Never again is what you swore the time before…
As preparations continue toward my departure to the Middle East, I find myself wondering if I will ever have another hockey adventure. Truthfully, thanks to Vancouver and finally completing my set of NHL arenas, I actually feel ready to just end the hockey chapter of my life. If I actually do that is another story entirely. It is kind of exciting, though, to think of myself in another world, with another life, and another passion. It’s like getting the chance to start all over again, and be the person I may have been if my uncle didn’t make the mistake of taking me to Maple Leaf Gardens all those years ago. I guess we’ll see what happens, but as the clock keeps ticking, the less likely it is that something is going to come up and pull the plug on my Arabian adventure. Anyway, while I still haven’t quite worked out my fate with hockey, I have decided to share some of the “pearls of wisdom” that 70 hockey rinks and A LOT of misspent time have granted me. Enjoy!
Puck drop won’t wait for your friends.
One of the things that always surprised me in my career of hockey misadventures was the envy I received from the fans who wished that they could do what I have done. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I don’t have any special privileges! I do what I want, and my desire just happened to be traveling to hockey arenas. I don’t ask permission from anyone, and I don’t wait around until I can find a friend or two to hold my hand along the way. I just go! And, yes, if you are a single female, the shit eaters are likely going to call you a super bunny or stalker for traveling alone, but who cares, right? Fuck ‘em! You’re having fun, and they are at home trolling your blog! Remember… At the end of the day, the puck will drop whether you’re at the game or not!
The worse the hockey player is on the ice, the worse he is off the ice.
This was one of the things I learned very early on in my teen years. Once hockey players entered my “sphere,” I quickly began to notice a direct correlation between a player’s on ice prowess and his off ice behaviour. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, but typically I found that if a player was better on the ice, he usually made better choices off the ice.
Obviously, this is some sort of confidence thing. The players that are scraping the bottom of the TOI barrel or know that they have little to no chance of a solid hockey career, are more likely to cling to that cliched “hockey lifestyle” and milk it for all it’s worth. It is easy to spot these players. After warming the bench for most of the game, you’ll see them out with the textbook, dime a dozen, please-wear-a-name-tag-so-I-can-tell-you-apart blonde on each arm. He knows he won’t be able to use the “I play hockey” pick up line for long, but look what he can afford to buy today! Can you blame this guy for being a world class douche? Not really.
Sadly, confidence issues seem to be on the rise in our beloved game at the professional level, which is probably why more players (regardless of skill) seem to be trying to live that life. Interestingly, however, in junior hockey, players seem to be buckling down more than before. Perhaps the NHL locker room of the future will be a very different (emotionally secure) place indeed.
Sex doesn’t hinder one’s capacity to understand and appreciate the game of hockey.
It should be easy to digest, and yet female hockey fans seem to resist this bit of logic with every fiber of their beings. The last time you had sex, did you forget the rules of the game or your passion for it? Probably not. So, why would “bedding” a hockey player have the power to erase the mind of the hockey fan and transform her into this puck bunny anti-fan thing?
Let me break it down for you (for the millionth time). Some hockey fans fuck hockey players and some don’t, but they are all fans at the end of the day. I mean, if you really believe that girls pay money for hockey games for no other reason than to drool over hockey players, then that’s pretty sad. A boy crazed individual doesn’t have to go to a sporting event to creep on boys. They are all around us, after all. Oh, and don’t forget, angry puck bunny bashers are usually just angry puck bunnies in denial. If you don’t want the hockey guys, why do you care if another girl does? Exactly.
Side note: For the record, if I ever met a guy with the dickmanship skills necessary to literally fuck my hockey addiction out of me, I’m pretty sure I’d wife him.
No games, just hockey.
I spent the best years of my life on 351 hockey games and 70 rinks, and after all of that I’ve become an impatient old lady. The only games I have time for are hockey games, and in a perfect world that’s all the game playing that would occur – with the exception of the odd baseball beer fest to pass the time in the summer months, of course. I don’t want to play hard to get to keep someone interested, or wait 4 days because a guy isn’t “supposed” to call right away after asking for my number. I don’t want to stay home because being alone publicly isn’t “cool,” or not see the world because I’m too scared to face it without an entourage. Our society may never figure it out, so don’t wait around to get everyone else’s approval before you set out on your own Psycho Lady adventure. Just take the bull by the balls! Never give yourself the chance to regret the things you could have done. It’s your life. You are the administrator of your skanky blog.