY tickets never showed up in the mail. I decided to spew some professional sounding bullshit to the Scotiabank Place managers…

…They ended up seeing things my way! La la la la la la

The Walk of Shame, SHAME, SHAAAAAAAAAME!!

She’s not spying…the Flyers just happened to be below this window…

Inappropriate game signage at Wachovia Center.

Eagles game. Freezing rain. Unpleasantness. My eye balls actually froze! Should have known better than to deviate from the more superior sport!

Call the Hardy Boys! Still haven’t solved the mystery of what this sign is actually supposed to say.

He is attempting to demonstrate the Ice Girls’ dance routine. Move #1.

Move #2. That’s pretty much the extent of it…seriously.

Boston Pizza. Had to bust out, what I have coined, “Nashville driving” to get to Buffalo on time. My friend had to resort to manually stuffing pizza in my face so that I could maintain my illegal driving speed and maneuvers. When we finally arrived, we sprinted in heels to get to the rink. The parking lot staff applauded us for our effort.

I spent the entirety of the game cat calling him, and referring to him as Big Daddy. My friend was embarrassed.

Oh, yes…make sure to really work the groin…

A stoppage in play for a spicy make out session – oh, my!

Lurking around the Hockey Hall of Fame. Some 16 year old kid behind us…*evil laugh*

Undercover crappy cell phone pic. Dessert courtesy of Coach DILF…err… John Stevens. P-I-M-P!

Texting/Gilmour combination. This may not look like much, but this is probably the most scandalous hockey picture that I possess. I’ll let you try to figure that one out on your own.

Undercover crappy cell phone pic #2! It’s amazing what a little shimmying can get you.

Angry lady sighting. She spent the entire game complaining (to her identical sister) about the cheerleaders, and my friend and I hahaha! “OMG, don’t let your son look at those ugly dancing whores!” I like her style.

Smuggling goods back into Canada. My precious.

The Sketch Factory of Philadelphia. We always wanted to stay there for the sheer sketchiness of it, but we never did – SAD! I miss Philly.

Let us take another moment to honour the playoff groin stretch (purrrrrr!)

Taming the Infamous Flyers Fans 101. We used to work together at MLSE, so naturally he had to turn around and ask me why I was wearing a Flyers shirt with total disgust on his face. After that, the Philly fans in my section were no longer hostile toward the Canadiens. Instead they tried to use me to get them game pucks.

Our free $5 program for the Kitchener Rangers alumni game (Mem Cup 2008). We wanted to get our hands on the roster, but the hooker working at The Aud claimed that we had to buy the program first. Later we saw non-hookers passing them out for free…but it was too late. Quote of the night: (random high school bump in) “Whoa, why does Mike Richards keep staring at you?” (my friend) “She goes to a lot of Flyers game.” Bet he thought he had it all figured out – FAIL! Other NHL notables on the roster: Scott Stevens, Derek Roy, David Clarkson, Gregory Campbell, and Steve Eminger.

The Stanley Cup Finals and my birthday have arrived again – lovingly displaying one of my well thought out gifts, the Worst Case Scenario Sex Kit. I don’t care what Playboy says, don’t date a hockey player without one of these! The end.

Stay tuned for the 08-09 Edition of Confessions of a Hockey Addict Through the Worst Photography You’ve Ever Seen.

Posted in Philadelphia Flyers, female hockey fans, hockey addicts, hockey fans, hockey games, road trips | 6 Comments »

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009

Top 10 Tuesday: Hockey player pick up lines.

Alright, so I almost forgot about Top 10 Tuesday, but I managed to crank out a half assed puck bunnyish list three hours before Wednesday in EST. This week’s list covers my top picks for pick up lines used by hockey players. The quotes I’ve listed below are real life, verbatim pick up lines that I have heard over the years. So, don’t blame me if you think these lines are totally lame – I didn’t make them up!

10. “You have to come watch me play.”

Have you ever seen the movie The Tao of Steve? The movie explains that any guy, even the George Costanza type, can attract any woman should he have the chance to exhibit his excellence or talent in front of her. Enter the hockey player. Unfortunately, it’s not usually the REAL hockey players that use this line; it’s usually the former AAA Bantams, playing out their careers in men’s rec. Maybe I’m just mean, but as someone who goes to NHL games for a living, why would they think that I would be interested in watching this snooze fest? Playing, maybe, but definitely not watching.

9. “My ex girlfriend is the same age as you.”

This one is for the junior hockey youngsters out there. Have you ever noticed that there are a lot of coincidences in junior hockey? Like, the hockey player who is currently pursuing you magically broke up with his ex at the same time that you broke up with yours? Yeah, that means it’s a lie, and that their mega healthy relationship is probably still going on. The same goes for that rookie player who is trying to get in your pants when you’re the same age as the over-agers! Of course he’s going to tell you that his former girlfriend was the same age as you, so you won’t feel like the Mayor of Slumsville that you so obviously are!

8. “Do you need tickets for tonight’s game?”

This is the hockey player’s attempt to own you. Some guys buy you flowers and dinner, hockey players attempt to wow you with the tickets that they get for free – cheap bastards! If you are too weak to pass up the tickets (I’ll admit that it’s my personal variety of crack), then be prepared for the follow up request of “payment.”

7. “I like your picture.”

Those of you that read my book, Down the Rabbit Hole: A Guide to Puck Bunnies will know that puck bunnies usually track down their prey online. That being said, it doesn’t take much more than a decent profile picture to get the attention of the hockey genus. Puck bunnies everywhere should strongly consider getting a few glam shots taken in their pursuit of hockey related copulation. The fleshier the pictures, the better.

6. “I was lucky enough to get my own room, so you can crash there.”

Don’t be fooled, this is not a nice gesture. One night I was out with my friend and we were bombarded with hockey players. Ten minutes later they had pumped about ten drinks into us. Suddenly, my thoughts turned to how I was going to drive home in this state. That’s when buddy here decided to chime in. Naturally, I feigned gratitude for the offer, but I wasn’t stupid drunk yet. Right away he got excited and whispered, “So…when do you want to go?” Umm, we were in the bar for all of fifteen minutes at that point. Easy there, tigre. (That wasn’t a typo, I said “tigre” – it’s French) P.S. I feel like I’ve told you this story before…

5. “You can Google me.”

Remember your NHL Draft day? The day that made you feel like the sky was the limit? That you could be hoisting the Stanley Cup within the year if you played your cards right? Well, now you’re in your fourth season in the A, and nothing is going your way. You have never played an NHL game, and never make it past the second cut in training camp. Poor thing. How is the hockey dud supposed to pick up the puckies? Naturally, he has to lie. He has to prey on the know-nothing puck bunnies in hopes that they are too stupid to notice that he’s never been on the roster. Naturally, Google is his only friend, as his prospect pictures will come up and prove to her that he is worth a damn.

4. “You and me sex? I flight next week.”

We Canadian hockey fans love to believe that our nation is what makes this game great. Yeah, it probably is, but let’s not forget some of the European countries that have contributed greatness to the league and the Hockey Hall of Fame – the Russians, the Czechs, the Swedes, the Finns, etc. What would our game be like without them? Unfortunately, off the ice, these guys have little in terms of skill. This has a lot to do with the fact that there is no room for subtly where the language barrier is concerned, as you can plainly read.

3. “I didn’t get a goal tonight, but I feel like I could score right now.”

OK, you got me! I’ve never actually heard this pick up line; so much as I’ve fantasized about it. I BET you’d love to know who skated into my dreams with this cheesy line!

2. “Do you drive?”

Here’s another helpful hint for the junior hockey groupie. Want to know the secret to finding out if a junior hockey player likes you, or, at least, likes your picture? If he does he will ask you if you drive or have a car. This means that he is already assessing your ability to get to him as soon as his billets fall asleep, so that he can sneak away with you into the scandalous darkness of a nearby, abandoned parking lot. Well done!

1. “I play hockey.”

One of the most common Canadian pick up lines used by both hockey players and non! In this country, if you play hockey, it means that you are entitled to something, and by “something,” I mean p****! You’d be surprised how often this works…not on me…but on many. For further examples, check out: Since when did, “I play hockey” become a pick up line?

Posted in Hockey Players, Top 10 Tuesday, mating game, puck bunnies | 8 Comments »

Monday, August 24th, 2009

Power Play explained.

I’m just going to tell you right now that this entry is not about me explaining the power play. I expect, nay, DEMAND, that my readers are crazy enough about our beloved sport not to require an online version of Hockey for Dummies! Moving on…

Today I started my first day in production for a new MTV movie currently filming in Toronto and Hamilton. Don’t get excited, this movie is completely unrelated from my hockey projects – sorry to kill the moment for you. Anyway, if you can believe it I’m still “working,” and need to kill some time while this day of endless filming carries on into the night. I am going to share my hockey moment of the day in this very brief, and possibly very boring, entry, so that I can feel like I am being productive while I sit in my little chair and drink my diet Coke.

Perhaps it was the fact that I decided to wear my sparkly Detroit Red Wings shirt to work today, but the lunch time (we had Greek – mmm!) conversation inevitably turned to my love of the game. With my luck and history, you can imagine that MY boss would naturally reveal that she, too, has worked on hockey shows in the past. Recently, in The Phoenix saga continues, I cited the Canadian television series Power Play. Here’s a refresher in case you forgot:

According to the Canadian TV show, Power Play (a show revolving around the dealings of a mock NHL team, the Hamilton Steelheads), Hamilton is a small hockey market. Not sure what the writers of that show were on.

I obviously admitted to watching the show and referencing it in my blog. If you know anything about me by now, then you’ll know that I didn’t shy away from reiterating exactly what I just quoted above when she asked me what I said about it. I explained how I compared it to the current Coyotes situation, and how Hamilton/Southern Ontario is not the small hockey market as mentioned in the show. Except I definitely said, “I’m not sure what the writers were on, BUT…”

My boss attempted to brainstorm an explanation for Hamilton being labeled “small time” in the show, and deduced that it must have been the protagonist’s American mindset that anything not American is small time in comparison. Hmm, it’s a good theory, but seems doubtful. After all, even the greatest Phoenix Coyotes fans know that Hamilton is a massive market worth far more than the value Jim Balsillie has attempted to purchase it for. And I think it is common knowledge to even the Garriest of Bettmans that the Toronto Maple Leafs are the financial superpower of the National Hockey League (because you know they aren’t the superpower of anything else). My feeling is that the likelier reason for Power Play to claim that Hamilton is a small hockey market is, to quote a producer I was working with, that, “TV writers are not jocks, that’s why sports shows are often fairly inaccurate.” To be fair, I can see their reasoning – I mean it IS dirty Hamilton!

Anyway, that’s my hockey story for today! Hopefully, the calls from distressed actors fretting that they were not scheduled in for enough hair time will cease for long enough tomorrow for me to have another action packed (sarcasm) hockey moment to share with you. Better wear my Flyers shirt just in case. P.S. Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about the 07-08 edition of Confessions of a Hockey Addict through the Worst Photography You’ve Ever Seen.

Posted in Power Play, hockey, hockey addicts, hockey fans, late night at the office | 2 Comments »

Saturday, August 22nd, 2009

Confessions of a Hockey Addict Through the Worst Photography You’ve Ever Seen [06-07 Edition]

The other day I was going through my hockey albums on Facebook, and it made me terribly sad. Sad that the preseason is still a month away, and sad because I miss adventure and the Flyers. I decided to put together a compilation of some of my favourite horribly photographed memories from hockey seasons past, and let them tell you some of my deepest secrets like only they can. Today we look at SOME (and I do stress the word) of my hockey confessions from the 2006-07 season as a 21 year old reeking havoc on the hockey community. I hope you enjoy your glimpse into my hockey obsessed (and tortured) soul, and that these pictures can make you laugh as much as I do! P.S. If you must know what I’m doing in this picture, I am aggressively singing old school New Kids on the Block (Hangin’ Tough) haha!

Irritating the good people at Copps Coliseum with my “colourful” play by play of the Milwaukee Admirals game. Apparently gratuitous use of “giant douche” is offensive.

My buddy, Jeff, was there, too – rocking the cheese hat. That’s right I don’t rotate my pics!

Reminiscing. The scent of threatened virginity still lingers in the air.

First trip to HSBC Arena. That cement barrier is awfully close for someone not paying attention to the road! My hair was butchered the month before, can you tell? Grr!

Undercover crappy cell phone pic. Can you guess which player this is?

Dedication: attending a hockey game with a fever of 102 degrees. Addiction: attending a Leafs game with a fever of 102 degrees.

Driving through a snow storm in the middle of the night. We pulled over and rolled down the window to take a picture of the state sign, only to discover that the window froze in the open position.

First game at Wachovia Center – awww! Nearly missed the warm up! You should have seen the driving/sprinting across the parking lot.

Let us pause a moment to honour the groin stretch. (wooo!)

More proof of my badassity: the sign said, “Do NOT wear sunglasses in tunnel.“

We were obsessed with taking a picture of Drinker Street. I don’t know why…

We had a hefty bar tab in Ottawa…she mistook this picture for Jason Spezza.

She saw us trying to take a picture of the bench and decided to pose (no, we’re not creepy enough to go around taking pictures of random kids). Periodically, she would turn to us, point to her jersey and say, “I love the Sens, I love the Sens.” Her name is Sofie, and she is probably no longer this cute.

Proudly displaying the blood I got all over the hotel bed in Ottawa. Don’t get excited, I was not deflowered by an Ottawa Senator…

…I was injured.

The Leafs resort to their only line of defense against the Flyers.

I am the antithesis of Patrick Kane. This Edmonton cabbie said that we were his favourites. Note: consumed three bottles of champagne before this picture was taken.

This random creeper from Calgary wanted to be in a picture with us. Notice the appropriate jersey.

suuuuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! That’s what I’m talking about!

The hotel screwed up and we only had one bed. Apparently I’m not good enough to snuggle with. P.S. Taking pictures of her sleeping is my thing.

Ooh la la, did one of us have fun in Edmonton?

…Oh, yes! The end. Stay tuned for the 07-08 Edition of Confessions of a Hockey Addict!

Posted in Philadelphia Flyers, female hockey fans, hockey addicts, hockey fans, hockey games, road trips | No Comments »

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

Psycho Lady buzz around the blogosphere.

To my surprise, while I was checking out my daily Analytics report, I noticed that I was getting suspicious hits from sites featuring fictitious homoerotic stories about some of my favourite NHL players in blush inducing (and awesome) situations. This led me to think about some of the other things I’ve uncovered in my regular blog traffic investigations. I thought it would be a nice change of pace to share some of the Psycho Lady Hockey write ups that I’ve come across around the hockey blogging world. I hope these readers don’t mind me posting them, and, no, none of these sites feature NHL word porn. Apparently, I’m big in Nashville haha! Enjoy, and make sure to check out these awesome, two thumbs up sites from our fellow psycho hockey fans!

Confessions of a Cheese Grits Fiend (Nashville Predators)
http://jasfaulkner.blogspot.com

Katrina Cady is one funny woman who writes a love letter to hockey with a pen that is loaded with equal amounts of acid and honey. Her posts offer tongue-in-cheek advice on mix tapes for the road, how to handle friends who don’t like hockey and other vagaries of bunny life. It’s funny stuff and I love her blog.

What really grabbed me as a reader was her book, Down the Rabbit Hole: A Guide to Puck Bunnies. You can find it in the body of her blog as serial posts and featured as linkable chapters in the sidebar. Her take on puck bunnies is funny, sad, chilling and infuriating. Given that it was written as a therapeutic purge when she was eighteen, it’s pretty impressive. It would be interesting to see what would happen if she tackled a rewrite in a few years with the help of a good editor and some temporal distance.

Note: I like to think that the majority of the players on my team are decent guys who love their families and try to live up to the motto that the Predators are about “character, not characters”. So yeah, there’s a part of me reading her book and thinking, “Not Dan Ellis! Not Arnott! Dumont? Mon dieu, non!” Still, on the rare occasions that I’m not engrossed in the game, I plan to take a look around and see if the puck bunnies in Nashville are anything like the ones she writes about.

Four Habs Fans (Montreal Canadiens)
http://fourhabsfans.blogspot.com

Sexy Friday loves psychotic hockey fan babes.

Hockeytokig (Unknown, Sweden)
http://jessica.blogg.se/

Psycho Lady Hockey Bloggen är visserligen på engelska och hon är från Canada men hennes blogg är helt klart värd att läsa om man gillar hockey lika mycket som jag. (Och hon ;P)

According to my “free” translation, she is saying that my blog is worth reading even though it’s in English and that I’m from Canada

Habs and Other Moey Musings (Montreal Canadiens)
http://moeymusings.blogspot.com/

It’s entertaining and it’s everything you ever wanted to know about puck bunnies but were afraid to ask.

Illegal Curve (General Hockey)
http://illegalcurve.com

Interesting…

Michelle Kenneth, Inside Hockey (New Jersey Devils)
http://michellekenneth.wordpress.com/

Probably the most shockingly entertaining blog I’ve been introduced to this week.

Preds on the Glass (Nashville Predators)
http://www.predsontheglass.com

Psycho Puck Lady is on a roll. She really needs more exposure for her wit and writings.

Tears in Rain (Unknown, Sweden)
http://tearsinrain-martin.blogspot.com

Bloggen den kommer från är denna, här ska sägas att jag har lite problem för jag kan inte bestämma mig för om den är bra och rolig eller bara skrämmande…

According to the “free” translation, he hasn’t decided if my blog is fun or just terrifying

The Ryan Coke Experience (Montreal Canadiens)
http://theryancokeexperience.wordpress.com

The writer of this blog, Katrina, is a huge hockey fan. When she was 18, she wrote a book called Down the Rabbit Hole: A Guide to Puck Bunnies. Now she details her adventures in a blog. And she’s a hardcore fan. She goes on many road trips, and has seen more in person games in a year than I have in a lifetime.

Best line: Prior to this season I had only attended two hockey games by myself EVER – and they were both uncomfortable. My first, in Detroit, was an awkward and irritating experience. Not only were the players’ wives stalking me and complaining that my hair was nicer than theirs, I was also featured on the Kiss Cam and was forced to kiss the strange boy sitting to my right.

The View from 111(Nashville Predators)
http://www.theviewfrom111.blogspot.com/

Brilliant stuff!

Yotes Sign Gurl (Phoenix Coyotes)
http://yotessigngurl.blogspot.com/

Psycho Puck Lady just cracks me up.

Picture: The most Psycho Lady-esque picture I could find floating around the old Facebook account. Edmonton 2007, off to do some “hunting” around the hotel in my pjs. (The Canadian U-20 men’s soccer team was staying at our hotel and the coach was DILFy!) You can’t tell, but it says “Leafs” on my bum – oh my!

Posted in buzz, hockey fans, psycho lady hockey | No Comments »

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