February, 2009

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

Women love hockey fights? No kidding (sarcasm).

In light of the recent Garrett Klotz incident that has sparked debate about fighting in the future of hockey, the FAN590 released a statistic showing that the most popular demographic for the enjoyment of fisticuffs is female spectators between the ages of eighteen and thirty. Apparently, this wasn’t an obvious fact?

It seems the hockey fan majority, the men, seem to think that the rough stuff can only be fully appreciated by a y-chromosome and excessive amounts of Testosterone. I remember back in my WWE days, grades seven through nine, I could not understand why it was the guys in my class that liked wrestling. Let’s see, wrestling entails a bunch of big men, greased up, jumping on each other while wearing speedos…hmm. Can someone please tell me what the guys are getting out of that? It’s the same thing with UFC, though I have to admit there is nothing more unattractive than two men kicking each other (unless, of course, it’s Chuck Norris delivering a clean round house to the face!). So, when a bunch of hockey stars start sweating, and shoving, and punching with chests heaving, is it really that surprising that the women are the first ones to jump out of their seats, panties in fist?

Perhaps the shock generated among men from the release of this statistic is just more evidence that they really don’t understand women. First of all, women go crazy for violence and brutality, but there is obviously a time and a place, and a grungy speakeasy after fifteen beers is not it. The hockey rink provides a safe haven for the players to demonstrate their masculinity and brute strength without ending up on an embarrassing episode of Cops.

Women also use the fights as a way to enhance their sexual fantasies about the players. He’s a beast on the ice, but ever so tender with her in the boudoir – sound familiar, ladies? Or for some: rough on the ice, rough in bed. Either way – HOT. Not to mention that the number one puck bunny fantasy is to witness two players fighting over her in combat – seems almost medieval and romantic, doesn’t it? Sure, women may say they don’t like to date men who are prone to jealousy, but, like I said, there is a time and a place for everything. And let’s not forget what other female instinct is activated during these brawls –the maternal nurturer. If the player gets injured in battle, the tendency is to want to take care of him and nurse him back to health. Once healthy, he will be so grateful that he’d have no choice but to marry her on the spot – duh!

Also, from a more practical standpoint, hockey fights provide a way for the puck bunnies (that have not really learned the rules yet) to engage in the game. There are really only two events in hockey that cue the puck bunny for a reaction. The first is a goal, and the second is a fight. Of course, puck bunnies are predominately concerned with how they are being perceived during the game, so naturally they will jump on anything (that’s what she said) to show that they understand what’s going on.

So, for all you men out there that were surprised that it was the female fans that were going crazy for hockey violence, I hope that I have opened your eyes to the truth. Disclaimer: fighting and violence should not be used as a way to win the heart of a lady hockey fan if you are not playing hockey. Don’t try this at home.

    • Renee: This article is great!! You hit the nail right on ...
    • Psycho Lady: Can't get laid, huh? Wonder why... ;)...
    • Fred: Girls like u are the reason I think all girls are ...
    • Psycho Lady: Thanks! We shall see :)...
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